Rito's New Troubles Vol 3
by Sallem Cortez 004
Summary: Things are stirring up between Rito and Yui, and you know a certain maniac canine and some friends of his are gonna get involved. But what's this? A transformation is happening to Yui. Rito ponders if a harem is a good idea or a bad idea. A theme for the series is established. Ecchi and comedy get a tune up. Takes place after the first manga. Read on people. 3/6.
1. This Chapter Ends with Bitch

Hello again everyone! I'll bet you're all glad to see me getting to work on my To Love-Ru fics again after so long. Anyway, my thanks to all of you who've been reading this far, especially to those who've not only read my To Love-Ru stuff, but also all my fics in general. To you people, I tip my hat off. This first chapter is gonna start off a little strangely, but bear with it for a while. Trust me, the punchline and aftermath of this chapter alone is pretty rich. Anyway, without further ado, let's get started with Volume 3.

"One more thing!" I've posted another poll on my profile concerning the fate of my To Love-Ru series. To those of you who want to have a hand in that, cast your vote now!

**Warning! This chapter contains major amounts of 4th Wall Breaking! Proceed at your own peril**!

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><p><strong>The Monday Morning After The Previous Volume<strong>

Rito was having another off day today, or rather, he was having what has long since become a typical day for him, which to most would be an off day. However, in this case he was having an especially off day. First of all, Sallem had told him a few days ago that he should pack his bags, and after finally managing to pack all of what would likely be essentials for traveling somewhere of Sallem's choosing, he popped into his room, from the ceiling lamp no less, and informed him that he'd changed his mind about it. Saying something about realizing that he wasn't so cruel as to send him and Yui away to his ex-girlfriend's place. Rito didn't know who this ex-girlfriend of Sallem's was, but he knew that if Sallem considered sending him to her was too cruel even by his standards, then Rito had really dodged a bullet.

Second, Yami - formerly the assassin after his life, now the newest addition to his harem - had kindly informed him that she would be enrolling in his class today. Rito wasn't 100% sure, but he knew that there was a good chance that Sallem was behind it. He wasn't against this by any means, but it would no doubt make his already complicated life even more so. And third, Sallem had been so kind as to inform him, once again, that he would be setting Rito up with Yui next. Normally this would be nothing new, however given that Yui was present at the time...

"Are you out of your mind?-!" Shouted Yui at Sallem.

Yeah. That.

"Are you seriously just asking this question now?" Chuckled Sallem rhetorically. "Or did you actually ask this - or at least something akin to it - at some point before, and I just forgot? It's funny, I'm a super genius among super geniuses, yet my memory is terrible. But anyway, what do you say?"

"I say that you're crazy!" Yui accused as she slapped Sallem in the face with all her might, only to hurt her hand in the process. "What are you made of?" She asked as she rubbed her sore palm.

"A multitude of various parts and materials," Retorted Sallem. "Many of which are of a much higher level of hardness and durability than any substance on Earth. Not to mention that a lot of my cybernetic enhancements are pretty expensive too, but with my massive income it's just pennies, really! Yo ho ho ho ho ho! That's the smallest form of American currency by the way."

"I know what pennies are," Glared Yui indignantly. "After all, I actually care about schoolwork, unlike you. And if you're so rich, why are you even attending this school anyway, instead of running this business of yours?"

"Four reasons, really." Began Sallem as he held up a finger. "One, Lala's an old friend, and I felt like helping her out a bit while I was here. And don't bother asking what the correlation between this and that is, because I won't tell you."

"If **she's** really your old friend here, then why are you helping this handsome** pervert **get his way?-!" Asked Yui firmly, before she realized what she just said and broke out in a majorly epic blush. "Wh-Wh-Why did I just say that?" She panicked.

"So I'm... handsome and a pervert?" Muttered Rito as he tried to process what Yui had just said about him.

"Second, I like playing matchmaker, but I frequently let things get kinda outta hand." Smiled Sallem as he held up two fingers, ignoring Yui's question.

"What part of a harem is getting 'kinda outta hand'?" Retorted Yui.

"What part of it isn't?" Joked Sallem before putting up three fingers. "Three, I really wanna catch the terrorist ghost possessing Rito for my portrait collection."

Shuddering as he recalled all the stuff said ghost had apparently put him through in the past, Rito gulped. "I would be very grateful if you got rid of this thing already." He admitted

"Right." Shivered Yui, who could swear that she saw something floating behind Rito for a brief moment. "Something like that... can't be allowed on school grounds, and really needs to be taken care of already. So get to it."

"Love to. Can't." Denied Sallem dejectedly. "As I may have mentioned before, that thing is firmly rooted into Rito, and the only way to get it out is to get it to expose its weak point."

"Weak point?" Repeated Yui curiously. "Well then get it to expose the thing and be done with it."

"That's what I'm trying to do here." Sighed Sallem. "Honestly, do people never listen? What did I say that the terrorist ghost was after?"

"Er... I... can't really remember." Admitted Yui, who had been too outraged at the time to really remember much of what had been said.

"I remember." Muttered Rito reluctantly. "72 virgins."

"Seventy-two..." Gaped Yui nervously, before turning a furious glare and pointer finger at Sallem. "Do you really think that I'd ever submit myself to anything like that?-!"

"It doesn't have to be a harem of Seventy-two," Reassured Sallem. "They don't even have to be virgins. At this juncture, I'd say about one or two more girls in his harem would suffice."

"Then find some other girls for the job." Insisted Yui, a bit calmer but still adamant. "If you're really so good at this, then you should be able to find someone who'd actually **want** to **share** someone like him." She figured as she pointed an accusatory finger at Rito.

"Why do I get the feeling that she barely even knows I'm here?" Sighed Rito.

"Why do I get the feeling that the main problem we have here is that you want Rito all to yourself, Yui?" Smirked Sallem knowingly.

"Sh-Sh-Sh-Shut up!" Demanded Yui, her face getting redder and redder. "Why should I have to share him? I mean, why should I want him in the first place? So what if he's handsome, and kindhearted, and compassionate, and has a big heart, and is so... so... Why can't I stop talking?-!" She panicked as both she and Rito blushed madly at her words.

"Ummm, Yui..." Began an embarrassed Rito. "Is there... something you may want to say to me?"

"I-I-I-I-I, well um, that is to say..." Yui stammered furiously as she flailed her arms about in a panic.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho!" Burst out Sallem, rolling on the floor laughing. "I'm so sorry, but this is just too funny! It's not everyday that you see the truest inner thoughts of a tsundere straight from the horses mouth! I just can't help but laugh!"

"Stop laughing at me!" Demanded Yui angrily, red still all over her face. "Don't call me a tsundere! I'm still a girl, and can fall in love just like anyone else!"

"What was that?" Asked Rito, suddenly at complete attention. "What did you just say, Yui?"

"What did I just... say?" Repeated Yui as she realized that she had once again spoken without thinking. Once she realized what she'd just said, she quickly averted her gaze from Rito. "I... well what I mean to say is... you and I are..." Growling in her frustration over her inability to just spit it out, she turned to Rito and barked. "Why is it so hard for me to just say that... why are you wearing a suit?" Her tone changed to confusion just as it was about to get good.

"Why am I wearing a...?" Trailed off Rito as he looked down, and saw that he did indeed have a suit on. "Where did this come from?" He asked of no one in particular, as he caught sight of Yui, another question formed in his mind. "And why are you wearing an apron?"

"What?-!" Panicked Yui as she quickly looked down, fearing that, in all this insanity, she had somehow been put in nothing but an apron, and found that she was thankfully wearing clothes under the apron she was suddenly wearing. "How in the world did this get here?" She asked herself as she curiously thumbed at the apron she was now wearing.

"For that matter, where are we?" Wondered Rito as he looked around, seeing that he was in a kitchen that was easily the size of his house.

"We're at the Deviluke Royal Palace, dear." Yawned a sleepy Ryouko as she came into the room, wearing nothing but black lingerie and a lab coat.

"Ryouko!" Panicked Rito as he tried to look anywhere but the scantily clad amazon that had just walked in. "What are you doing here? Wait a second? Did you just say that we're at the Deviluke Royal Palace?"

"Did I rock your world a little too much last night, Rito dear?" Said Ryouko slyly as she pressed a protesting Rito's head into her titanic bosom. "Maybe we should all go back to taking turns, instead of all at once."

"Mikado-sensei!" Outburst Yui, who'd finally found her voice again. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, did you want to have some fun too Yui?" Asked Ryouko as she grabbed Yui's hand and pulled her into a big and erotic hug with her and Rito, his face in both of their pillows. "And what's with that whole Mikado-sensei stuff? We've been sister-wives for six years and you're suddenly calling me sensei again? We usually save talk like that for the bedroom."

Yui held her head in her hands for several seconds, trying to take this all in. "Sister-wives... Six years... Bedroom." Her face was getting redder with every passing second, until something completely obvious finally occurred to her. "I'm dreaming." She realized as she playfully bopped herself on the forehead. "Why didn't I realize this all sooner? It was so obvious!" Struck by how crazy, unreal, and comical this all suddenly seemed, Yui burst out laughing. "I can't believe it! I'm having a dream! About being in a harem! And not just any harem, but Rito's harem! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Yui?" Asked Ryouko as she let go of Rito and Yui. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine! I'm fine!" Insisted Yui as she continued to laugh. "It's just that, this is all so hilarious!"

"What's hilarious?" Asked a familiar voice.

"Yami-chan!" Cried out Yui, who still laughing about the whole ordeal. "Let me guess, you're part of Rito's harem too?"

Yami still looked the same as ever, which clued Yui even further into the fact that this was a dream and not some vision of the future. Regarding Yui carefully, Yami nodded. "Technically I am, but I was unaware you were as well."

"I'm not, I'm not." Denied Yui happily, glad to see a major inconsistency in this dream, proving even more so what it was. "I mean, don't get me wrong. Truth be told, I'd secretly kinda like to be with Rito, but only if he was only with me." Having decided that this was nothing more than a dream, Yui decided that she could be completely honest here.

"Yui!" Gasped Rito in shock. "Do... do you seriously mean that?"

Jumping bolt upright at Rito's shock, Yui turned to look at Rito. The man she would only admit in her dreams her true feelings for. But just because she would only admit it in her dreams, doesn't mean the dream confessions came easy by any means. "Well... I wouldn't go so far as to say that I love you or anything..." She said sheepishly. "But to go out with you... I really wouldn't mind." She could see out of the corner of her eyes that Yami was looking at her strangely, Ryouko was looking at her mischievously, and right in front of her, Rito was completely red faced at the sudden confession.

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><p><strong>Kotegawa Residence - Monday Morning<strong>

***RRRRIIIINNNNGGGGG*** Went Yui's alarm clock, rousing her from her crazy dream all at once. Shutting off the alarm, Yui promptly set about getting ready for her day.

_'What a strange dream.'_ Though Yui as she took off her pajama top, exposing her bra to no one but the air. _'It's not like it's the first time I've had dreams about Rito and I - Not like that! - I mean, I'm still a girl, and I know that dreams with... a decent guy... are perfectly natural for people in my age group, but this time was really hectic.'_ Sighing as she stripped off her pajama pants and got out her school clothes, Yui said to herself. "That's the last time I eat potato chips right before bed."

As she got dressed for the day, Yui looked back on the dream, and many others she's had in the past. Yes, she'll admit in private to having many a dream about Rito. Yes, she'll admit in private that she knows he's a more decent person than circumstances may make it seem. And yes, she'll admit in private that that she may, possibly, no guarantee, might, just might, have a bit of a crush on Rito, but that was all completely irrelevant. The fact of the matter was, recent events have shown her that Rito, possibly through no fault of his own other than his personal feelings, is a playboy.

"Seriously," Huffed Yui as she finished getting dressed. "Even if Sallem's the one setting him up, Rito's still become such a playboy." Her voice suddenly got a lot quieter as she looked downcast. "I mean, I'll admit it, if he didn't obviously already have feelings for so many other girls, I'd consider it. But I am not about to cast aside my pride as an independent, intelligent, and dependable woman for some despicable playboy!"

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><p><strong>Yuuki Residence - Monday Morning<strong>

Mumbling slightly as he stirred from his sleep, Rito got up with a groggy yawn and a still tired look in his eyes.

"What a strange dream I had last night." He grumbled as he stretched out the kinks in his joints. "I swear I couldn't have had a weirder dream if someone had planned it." In his half asleep state it took him a few seconds to think over the implication of what he'd just said, and when he realized what likely happened, he felt like someone had just splashed him with a bucket of freezing cold water. "SALLEM!" He shouted.

"What? Who? When? Where? Why? How?" Said Sallem rapidly as he popped up from the covers of Rito's bed, causing Rito himself to fall out of said bed.

"What are you doing in my bed?-!" Panicked Rito as he frantically checked his clothes, hoping that there was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Hey Narrator!" Barked Sallem at me rudely. "Stop giving people the wrong idea before I do to you and Dick Cheney what I did to Naruto and Sasuke!" No! Please! I don't want to be turned into a table! Least of all with that jackass! "Glad to see we've reached an understanding then." You're wel-

"Wait a second!" Interrupted Rito. "Who are you talking to, and why were you in my bed?-!"

Staring at Rito for several seconds before casting a glance at me, Sallem regarded Rito carefully. After all, it wasn't everyday that someone without 4th wall awareness cuts off the narrator. _'I need to be more careful around Rito from now on.'_ Thought Sallem. _'After all, being able to cut off the narration is a power that could literally reshape the story.'_ Just as Sallem was about to respond however, the door opened.

"Rito, this isn't what I need to hear first thing in th-" Complained a groggy Mikan, before she suddenly stopped at the semi-familiar sight of Rito on the floor, and someone else in his bed. Except this time, it wasn't a bare-chested girl, but a bare chested boy.

"Enough with those homo quips Narrator!" Shouted Sallem as a blush rapidly rushed across Mikan's face. "I'm straight, and damn proud of it! And at least I'm wearing pants! There, I've established that as fact! So stop ragging on me, and start doing your job right!" Spoilsport.

Meanwhile, as Sallem was yelling at me again, Rito was panicking. "Wait a second Mikan! I know you've always jumped to the wrong conclusion before, but this time you have to believe me! This really, really, really isn't what it looks like!" Mikan however, had gone into a total daze, and began seeing several images of boys love, BL, Yaoi, whatever you call it, flash befo-

"Knock it off Mr. Narrator." Complained Sallem. "Not only are you giving people ideas, but you're making Mikan look like some kinda pervert." He defends her, even though she has nasty fantasies about her own brother. "Well okay, I'll give you that one at least. The girl definitely does have some issues." He remarks as he pulls out his remote and teleports to his control room, leaving behind a letter.

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><p><strong>Sallem's Control Room<strong>

"Hey there," Greets Sallem, suddenly dressed in his iconic mishmash of clothes from various manga. "I'll bet you're all wondering why I'm in the control room I usually reserve for my **A Brief Cut from the Action** segments?" Taking a pause to fiddle with the controls surrounding him, seven of the monitors light up, each one containing a picture of a different girl from To Love-Ru. Lala, Ryouko, Yami, Yui, Tearju, Oshizu, and sharing a screen were Nana and Momo. Each one also had a small white box on the bottom right corner. Lala, Ryouko, and Yami each had a green check in their box, while all the others were bare. "As you can guess, the plan for the story is for Rito to get with each of these girls. And as you can probably infer, each check is for a girl who's already in his harem."

Getting up to grab some tea, the camera panned with Sallem as he went for his beverage. "I know what some of you are thinking," He said as he poured his tea. "'Where's Haruna in all of this?' Well the reasons for that are two-fold." He began as he sat back down in a big armchair suited for storytelling. "The first one, is simply because she's not only an uninteresting character, but also that she's just too nice to make any story worthwhile to read. That's the main glaring fault with any character, making them too nice. As both the writer and I can attest to, a character that's too pure can completely ruin a story if they don't have a much more dangerous and forceful side to them as well." Taking a pause to sip his tea, he continued. "That's what makes nice girls who can kick ass seven ways to Sunday so interesting. That contrast between their power, and their personality."

"Then of course there's the second reason." He said before drinking more of his tea. "As many of you are probably already aware, the illustrator for To Love-Ru, Kentarou Yabuki, had a bit of a breakdown a while back, and the manga had to be put on hold for around a year. The reason for this emotional turmoil is due to the fact that he had a rather messy divorce, and he was too messed up to draw for some time. As many writers, both professional and amateur can tell you, you always put a little of yourself into your writing. That's the reason Mary Sues are born, because people tend to hold their heads too highly. But anyway, Mary Sues have nothing to do with this, so I'll move on." Pausing again to drain the last of his tea and pour himself a new cup, he continued. "You see, Haruna was based on Yabuki's wife, and after the divorce, he drew Haruna less and less, and eventually the manga came to a halt."

"So, in honor (actually scorn) of Yabuki's wife, and the devastation she caused to To Love-Ru, both I, and the writer, have agreed to write her likeness out of the harem." Explained Sallem as he made a picture of Haruna with a cancel sign over it come up on another monitor. "I know some of you may be upset. I know you may think that the writer's being a dick. I know some of you are asking how we're gonna manage it since she and Rito are so wild for each other. Don't worry, the writer's assured me he has a plan. He hasn't assured me that it's kind, and as a matter of fact he's contemplating just killing her off, but he has a plan nonetheless."

Smiling, he sipped his tea before he remembered something important. "I almost forgot. The reason why I was in Rito's bed this morning, is because I was going to tell him that I had a dream machine that could only work if I was right next to him, altering his dream the whole time." Chuckling as he grabbed a large sugar cookie to munch on, he continued. "In truth, I did use a dream machine, but it's designed to merge several dreams from distances of even planets away into one, according to the wishes of the smartest person in the shared dream. Guess who that was?" Smirking his crooked Glasgow smirk, he fiddled with the controls again. "In case you couldn't already tell, everyone who appeared in the shared dream was sharing the dream. However, while Ryouko was aware of, and in fact, aiding the scheme, Yami was completely unaware, and is probably pretty pissed at me now."

Moving his chair up the a keyboard and beginning to type, Sallem continued his story. "You may well be wondering why I'm telling you all of this." He pointed out. "The reason for that is not a happy one, but it is simple to deal with." As he said this, white question marks appeared in the upper left hand corner of each screen containing people not yet in Rito's harem. "You see, as many of you who actually write on this site are no doubt familiar with, there comes a time when writing gets a bit harder for people. This is a phenomenon know commonly as writer's block, and the writer of this story is currently stricken with a bad case of it. As you can see, the writer is completely stumped as to where to go with all of this. That being the case, there will be two changes to the future of this story." Pressing a big red button, a mailbox popped out of the ground.

"The first of these changes being that you, the reader, will be able to have a say in these stories from now on!" Sallem declared excitedly as he pointed dramatically at the audience. "Here's what you have to do. If you have an idea for a skit, or a joke, or even an entire chapter that you want to put in the story, either post a review saying what you suggest, or PM me at my profile. Any idea given will be eligible for a part in the story, so if you have something good you want me to write in, don't be shy. Drop a review my way. I just request that you only send ideas for the installment I'm working on at the time. And this brings us to the second item on the agenda!" He said happily as he kicked away the mailbox and pulled out a ballot box. "Which is, of course, posting votes for the next installment! You have your pick of three ideas! Tearju! Oshizu! Or Nana and Momo! Naturally, each girl will get their turn in due course, provided the writer doesn't completely run out of steam at some point in the future, but I feel like giving you the chance to have even more say in this. If you want to cast a vote, just drop on by my profile, because I will not accept votes posted in the reviews."

Typing on the keyboards again, Sallem droned on again. "Don't get snippy with me Narrator, I'm almost done here." Muttered Sallem. "Now that we've gotten the little details out of the way, let's take a look at what Ryouko and Yami are up to." After saying this, the camera closed in on Ryouko's monitor, which began to play a video.

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><p><strong>With Ryouko<strong>

"97... 98... 99... 100!" Gasped Ryouko as she gently put down the very heavy dumbbell that she'd been doing curls with. Hair and body both glistening with sweat from an extensive workout, she walked over to her shower and began to strip off her gym clothes, also laden with sweat. Turning on the shower and letting the warm water wash over her strongly built body, she noticed a member of the Tiki Tak Tribe just outside the shower in the corner of her eye and smirked. "Well, well. It would seem that someone likes what they see." She said mischievously as she nabbed both the camera and the Tiki Tak Tribe member in one fell swoop. Turning the camera to the Tiki, now revealed to be Gong, Ryouko spoke to the frightened Tiki. "Sallem sent you here to find out how I liked the Dream Machine he made, didn't he?" Gong nodded. "And I'll bet he didn't expect to see me wide awake." Gong only shrugged in ignorance this time. "You don't know? Alright then."

Turning the camera back to herself, Ryouko smirked into her extreme close-up. "I'll bet you're curious about what I was doing working out and sweating up a storm when I was dreaming just moments ago, aren't you Sallem?" A green light lit up on the camera. "So you can talk through your camera. That will work." Pursing her lips and humming in thought for a minute, Ryouko eventually got a smile on her face. "Alright, I know how much you like expositions, so I'll give you one if you do a small favor for me. I'll like it, you'll like it, and Rito will really like it, even if he doesn't want to admit it. So what do you say?" The green light couldn't come on fast enough.

"Okay then, it's quite simple really, or at least by your standards it is, so I'll try to be brief." Bringing a container of pills up to the screen, she began. "You remember the pills that got me to where I am now in the first place? Berserker Deluxe?" The green light turned on for a moment. "Well these are a milder version. Just plain old Berserker Pills. They give you enough energy to work through the whole night, but unless you can stay awake on your own, you're pretty much on autopilot the whole time. All your actions based on what you were doing before you fell asleep." As Ryouko held the ingredient list up to the screen, Sallem quickly memorized it. Deviluke had always been so stingy with their own advancements, always keeping them from him, while he'd always sold his own to them. For a price. "I use these to get a heavy workout every night, since it's been becoming increasingly hard to find enough spare time in the day to get a workout big enough to satisfy me these days."

Suddenly, a spring loaded sign with a question mark on it popped out of the camera. "You're really prepared for everything, aren't you?" Asked Ryouko, getting another green light in response. Chuckling, she continued. "Well as you know, thanks to Lala, I've really gotten really ripped. At first I was as upset about it as anyone else in my situation would be, and all the stares, while flattering, weren't the kind I was used to." She paused to place the camera on the ground and began to do something off screen. "As I began to date Rito though, I got to thinking. Why should I be so shy about what I've become? I've always been just a little bit of a tease," From his control room, Sallem couldn't help but roll his eyes. "So I might as well stay like this for a while and see what more people thought of it. Of course, in order to stay like this, I had to keep working out. It was a bit annoying at first, but it eventually got to the point where I was completely addicted to it."

Giving the camera back to Gong, who adjusted the camera to get a shot of Ryouko's whole body, now clothed in her gym clothes again, but still in her shower, she started posing. "If someone had told me just a few short months ago that I wouldn't feel comfortable if I didn't get at least a few hours of a heavy-duty workout in each day, I would have told them they were crazy. And yet here I am." Switching through a bunch of poses typical of a professional bodybuilder, and a few that were most definitely too erotic to be in anything but porn mags, she decided to wrap things up. "Make sure that Rito gets to see all of these poses, and mention one other thing for him too. At first, I was only willing to share with four other girls, but with the way I feel right now, I don't think I'd feel bad if I had to share him with twice as many. He may not like it much, but I know that even if you'll let it end soon, someone else we know won't." Winking at the camera, she rushed Gong out of the shower.

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><p><strong>Back With Sallem<strong>

Staring wide-eyed and unblinking at the screen Ryouko had been posing on just moments ago, a heavy blush was across Sallem's face as he slowly regained his composure. "Well... That happened." He remarked as he hit the recall button and Gong teleported into the control room. "Nicely done good buddy," Congratulated Sallem as he got Gong's puppet body out of a large class case. "Say hi to the missus for me, will ya?"

Nodding his head after popping back into his body, Gong waved goodbye and left the control room.

"Now then, why don't we have some more fun by taking a peak at what Yami is-" Sallem stopped abruptly as he felt a tug at his coat. Turning around, he saw the three Maraca Tikis carrying both their heads, and a destroyed camera in shame. Sallem, quick to assess the situation, brushed the camera aside and took a careful look at the Maracas. Seeing nothing amiss, Sallem ruffled their feather hair in affection. "In hindsight, I really should have expected this to happen when I sent you out to record Yami on her own ship." He admitted. "I'm just glad the three of you are alright."

Shaking their heads like the musical instruments they were, Sallem managed to grasp a few words of musical language here and there. After all, music wasn't his first language, and he'd always been a bit tone-deaf.

"I'm going to take that as either an apology, or something about Wookies tearing down an outhouse." Sallem joked. "I was probably paraphrasing just now, but no matter. At any rate though, you three should go on home. I think you've had enough excitement for one day."

The three Maracas, eager to go home and get some rest after whatever it was that Yami did to spook them so much, took off carrying their body like three rainbow bullets carrying a live animal.

"Are you sick or something something, Narrator? Because you were saying some pretty funky stuff just now." Asked Sallem of me worriedly, obviously concerned for my well being *sniff*. "Because there's a Brick Joke coming up, and I really don't wanna mess that up." Jerk.

Don't worry about me, I say. Just because I've got a cold doesn't mean I'll screw-up your precious jokes! Honestly! Why doesn't anybody ever show some genuine consideration for the guy who has to say all these lines describing what's going on around here?-!

"Alright, alright! Don't get all worked up about stuff you can't even do anything about. You're the Narrator, it's your job to do this." Remarked Sallem insensitively. "Bitch."

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><p>Alright! Hope you liked this chapter! You know the drill: read, review, vote at the poll, and I beg of you, please send me some ideas for what to do about this volume. I honestly have no idea where I'm taking this, and just posted this chapter to ask the masses to help me out a bit. So if you read this and you have something you want to happen, please mention it in the reviews.<p> 


	2. Rubber is Thiner Than Saliva

Hello again everybody! Guess what? That's right! I'm getting my mojo back! Thanks to a very helpful messenger, I've been struck with massive inspiration to write! Don't feel too down though, I still need plenty of help with this Volume. So, with a quick thanks to Master Unknown for helping me get back in my groove, I now present you with chapter 2.

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><p><strong>On the way to school - With Rito, Sallem, and Lala<strong>

"Really?-! The next target is Yui?-!" Lala asked Sallem excitedly.

"That's right Lala-chan!" Confirmed Sallem cheerfully, his tail wagging excitedly. "Now that I've got Ryouko and Yami done with, I can finally get to work on the really hard ones."

"Enough with this." Rito sighed tiredly, not ready to deal with this first thing in the morning, especially after the weird dream Sallem gave him. "Lala, you know what Sallem's up to, and yet it's not bothering you in the slightest. How many times do I have to say that ideas like these are really bad?"

"But you've already fallen in love with so many people, it's really fun watching Sallem help you add more people to our growing family." Pointed out Lala happily.

"And that's another thing that's been on my mind for a while," Remembered Rito as he straightened up. "Lala, I know that you're an alien and all, but don't you have any negative feelings about what Sallem's doing?" He asked. "Honestly, the guy has no morals at all." He mumbled under his breath, only to receive a firm whack to the head by Sallem, knocking him into the pavement.

Dusting off his hands, Sallem smirked at Rito. "You know something, Rito. I might actually be somewhat tempted to listen to your pleas for mercy, if it weren't for the small fact that, in the end, you're enjoying this situation just as much as I am, and in the future, will enjoy it even more than I do." He pointed out as he wiggled his eyebrows.

"One more thing!" Rito spoke up, actually noticeably shocking Sallem for some reason. "I know I've said this before, but why are you making me go through all of this? I know you've said a bunch of reasons, like Lala's your old friend, you have your hobbies, and you want the ghost haunting me, but they all seem like flimsy and poorly thought out excuses at best."

Sallem regarded Rito's words thoughtfully as he rubbed his chin, pondering the pros and cons of what he could say next. Eventually, he threw his hands up in surrender. "Alright, you got me." He admitted sheepishly. "I do have an ulterior motives for my actions that I haven't told you about."

"Thought so," Concluded Rito. "So what is it?"

"When did I ever say that I'd tell you?" Grinned Sallem maliciously, noticeably unnerving Rito. "As a matter of fact, why should I have any reason to tell you? I mean, compared to me, you're quite frankly pathetic. Yo ho ho ho ho-ow!" Laughed Sallem, before being cut off by a whack to the head from Lala. "What did I do?"

"Stop hiding things from Rito!" Demanded Lala adamantly. "You may be my friend, but enough is enough! Leave him alone already!"

Sallem stared at Lala, slightly taken aback. Rubbing his head having what looked to be an epiphany... Turned out to be nothing of the sort as he burst out into laughter. "Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho! Things are going so well now! Just so, so well! Yo ho ho ho ho!" Cackled Sallem, this time dodging the blow Lala aimed at his head. "Sorry old friend, but that's not how the game is played. Yo ho ho ho!" Spinning in place, Sallem jumped up onto a nearby building. "Now if you two will excuse me, I have another end of this plan to get to work on. See you around." Pulling out his remote, he disappeared in a huge cloud of smoke.

"...And there he goes again." Sighed Rito in exasperation as he shook his head. "Honestly, do you have any idea what he might be up to?" He asked Lala as they resumed their walk to school.

"Hmmmm..." Hummed Lala as she looked as thoughtful as she could, before playfully bopping herself on the head and sticking her tongue out. "Sorry, but I can never really tell exactly what Sallem's thinking." She apologized sheepishly.

Sighing, Rito stared ahead of himself. "Well, I know how that feels." He admitted. "Honestly, how did you two ever get to be friends?"

"Well, whenever Sallem had business with my dad when we were kids, he'd always come by and pull lots of pranks to make me laugh!" Lala explained cheerfully, obviously recalling fond memories. "I may have mentioned this before, but the reason I built so many machines as a kid was because I didn't have that many friends. But whenever Sallem came around, we'd build machines together, and it would always be so much fun whenever we'd test them out."

"Sounds like you two really have quite a history together." Noticed Rito, with a slight twinge of jealousy in his voice.

"Of course they do," Peke said, getting her two cents in (or two yen, blame the exchange rate) from her place on Lala's head. "Lala-sama and Sallem-sama worked together to build me not long after they first met."

"Seriously?-!" Shouted Rito, who was surprised as hell. "Then wouldn't that make Sallem like your dad or something?-!"

"Well, from a certain point of view, I suppose that would be accurate." Conceded Peke. "However, after building me, he barely ever took notice of me. So I suppose that he doesn't share the same sentiment towards it that you and Lala would."

"Lala and I..." Rito murmured as images of a young, orange haired girl with a devil-like tail assaulted his mind against his will. Shaking the images from his head as his face turned beet red, he did what he usually would in situations like this... Panic. "W-Well, let's head off to school, shall we? I'm sure we'll run into Sallem later so I can ask my questions then!" Moving in a mechanical jerky motion, Rito made haste to the school.

* * *

><p><strong>With Yui<strong>

As she walked by a construction yard on her way to school, Yui was slightly on edge due to her recent dream. Sure, it wasn't real and she could barely remember any of it, but what she did remember was enough to creep her out for a while. Knowing Sallem and his dangerous nature as well as anyone did, Yui could honestly say that she wouldn't put it past him to try something because of a dream he didn't even have. Hell, for all she knew, he was responsible for that dream, she'd certainly seen enough crazy alien things in the past to not rule it out as a possibility.

Unknown to Yui, Sallem was sneaking up behind her in an exaggerated tiptoe walk, even though he already had a cloaking device on. Looking at the camera, Sallem smirked and held a finger up to his mouth in a shushing manner and said very quietly. "Shhh, be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting schoolgirls. Huh-huh huh-huh huh-huh huh." Shaking the giggles out of his head, he pulled out a small bottle from his pocket, and it read.

'ACME Rubber Lip Locker. For use on stubborn tsunderes and otherwise jaded women. Warning! Do Not Sell to Registered Sex Offenders!'

Noticing the unimpressed look from the Narrator and the audience, Sallem scowled at the screen. "It's called outsourcing!" He mouthed to the screen. "Why should I have my company reinvent the wheel, when there's already a perfectly good product that doesn't need any innovation? But don't worry, because I made sure to add a few extra ingredients to this that should see just enough use for all of the painless, though admittedly annoying beatings I'm certain to get to be worth it." Blotting some of the solution onto a cloth, Sallem got up right behind Yui and quickly pressed it against her mouth.

Yui, reacting instantly to Sallem's actions, believed that someone was attempting to drug her for insidious purposes. While she was only partially correct, that didn't stop her from lashing out her leg behind her, landing a kick squarely onto Sallem's shin. When the cloth was pulled away from her mouth, she thought she'd managed to shake him off, and turned to confront her would be attacker. But she turned, she felt a throbbing pain in the leg she'd used to kick whoever had snuck up behind her. That, coupled with the snickering she heard coming from nowhere, made her quickly realize who it was that she had just kicked.

"SA-MMRFF!" She struggled to shout out his name, but failed. Blinking in confusion, she tried again, "MMRMUFU!" And again she failed. Deciding to go with trial and error, Yui tried to just open her mouth this time. Managing to hold it open for just a second, before it snapped shut again, she realized what likely happened and felt her mouth, and sure enough, there was some elastic substance holding her mouth shut like glue. Now mad with rage, Yui began expressing her frustration the only way she could with her mouth sealed shut. In other words, stomping her feet and shaking her fists at the sky.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho!" Laughed Sallem loudly from just out of sight, catching Yui's attention. "It's just so much fun watching people squirm like this!"

Again turning quickly towards Sallem, she froze in fear at the sight before her. Sallem eating what looked like a bloody piece of some poor soul's body. Fresh blood dripping from his muzzle and torn face, and chunks of meat stuck in his teeth. Seeing such a sight instantly caused all the color to drain from her face, and for all the feeling in her legs to suddenly vanish. Scooting herself away on her hands, she tried to scream, but her mouth would barely open for more than a fraction of a second.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho! You are such a wimp if this scares the crap outta you!" Laughed Sallem, holding up the piece of flesh to a fearful Yui's face, she saw what it really was. "Man, I had no idea you were so terrified of cherry pie. Maybe I should have used apple or pumpkin instead." He mused as he scratched his chin in contemplation.

Yui, furious at having been made a complete fool of, punched Sallem in the face, only for her own hand to get hurt. Clutching her fist in pain, she took the only real option she had left to her, and shot a searing glare at Sallem.

"Awww!" Cooed Sallem as he pat Yui on the head before she swatted his hand away. "You really are just so cute when you're crazed, you know that? Rito's so lucky that I'm setting you two up together."

Yui, furious at the very notion of Sallem having any say in her life anymore, but knowing that she couldn't hurt him physically, did the only thing that she could think of. She flipped him the bird.

"Oooh, feisty!" Smirked Sallem. "Never one to accept defeat, and completely defiant to the bitter end. This will work. It will work very nicely. And it will be very entertaining all the way down the road." Completely ignoring the trashcan Yui hit him over the head with, Sallem continued his spiel. "I'll bet you're wondering as to what exactly I used to clog your mouth, aren't you?" Not bothering to wait for a response, not that Yui could even give one in the state she was in, he continued. "Well it's very simple really. Well, maybe not the chemical compounds used to make it, since those are so complex that you'd need to be very well versed in both biology and the periodic table to fully understand them, but their application is very simple, but I digress." Ignoring the brick Yui threw at his head, Sallem continued. "Now as I was saying, the gunk blocking your mouth, while a very complicated formula, has a function very similar to rubber cement, and can only be removed via one method. Would you care to know what that method is?"

Yui, still venting her frustration, grabbed a nearby shovel and whacked Sallem over the head with it. However, it didn't do anything aside from making a large dent in the shovel. Furious that she was being made a total fool of, her rage clouded her better judgment as she kept slamming the head of the shovel against Sallem's head until the handle broke, and the head of the shovel was more like a large ladle than anything else.

Regarding her calmly, without a single scratch on his body or any signs of pain, Sallem smirked at Yui and said, "Are you quite done yet?" As she threw one last brick at his head, Sallem idly wondered if ambushing her in front of a construction site was such a good idea. _'Then again,'_ He thought, _'No matter what she throws at me, my cyborg body is more than durable enough to stand up to anything she's capable of throwing at me without the slightest bit of harm or pain. Oh well, I've always hated it when women feel that they can get away with hitting men at any time they want, so maybe this will teach her a lesson about civility.'_ Brushing off the dust from shattered bricks and splintered wood, making certain to show that it was just a minor inconvenience at best, Sallem cast her an amused glance and repeated. "Are you quite done yet?"

Still angry as hell at Sallem, but finally seeming to get the picture, Yui managed to compose herself enough to cross her arms and tap her foot impatiently. Signifying that, yes, she was ready to calm down and listen, even though it left a bad taste in her mouth, or was that just the rubber cement?

"Glad to see that you're finally listening to reason." Smiled Sallem as he pulled out a vial full of some kind of fluid. "Do you see this solution?" Yui nodded her head in response, glad to see that this could finally end. "This is sugar water," He remarked as he threw the vial over his shoulder and it shattered onto the ground, much to Yui's dismay. At least until she heard what Sallem had to say next. "And it will most certainly not get rid of that stuff clogging your mouth." He taunted her casually. Yui, in response, threw another brick at him, which again did absolutely nothing but shatter into chunks of hard clay upon impact. "Feel free to keep up that poor attitude all day. I don't have anywhere to be right now, unlike you."

It took Yui a moment to process and understand what Sallem was talking about, and when she did, she totally panicked. _'If I keep wasting time with this delinquent, I'm going to be late for school!'_ She realized silently before darting off for school at top speed. _'Damn it! I'll have to get the answers from him later! Right now I have to prioritize!'_

As Yui ran off for school, Sallem chuckled to himself. "If she was really worried about missing school, she could have just said so." He remarked as he pulled out his remote. "But then again, even if she felt like lowering herself so far as to ask me for help, she wouldn't have been able to do so in her condition anyway. Yo ho ho ho ho ho! I am such a huge jerk." He noted impishly as he pressed a button on his remote and vanished.

* * *

><p><strong>At School - With Rito and Lala<strong>

_'So far so good.'_ Thought Rito as he and Lala swapped out their footwear in their shoe lockers. _'Let's just hope it can stay that way for just one day, if it can.'_

"Good morning Rito and Princess Lala." Greeted Yami as she stepped by them to get at another locker.

"Morning Yami-chan!" Lala returned the greeting enthusiastically. "It's so great that you're enrolling in the same school as us."

_'Oh, so that part must not have been part of the dream Sallem put me in.'_ Realized Rito as he smiled at Yami, taking notice of her uniform, his eyes resting for a moment on the single belt she kept on her thigh. "Good morning, Yami. I was kinda worried you might not show up."

"Of course I'd make certain to show up." Smiled Yami slightly as she walked up to Rito. "This is the most convenient place to learn more about Earth, and also," She got up on her tip-toes and planted a quick kiss on Rito's cheek, bringing a tinge of red to his face. "I want to be able to do that with my boyfriend every morning from now on."

"Yami." Whispered Rito with a smile, until he got a sudden sense of danger and fury crawling up behind him. Gulping, he slowly turned around to see what it was that was setting off this foreboding feeling, and saw a group of angry looking subhuman males lead by the monkey king Saruyama himself glaring at him. "Hello?" Rito greeted fearfully.

"Rito~," Growled Saruyama. "Even though you already have Haruna, Lala, and Ryouko, you still feel the need for more and more and more!" As Saruyama and the mob took a unified step forward, Rito took two steps back. "When will your rampage of womanizing stop and let us get a turn at some of the best!-?" Demanded the mob as they charged Rito, who quickly took off running.

Yami just stared at the charge of idiot monkeys chasing after her boyfriend for a moment before turning to Lala and asking, "Is it normal for something like that to happen? I'm still getting used to understanding exactly how people from Earth think and act."

"I'm pretty sure that it's normal." Nodded Lala as she and Yami headed off to class. "It happened when they first found out I was Rito's bride, and again when they found out Ryouko was dating him. It must be some way other boys congratulate him."

"Lala-sama, I'm not entirely certain that's what it-" Peke began.

"I see," Yami cut her off, completely ignoring the costume robot. "If that's how it is, I suppose I won't interfere."

Little did she know how much Rito could use some interference right about now. Fortunately for Rito, some interference was on its way right now. Unfortunately for Rito, it wasn't the kind of interference that would come without even more trouble. In other words, here comes Sallem!

* * *

><p><strong>Back With Yui - On the Way to School<strong>

Yui was furious! First she had a crazy dream that reeked of outside interference, then Sallem glued her mouth shut with something, and now, thanks to wasting her time getting mad at him she was late for school! Sooner or later, Yui swore she would find some way to deal with his out of control behavior!

"You see now, that's your problem," Said Sallem as he suddenly ran up beside her, startling her into fumbling for a second before righting herself and glaring at him. Ignoring the acidic glare he was being given, he continued. "You see everything that goes wrong in your eyes as the fault of somebody else, and your problem to fix. You really need to learn to lighten up about this and enjoy life a bit more, without worrying about every minor detail that goes wrong. Find a boyfriend and lose your virginity maybe."

Again, Yui stumbled due to Sallem's declaration before righting herself. Glaring for a moment at Sallem in a way she hoped conveyed that he was being obscene, that she didn't need, nor want a boyfriend, and that someone had to uphold morals, she held that glare for a few moments before quickly turning back to face forward.

"That glare brings up a few interesting points I wanted to talk to you about right now." Began Sallem as he pulled up ahead of Yui and ran backwards so that he could not only face her while talking, but also to show off and piss her off. Ignoring the stronger glare she was sending his way, he continued. "Believe it or not, these things you keep getting angry about are accidents more often than not." Getting a punch to the face, while it didn't hurt him in the least, helped him get the message Yui was trying to get across. "Okay, let me amend that statement slightly." He chuckled. "The things that don't involve me in some direct way are accidents more often than not. In other words, once I'm gone, and perhaps even before then, I'd very much recommend that you get that poll out of your ass."

Yui, already having reached her boiling point long ago, launched a powerful kick in mid-stride at Sallem's crotch. Hoping that at least that point would be a sore spot on the seemingly indestructible cyborg. When she saw that he hadn't even reacted to her kick, and it was her own foot hurting instead, she stared at Sallem in shock, disgust, and what seemed to be a strong desire to suddenly lose her breakfast.

Quirking an eyebrow at the new expression, Sallem pondered the look Yui was giving him for a second before he realized what was going on. "You seriously kicked me in the balls, didn't you?" Yui's red and panicked expression was all the answer he needed. "For the record, that part of me actually isn't modified. I just wear a guard down there to protect from groin attacks." Sallem didn't even try to hide his disappointment and disgust at Yui's relieved expression, but continued on in his tangent regardless. "Anyway, as I was saying before that little debacle, you really should put some thought into finding someone you want to spend your life with."

Yui, finally getting it through her head that he wasn't going away anytime soon, just decided to press onward to school and ignore him for the time being. Try as she might though, it was hard to ignore someone who was literally staying two steps ahead of you. And try as she might, it was hard for her to ignore the following words.

"Aren't you at all curious as to how you can get rid of that gunk I put into your mouth?" Asked Sallem, who took Yui tripping over her own feet and slamming into the pavement as a yes. "Very well then! I exclaim most exuberantly! Let us get back on track then, and pick up where my tangent left off!" Ignoring the hammer she hit him in the face with, though idly wondering where she got it in the first place, Sallem continued. "So basically you know the rundown. Complex formula, simple solution, so on and so forth, yada, yada. Bottom line, that gunk I stuffed up your mouth with is keyed to Rito's genetic signature, and can only be removed by his saliva. Or, if you're into some kinky stuff, any other bodily fluids of his you can obtain. I don't really know much about your tastes. I'm not you."

If Yui wasn't mad and flustered before - which, if you've been paying attention, is definitely not the case - she most certainly was now. _'Is he insane?-!'_ Thought Yui in outrage, at least before she remembered who she was talking, or rather thinking about. _'He's basically telling me that I have to ki-ki-ki... Never mind what he's telling me I have to do! There is no way, no chance that I would ever stoop so low as to actually consider what he's saying! I'll just have to find some other way to remove this gunk!'_ She thought as she quickly stormed off to school.

"That's highly inadvisable!" Shouted Sallem after her, having read her expression. "You'd have more luck trying to tow the Tokyo Tower by hand than getting that stuff off without the proper solvent! Sometimes you need to focus on what you need instead of just what you want! You'll need to eat sometime!" Trailing off with a quite chuckle, Sallem pulled out his remote and teleported again.

* * *

><p><strong>Back With Rito<strong>

"Why does this keep happening to me?-!" Shouted Rito as he ran aimlessly through the school building, an angry mob of jealous perverts trailing closely behind.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that it's me at the moment." Smirked Sallem slyly as he pulled up alongside Rito from out of nowhere.

"What do you want now?" Asked Rito tiredly, not even reacting to Sallem's sudden appearance.

"You seem oddly calm for someone who's being chased down by an angry mob of overly-hormonal teenage boys and a middle-aged man who should probably have been arrested years ago for some kind of sexual assault." He remarked as he jerked his thumb in the direction of The Principal, who had joined in the chase at some point. Sallem guessed from the state of damage the man's body and clothes were already in that his reasons for being there involved Yami making a passing mention to Rito being her boyfriend as she beat the tar out of him yet again, and the stout fatty getting angry about it. _'Funny,'_ He thought, _'He never struck me as the vengeful type. He must just be getting tired of me messing with him all the time. Oh well, I do what I love, and I love what I do, no shame in that.'_

"I think that I must be getting used to this by now." Guessed Rito calmly, suddenly no longer regarding the danger chasing him as significant. "People can only try to attack you for misunderstandings so many times before it starts to lose the threat it once held, I suppose."

"Sounds like I'm doing you a favor then." Smiled Sallem as he pulled out his remote and pressed a button on it, reversing his personal gravity and causing him to walk on the ceiling. "Would you care for me to do you another one right now?"

"No, I don't want any favors." Denied Rito skeptically. "I know at least a few things about how you work by now. Though I don't know why you're walking on the ceiling."

"Kicks?" Shrugged Sallem before he put on a hockey mask. "Anyway, since you don't want another favor, I suppose I'll just torment you for a bit now." Pressing two buttons on his remote before Rito could manage even a slight protest, a chainsaw appeared in Sallem's hand, and he proceeded to act like an insane serial killer and scared all of Rito's pursuers away. He even went the extra mile and started gunning for The Principal specifically by the time the chase went outside. However, none of any of this mattered at all to Rito, who was having an episode of his own at the moment. Let's watch the play by play, shall we?

* * *

><p><strong>Play-by-Play Begins<br>**

1) Sallem pressed two buttons on his remote. One caused an already running chainsaw to appear in his hands. The other caused a Yui, who was already running so as not to be late for school, to appear a few short meters ahead of Rito, running the opposite direction.

2) Sallem jumped down from the ceiling and started howling like a maniac with a chainsaw to drive away the mob of hormonal teenagers and The Principal.

3) Rito and Yui tried to stop running, but couldn't stop themselves in time and collided into each other. Since Rito had been running faster, he wound up falling on top of her.

4) The impact knocked the wind out of both of their lungs, and as they each tried to intake air, they found their mouths and tongues tangled up together.

5) The ACME Rubber Cement that had been blocking Yui's mouth, dissolved almost instantly. This caused the two chemical compounds Sallem added to the mixture to be released from the confines of the adhesive.

6) One of the compounds, a trace amount of a powerful - though fast acting - aphrodisiac, caused them both to slightly lean into the inadvertent kiss, and for want of a better term, suck face more passionately.

7) Haruna, who is finally determined to tell Rito her feelings comes by, and upon seeing Rito and Yui making out so passionately in the hallway, quickly loses her resolve, and goes off to find the nearest chair to shiver in.

8) After 21 seconds, the fast acting drug wore off, and Yui quickly slapped Rito away.

9) Sallem goes off into the schoolyard, chasing The Principal with a chainsaw while laughing manically.

**Play-by-Play Over**

* * *

><p>"What do you think you're doing!-?" Demanded Yui indignantly, before she took a moment to notice three points. "I can talk again?" She whispered as Rito started to get on his feet. "How did I get to school?" She asked a bit louder as Rito fully righted himself. "Curse you Sallem Cortez!" She shouted to the heavens, finally realizing what must have happened.<p>

"He got you too?" Asked Rito as he helped her get to her feet.

"I swear I'll get him if it's the last thing I do." Growled Yui as she wiped her mouth off. "His mayhem has gone on for long enough!"

"If you ever find out a way to stop him, more power to you." Sighed Rito as he shook his head. "Anyway, I'm sorry about the... well... you know..." He slowed down as his face turned a slight tinge of red.

"Oh!" Gasped Yui with a start as she remembered what transpired just moments ago. "Yes... that... well, um... Thank you?" She stammered, red-faced as well.

"Um," Muttered an increasingly red Rito. "I'm sorry. What did you just-"

"Forget what I said!" Panicked Yui as she realized some of the many ways her comment - if it could be called that - could be interpreted. "Just-Just... Forget what I said and leave me alone! I mean get to class! I mean... GAHHHH!" She rambled in frustration before running off.

Staring at Yui's retreating form, Rito scratched his head as he wondered what crazy plans Sallem had in store for him this time. Sighing when he came to the conclusion that Sallem was more annoying than anything else, and was just as unpredictable as a roulette machine, with about the same chance of winning against him as one, Rito went on his way.

* * *

><p><strong>With Sallem<strong>

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho!" Laughed Sallem comically as a hogtied Principal was having horrible, unspeakable things done to him in the background by a group of wild pigs. "I have no idea where exactly those pigs came from, but they came at the perfect time. Maybe they escaped from the zoo or something." Shrugging, Sallem pressed a button on his remote and made his chainsaw disappear. "Oh well, no use pondering insanity. Best to just go along for the ride as I always say. Speaking of insanity, are the measures I'm taking here and now with Yui and Rito really necessary? I mean really, keying the adhesive to dissolve only when exposed to a fluid sample of Rito's DNA was tough enough, was keying the fast acting truth serum in the adhesive to Yui's DNA overkill here? And shouldn't I be worried that all these chemicals might have lasting aftereffects on all parties involved? Better yet, why am I going off on a tangent here, when I could be spending some more ti... ti... TIAAACHHHOO!" Sallem sneezed loudly.

Shaking his head to clear it out, Sallem looked around attentively, looking for something. "Where is it?" He asked himself seriously. "My cybernetic body prevents me from getting sick, so the only reason I should be sneezing is either from direct stimulation or - ah - Ah - AHCHOOO!" The force of his sneeze was so great, that it sent him tumbling backwards, where he landed in a pile of trash. Brushing some old food and other refuse off of his person, another sneeze wormed its way out before the source of the problem hit him smack in the face. Literally. Because it was a small black cat that jumped on his face. "ACHOOOO!" Sallem sneezed the cat off of him. "Allergies. *SNRRK*!" He snorted, signs of congestion already heavy in his voice. "Why is it that I can make cures for all kinds of diseases, and modify my body to the extent that I can't get sick, but I still suffer from this stu - Stu - STUATCHOOO! STUPID CAT ALLERGY!" With another snort, he quickly teleported himself home to shower off.

_'Honestly,_' Thought Sallem as he started to strip off his clothes for a nice long shower in his private hotspring to get rid of both the stench of garbage, and any trace of cat on his person._ 'It's because of my stupid weakness to cats that I have so much trouble setting people up with catgirls. You'd think someone would have invented a cure for allergies by now, but no. They're all far too focused on the market appeal of mixing a super-buxom or super-loli woman with a domesticated animal to care about how it might negatively impact people like me.'_ Getting in the shower part of the hotspring and letting the hot water wash over him, Sallem sighed in contemplation._ 'Oh well, I suppose I can't hold it against them too much. Still, I wish I could have a major allergy attack without my partially cybernetic brain losing a few files of information on the grid for a few weeks._' Conducting a quick system diagnostic to see what was missing._ 'Looks like it's a few things from my short term memory this time. I can't remember what I ate for breakfast, though I do recall Karasuba saying that she was planning on taking a nice long soak in... the... hotspring.'_ He trailed off as he realized where he was, and turned to see an adamant looking Karasuba sitting naked a few feet from him. "Hello?" He greeted nervously.

"What... Do you think... You're doing... In here?" Seethed Karasuba as she reached for her abnormally long sword.

"Do you take that thing everywhere with you?" Asked Sallem curiously as he tilted his head.

"Don't change the subject!" Shouted Karasuba as she took a swing at him, only for her sword to clang against his hard metal body.

"Why are you getting so mad?" Asked Sallem nonchalantly. "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before."

"That's beside the point." She growled. "I said that I'd be using this for most of the morning today, or do you not recall that?" Suddenly, the door opened, and in came Benitsubasa and Haihane.

"Karasuba, what's with all the noise in..." Stopped Benitsubasa suddenly when she saw who was in the sauna.

"Well," Remarked Haihane calmly. "At least we know for sure he's really not gay."

"Sallem? How could you?" Teared up Benitsubasa. "How could you go this far with her before me?"

"I can think of two good reasons." Joked Haihane as she poked at Benitsubasa's flat chest.

"Cut that out!" Demanded Benitsubasa.

"Okay, this routine is getting tiresome." Deadpanned Sallem.

"Then you can get out." Seethed Karasuba as she tried to cut Sallem again, and again to no avail.

"Now there's a thought." Hummed Sallem mockingly. "But if you don't mind, I have a counter proposal. Everybody in the hotspring!"

"DAMN YOU!" Shouted Karasuba as she tried and failed to split Sallem's head open like a watermelon, and Benitsubasa and Haihane were quick to get in the hotspring.

* * *

><p>There we go, another chapter down. Hope you all enjoyed how things are going so far, and be sure to click that little review button. As you may have noticed, I changed the summary for the story to something a little less needy sounding. Yeah, so look forward to more of this in the future, and if you could, try to give me some ideas. I still kinda need them.<p> 


	3. Black Cat, No Not That One

I know that people are reading this, and I'm getting tired of not getting any reviews for my work. Therefor, let's go over how this works. I write the work and post it, while all of you read the work and review to it. If nothing else, I'd like at least two reviews per chapter, and I'd like it if you could all just take a few moments of your time to post the reviews I love so much, because they feed me vital creative juices that I need to come up with this stuff. So without further adieu, let's get this chapter started, and hope that everyone out there decides to put in some effort towards showing me and my work some love!

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><p><strong>The Next Week - Yuuki Household<br>**

_'Today is going to be a horrible day.'_ Thought Rito glumly. This was certainly an unusual turn of events. Normally thoughts like this are reserved for the goth, the emo, and the suicidal. He wasn't the first one, he wasn't attractive enough to be the second, and hopefully he wasn't the third. Seriously, if he can go through all the stuff he has so far since Lala entered his life without giving up his cheerful disposition for more than a few seconds, why is he so depressed now? What could bring on this sudden drop in his mood? To answer that question, we'll have to go back in time a few days.

* * *

><p><strong>Three Days Ago - Kotegawa Household<strong>

"Seriously?-!" Asked Yuu Kotegawa his girlfriend Akiho excitedly on the phone. "You really mean it?"

"Calm down for a second," Scolded Akiho playfully over the phone. "I'm not proposing to you or anything. I just want to know if you'd be free this evening for dinner at that fancy sushi place that recently opened up downtown. I won four tickets at a raffle yesterday and I thought I'd treat you."

Yuu personally couldn't care less what her reasons were, just the fact that his girlfriend finally seemed to be taking their relationship as seriously as he did was good enough for him. He'd been getting worried for a bit that she might not actually like him as much as he liked her, since he always had to go out of his way to ask her out, and sometimes she was just too flaky to even want to do anything. He was actually wondering if he might have to cut off the relationship, since things had been touch and go there for a while, but things seemed to be looking up again. It was then, that a thought occurred to Yuu. "You said that you have four tickets, right? What are you gonna do with the other two?" Suddenly he was worried for their date.

"Oh, those," Remarked Akiho nonchalantly. "I wasn't really gonna do anything with them, and they expire soon, so why don't you go and invite some friends or something." Secretly, Akiho put those two extra tickets out there to sound polite, and so that things wouldn't go too far on this date. She wasn't really looking for a relationship right now, but having a nice boy toy around from time to time was something she really liked.

"Oh, okay." Said Yuu somewhat dejectedly, his good mood now slightly less good. "Alright then, I'll find a few friends and meet you there."

"Great! Looking forward to it!" Akiho said excitedly, just to bait the hook a bit more before she hung up.

Sighing, Yuu put his phone away before flopping on his bed and slipping his shirt off to get cool. "This is just great. Right when things are looking up for my relationship, I get stuck bringing along not just a third, but a fourth wheel. Honestly, what's a guy like me have to do to get a relationship just right?" Turning on his back, he just decided to stare at the ceiling for a bit to think things over.

"I think I might be able to help you with you troubles." Came a voice that seemed to come from all around Yuu.

"What was that?-!" Said Yuu as he sat bolt upright. "Who said that?-!"

"I'm right behind you, my friend." Said the voice as something roughly grabbed Yuu by his head, and flipped him over onto his mattress. Rubbing his sore head and neck, Yuu angled his head upright to see Sallem decked out in his favorite attire of mismatched clothes. "Sounds to me like you've got love troubles, Yuu Kotegawa, and you can consider me here to help."

Pinching his cheek to make certain he wasn't in a dream, Yuu stared at Sallem for a moment before daring to venture a question. "Okay, first of all, don't do that again. You really hurt my neck just now." He requested as he straightened out the last kinks in his neck. "Second of all, who are you? And third, how exactly can you help me?"

"All in due course, my good man. All in due course." Began Sallem charismatically as he held out a hand to help Yuu stand up, the moment he grabbed it, Sallem pulled him upright without a word of warning. "As to you second point of fact, which is your first question, my name is Sallem Cortez."

"Sallem Cortez?" Tested Yuu as he rubbed his wrist before realizing who he was. "Wait a second... Are you the guy my sister's been complaining about lately?"

"Well for such a loafing ladies man as yourself, you certainly do pay attention to the needs and concerns of your family." Sallem observed happily as he pulled out his remote. "Tell me, what exactly has the girl been saying about me?"

Not exactly certain if he could place any measure of trust in someone he didn't know aside from secondhand accounts from his sister, and not very flattering accounts either, Yuu proceeded cautiously. "Well, aside from her usual spiel of how morals and rules need to be upheld, she's said that you do some pretty outrageous things." Waiting to see if Sallem had a response, but getting none, he continued. "She's said that you've pulled a lot of pranks that defy all logic, and that they can get pretty dangerous sometimes. She also mentioned that you're an alien, but with all the weird things happening around town this past year or so, I think that's actually the least weird thing she's said about you."

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho." Chuckled Sallem quietly. "Isn't that just like the girl? Always focusing more on the negative than the positive. If you ask me, she really needs to lighten up a little. She'll never get anywhere in life if she always stresses over every little thing."

Chuckling at the rather accurate description of his little sister, Yuu loosened up a little himself. "Yeah, she'll never get a boyfriend if she keeps that attitude up." He admitted.

"Agreed." Nodded Sallem, glad to be on the same page now. "At any rate, this brings us to your third point of fact, and second question. How I can help you, which will in turn, help me, as well as a few other parties." Pressing a button on his remote, a screen with pictures of both Yuu and Akiho appeared. While Yuu wondered how he did that and where he got photos of both him, and his girlfriend, Sallem explained the inner machinations of his mind. "You will recall that your girlfriend received tickets for four to a sushi restaurant, yes?" When Yuu nodded, though with a look of getting more confused by the second, Sallem continued. "I'll be perfectly honest. I set that up." Paying no heed to Yuu's shocked look, he continued again. "My reasons for this are long and complicated, but suffice to say, my bank accounts stand very much to gain from my actions here on Earth."

_'Now I think I'm getting an idea of this guy,'_ Thought Yuu as he scratched his chin. _'Whatever's going on here, money is his motivation. These kinds of people are always easy to understand, no matter how crazy they seem.'_ Confident that he could now better deal with any curve balls Sallem threw his way, he relaxed a bit more.

"Get that twinkle out of your eye," Scolded Sallem playfully, having read Yuu's expressions like a book. "Because I still have a few more things to say before we can get started. The main problem you're suffering from, right here and now, is that you want to go on a romantic date with your girlfriend, but those two extra tickets are getting in your way. Are you with me so far?"

Realizing something was amiss here, Yuu questioned Sallem again. "Now that you bring it up, why did you give her four tickets?" He asked seriously. "If your plans, whatever they are, somehow involve me going on a date with Akiho, why give her extras?" The idea didn't make much sense to him.

"Now we're getting to the important stuff," Smiled Sallem, though he stayed quiet. "You see, it's not you that make these plans work, so much as it is your sister. At least at the moment."

Now Yuu was confused again. "Why does my sister have anything to do with this? Shouldn't you be talking to her if she's so important?"

"Would you ask someone who currently hates your guts to cooperate with a greedy plan of yours?" Asked Sallem rhetorically.

"I guess not." Admitted Yuu sheepishly, actually starting to like this guy, or at least his sense of humor. "So where does my sister come in to all of this?"

"She comes into this equation with you, using the tickets Akiho provides." Smirked Sallem. "Of course, it's not just her, but Rito too."

"Rito?" Wondered Yuu, now all but completely lost. "Why would all of this involve him..." Suddenly, several things seemed to click in his mind at once. He remembered his first meeting with Rito, how his sister reacted to being questioned about him, the time she made chocolate for valentines day, when Rito came over during Yui's cold, and perhaps most importantly, a few passing mentions Yui made recently to how Rito was becoming a playboy, and therefor even more of a trouble to the morals of the school. At the times these had happened, Yuu brushed them off as nothing more than his sister developing her first crush and not wanting anyone to know about it, including the object of her affections himself, and at the time, they were. Now however, they helped him piece together what Sallem was planning. "A Double Date?" Realized Yuu curiously, with a hint of excitement.

"Well, well. It would seem that there are some people originating from this planet that actually think somewhere along the same lines as I do." Smiled Sallem enthusiastically. "Now as to whether or not that's a good thing is yet to be determined. Regardless, this bodes well for the both of us at least, if no one else."

"There are still a few things that are bugging me though," Intervened Yuu, catching Sallem's full attention. "My little sister mentioned that you're setting Rito up with a lot of girls. Normally I'd be pretty interested in a prospect like that, but this is still my little sister we're talking about here. Even though I may tease her a bit, I still want her to be happy."

"And you're worried that the center of a harem might not be able to manage that." Nodded Sallem understandingly. "I totally get where you're coming from. Honestly, if I weren't me, I'd be worried myself. Rest assured though, I wouldn't be setting Rito up with so many girls if I wasn't positive that he could make them all happy and be able to manage everything. Trust me, I've seen his kind before, and they always come through for their harem."

"Alright then," Nodded Yuu skeptically. "I guess I'll have to take your word for that. But there is one other thing on my mind though." Yuu added, holding up a finger in thought. "You said you were in this mostly for the money. How exactly would giving Rito a harem get you money?"

"Alright," Smiled Sallem cheerfully. "Since I've taken quite a liking to you, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to tell you. Just so long as you promise to keep it a secret."

"I'll stay quiet, just so long as my sister finally finds herself a good boyfriend." Grinned Yuu cheekily.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho! It's like looking in a mirror." Chuckled Sallem. "Alright then, I assume you're more or less familiar with the situation Rito's been in since Lala arrived?" Receiving a nod in confirmation, Sallem leaned in and whispered something into Yuu's ear. Nodding several times as Sallem whispered his tale, Yuu eventually started snickering like a hyena.

"Oh man! That is good!" Snickered Yuu. "You are so evil." He added in good nature.

"I try my best," Said Sallem playfully. "So it's settled. All you have to do is invite both Yui and Rito to this double date, but don't mention to either anyone else who's attending. Make them both think that it's just you inviting them. Yui's your sister, so that will be easy, and just tell Rito that you got these tickets and your girlfriend didn't want to go with you. This way, the romantic mood not only stays, but it improves as well because it's a double date."

"So you want me to make it sound like I can't get a girl." Yuu said in mock offense. "What do you take me for?"

"A very good actor apparently." Joked Sallem. "So do we have a deal?" He asked, holding out his hand.

"Deal." Said Yuu as he accepted the handshake.

* * *

><p><strong>A Few Hours Later - Late Evening - With Yuu and Yui.<strong>

"Remind me again why I agreed to come with you?" Asked Yui of her elder brother as they walked to the sushi restaurant. "It may not be a school night, but we're still out past curfew."

"Because, I thought this might be good for a little brother-sister bonding time." Answered Yuu playfully.

Glancing at her brother skeptically out of the corner of her eye, Yui retorted. "I might be more inclined to believe that if you hadn't combed your hair." She said doubtfully. "You wouldn't bother doing something like that unless there was a girl involved."

Looking hurt, Yuu realizes the jig is somewhat up, and told a believable lie he and Sallem rehearsed. "Alright, you've caught me," He semi-admitted sheepishly. "There's this girl who really likes strong, caring, big brother types, and I told her that I have just the cutest little sister who I look out for no matter what, and who looks up to me. So do you think that you could do me this one favor? Please?"

"Not a chance!" Huffed Yui indignantly. "You're just using me so you can hit on girls. I refuse to be taken advantage of like this." Turning around, she marched off. "I'm going home, and you'll just have to tell this girl that you lied to her to score a date."

"But we're already here!" Insisted Yuu as he pointed to the building he was standing by. "And the food is on me!"

"I don't care!" Insisted Yui as she turned to angrily address her brother. "If you really want to find a good girlfriend, then you should try cleaning up that flirtatious attitude of yours first!"

"Yui? What are you doing here?" Asked Rito as he walked up beside Yuu.

"R-R-Rito?-!" Stuttered a slightly flustered Yui. "What are you doing here?-!"

"Yuu invited me to this new sushi place," Replied Rito. "He said that he got tickets to this place in a raffle, but his girlfriend didn't want to go with him."

The moment she heard this, the gears started to turn in Yui's head. However, her thought process was somewhat clouded by rage and embarrassment at her brother and Rito respectively. _'What is my brother thinking?-!'_ She thought angrily. _'He's obviously gotten the wrong idea about Rito and I in the past, and it's clear he still doesn't know what he's doing! The only reason he would have deceived both of us to come here with him is if he were... he were...'_

"Damn it Onii-san!" Exploded Yui loudly, startling her brother and Rito. "Messing with me is one thing, but you've finally gone too far! Is it not bad enough that you're running your own life into the ground?-! Now you have to drag me down with you?-!" Panting heavily in rage from exhausting her lungs, Yui stared down an uncomfortable and slightly frightened looking pair of men who frustrated her to no end.

"Excuse me," Said a girl who had just walked up beside Yuu. "But you're kinda scaring the wits out of my date here." Akiho mentioned as she patted Yuu on the shoulder.

"Akiho!" Greeted Yuu excitedly. "Good to see you. I see you're getting acquainted with my little sister Yui."

"This is your little sister?" Akiho questioned. "Good. I was afraid you were seeing someone else behind my back." She teased, though it was all a ruse. She quite frankly couldn't care less if Yuu saw people besides her, she just wanted to make certain he stuck around for a while longer. At least until she got her fill of fun out of him.

"Don't be ridiculous," Laughed Yuu as his sister turned red with indignation. "Why would anyone date their little sister. Besides, her boyfriend here doesn't like anyone else making the moves on her. Isn't that right, Rito?" He said as he grabbed Rito in a mock headlock.

"B-B-Boyfriend?-!" Panicked Yui and Rito in unison, both red as a hot pepper.

"Rito?" Muttered Akiho suspiciously. _'Isn't that the name of the guy Haruna likes?'_ She thought. _'I had no idea he was already seeing someone else. My poor little sister would be devastated if she found out about this.'_

"Now wait just a minute!" Complained Yui furiously. "I don't know what kind of game you're trying to play here, but if you think for one minute that I'm just going to stand here and take it, you've got another thing coming! So why don't you just enjoy your dinner date, and leave Rito and I out of it!" Grabbing the door to the restaurant in an effort to swing it open and be dramatic, she recoiled when she received a static shock from the door handle. Glaring at her clearly amused brother like a little child who'd just been swindled out of some candy, she tried again, and this time managed to get the door open without complications. "Just because I got shocked just now, doesn't make my point any less valid!"

"Why are we all wasting time arguing?" Intervened Akiho quickly as she grabbed both Yui and Rito by their shoulders and began to strong arm them into the restaurant, ignoring their protests. "Let's get inside and start eating. These tickets I got are only good until the day's up, after all. Coming Yuu?" She called as she managed to get inside. _'There's obviously more to this than what's on the surface,'_ She thought. _'Haruna doesn't usually talk much about her social life, being the shy and quiet girl she is, but at least one thing I do know is that she'd really into this Rito guy. Yuu's obviously hiding something based on his sister's reaction, but what it is I really don't know. Even after dating him for months, I really never paid that much attention to what he's like. I guess there are some downsides to faking a relationship after all.'_

Staring after his girlfriend in confusion, clueless as to what was going on in her head and why she just helped out his situation so much just now, Yuu followed them inside.

Meanwhile, appearing from around the corner was Sallem, with a grim look on his face and a strange device with a familiar, spiral shaped logo on it in his hand. "Oh boy," He muttered. "What a time for the frequency of my remote to get crossed with Lala's cell phone. I just hope that whatever that shock did to Yui isn't permanent. Otherwise I'm in the doghouse, no pun intended this time." Sneaking into the restaurant behind them, he had to stifle a sneeze to keep his cover. _'Damn strays.'_ He thought.

* * *

><p><strong>In the Restaurant<strong>

"So... you two aren't dating?" Akiho asked Yui once introductions were fully out of the way and an extra large plate of sushi had been brought to the table. They had gotten a booth, Akiho and Yuu were seated on one side of the table, while Yui and Rito were sitting as far apart as possible on the other. Yui of course, had explained the situation to her. In her own interpretation that is.

"No we are not." Huffed Yui as she glared at both her brother and Rito, causing them both to shy away in their seats.

"Why would you do something like this?" Rito whispered to Yuu under the scrutiny of Yui.

"I thought it would help my sister get out of her shell." Yuu whispered back, obviously finding the situation much more amusing than Rito did.

"Quit whispering to each other!" Scolded Yui. "Honestly, how did I get stuck with such a thoughtless brother?" She growled.

Akiho, much different than her usual outgoing and playful self, was actually regarding Rito thoughtfully right now. "So Rito," She began, "You're really not seeing Yui?"

Catching a glimpse at Yui's red face which Rito had come to associate with pain, he responded quickly. "No! I'm not with her!" He panicked.

Akiho glanced from Rito, to Yuu, back to Rito again. "So, is there anyone that you are seeing then?" _'I've got to find at least this much out for Haruna.'_

"Well..." Rito trailed off, not certain how to tell Haruna's sister that he was involved in a harem... Actually, there really didn't seem like any good way to go about it.

"Rito! Is that you?" Called a familiar voice that Rito could really go without hearing right now. The sound of many people moving in unison could be heard as Ryouko cut a path through the room with her muscular bulk. Upon arriving at their table, she propped herself on the table with her arms and swiped some sushi, giving everyone an excellent view of her cleavage, making Yui slide away, and scaring the crap out of Akiho. "I thought it was you. What brings you here?"

"Hello, Rito." Greeted Yami as she peered around Ryouko, smiling when she saw her boyfriend. "It's good to see you."

"Uhhh, Rito?" Began Akiho, scared stiff by the presence of a hulking woman like Ryouko. "Who are these two?"

_'Oh crap!'_ Panicked Rito. _'If Haruna's sister finds out that I'm dating both of them, my chances with Haruna could go right down the drain!'_

"Um, they're just-" Rito began before he was cut off by Ryouko's mammoth sized bosoms smothering his face.

"We're just his lovers." Cooed Ryouko affectionately as she pulled both Rito and Yami into a big hug.

"H-His lovers?" Repeated Akiho, clearly panicked with all this drama. "Both of you?"

"Of course," She answered as she saw Yui's red face. "Though I think you mean the three of us." She amended as she grabbed Yui and pulled her into the group hug as well, eliciting many protests from all people gathered in her arms.

"Ryouko! I don't think now is the time for this!"

"Normally I'd hurt you for getting this close to me without permission, but I'll leave it be since Ryouko's the one instigating it."

"Rito! Where do you think you're putting your hands!-?"

Akiho, her eye twitching at the disturbing, yet somehow oddly arousing scene before her, quickly passed out into Yuu's lap.

"Akiho! Are you alright?-!" Panicked Yuu, though all he got in response were gurgles and mumbling.

"Mikado-sensei! Let me go already!" Struggled Yui against the wall of muscle that was Ryouko.

"Alright, alright," Teased Ryouko as she let go of the three of them. "I've had my fun."

"You call that fun?" Hissed Yui, totally red in the face, not noticing Sallem standing behind her holding a sign that said 'Abort! Given them the Tickets and RUN!' in bright red letters.

"Uh, I would?" Said Yuu uncertainly as he gathered up his sleeping girlfriend in his arms. "Anyway... I think I'm just gonna take Akiho home now... and try to wake her up... So, uh..." He trailed off as he dug in her purse and pulled out the tickets. "Here! These expire today anyway, and I'm sure she wouldn't want them to go to waste, so just take them and have fun!" Rushing out in a panic of nervousness and confusion, he was gonna have a few choice words to say to Sallem the next time he saw him.

"Ah... AH... AHCHOO!" Sneezed Sallem loudly, blowing his cover and drawing the attention of Rito and his harem trio at the table, which 3 times out of 4, was a bad thing. "Hello everyone." He greeted nervously.

"Hello Sallem," Greeted Ryouko pleasantly. "I had a feeling you were behind this when I saw Rito and Yui together."

"Yami," Began Rito tensely. "If you wouldn't mind, do you think you could...?" He trailed off, leaving it to her imagination.

"Not at all, Rito dear." She agreed as she turned her hair into blades, a small smile and blush on her face from calling Rito dear.

"Now hang on just a-AHCHOO!" He sneezed as he dodged Yami's hair blades. "I know this looks bad, but I have a-AHCHOO!" He sneezed again as he fell over. "I'm sure that if you just gave me a-AHCHOO!" He sneezed again, stumbling as he tried to get up. "WHY ARE MY ALLERGIES ACTING UP IN A SUSHI RESTAURANT?-! I'M ALLERGIC TO CATS! NOT FISH! AHCHOO!" He sneezed one final time as he stumbled into a garbage can. "Uhhhh, my nasal passages. AHCHOO!" He groaned, clearly congested.

Blinking in confusion at the unbelievable sight of Sallem falling over himself into a trashcan, all four of them started laughing to some degree or another.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! That was just so satisfying!" Guffawed Rito loudly.

"Heh heh. It's not every day the richest man in the galaxy falls into a trash can." Said Yami, doing her best to make light of the situation even more.

"Fu fu fu fu," Chuckled Ryouko. "You'd think they would have invented a cure for allergies by now. Unfortunately for you, that's not the case."

"Nya ha ha ha ha!" Laughed Yui happily, Sallem suddenly sitting bolt upright in attention for some reason. "Nya ha ha ha ha! I know I shouldn't feel so happy from just this, but it's way too funny! Nya ha ha ha ha!"

Eye twitching before another sneeze came out, Sallem shook his head in shock and disbelief. "No," He whispered. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no-AHCHOO! No, no, no, no, no-AHCHOO! Yes, yes, yes, yes-AHCHOO!" He finally conceded some unknown point.

"What are you going on about now?" Asked Yami suspiciously.

His heads drooping in defeat as he pulled out his remote, Sallem sighed. "Life just got a whole lot more difficult. AHCHOO!" He teleported out with a sneeze.

All four of them staring at the empty space Sallem once occupied, Yui was the first to speak. "By the way, why are you two here?" She asked Yami and Ryouko sternly. "Did Sallem put you up to this? It's obvious that he somehow dragged my brother into this, but what about you two?"

"Sallem had nothing to do with our being here." Answered Yami as she and Ryouko relocated themselves to the other side of the table. "Ryouko was glad to have me join Rito's harem, and decided to celebrate tonight."

"I would have done it sooner, but my week's been pretty busy." Ryouko admitted as she grabbed some sushi. "By the way, if no one else is going to eat this, then I'll take some." She said as she popped the morsel into her mouth.

"It does seem like a waste to not use these tickets for free meals here." Yui said as she eyed the large plate of sushi hungrily. Quickly grabbing a few for herself, she began to chow down.

"I... guess if no one else is going to use these then it'd be okay." Conceded Rito as he made a move for some tuna sushi, only for Ryouko to grab it first. "Uh..."

"Rito," Cooed Ryouko playfully from the seat across him as she held the tuna up to his face. "Say 'Ahhhh' for me."

His face gaining a slight red tinge to it, Rito quickly remembered that things like these were normal for people in a relationship, and opened his mouth to accept the sushi. Unfortunately for Rito, Yami noticed this action and decided to copy it.

"Rito," Yami said as she used her hair hands to hold chopsticks and grab several pieces of sushi. "Say 'Ahhhh' for me."

As his jaw dropped in shock, Yami took it as a sign that he was complying, and stuffed all the sushi into his mouth at once, causing him to gag as he tried to get it down.

"Rito," Steamed Yui after Rito managed to force down much of the sushi. Rito, nervous that she would chew him out for acting so close to his harem in public, slowly turned to face her. "Quit hogging all the sushi." She complained, completely surprising Rito, as that was certainly not what he was expecting, and he was expecting what happened next even less. She kissed him!

Reactions to this were many and varied. Ryouko said cheerfully, "Well this is something else. Looks like the group is growing quickly. I can't wait to see how it will all end up." Yami said suspiciously, "I know Sallem's methods are effective, but this is a bit too fast to be believed." Rito thought nervously, _'What's gotten into her?-! Is she using tongue? She's licking the food out of my mouth!'_ And Yui thought hungrily, _'Mmmm! This sushi is so good! So many different flavors of fish already mixed together in a taste sensation! I love it!'_

Eventually though, Yui retreated from Rito's lips to munch on the already been chewed sushi freely. "I love fishies!" She said happily as what looked like cat ears popped up on her head. Almost instantly, everyone at the table besides Yui took notice of her new ears.

"Yui," Began Rito carefully. "Are you feeling alright?"

Snapping out of her fish induced trance, she glared at Rito and made a hissing noise, as claws quickly sprouted from her fingertips. "What do you think you're making me do?-!" She asked in a fierce sounding hissing voice. "Why did I suddenly kiss you?"

"I have no idea," Said Rito nervously. "But Yui, you may want to get a look in a mirror, or see a doctor."

"Although," Intervened Ryouko, obviously amused. "A veterinarian might be a better option."

"Rrrrroowww," Growled Yui as she bared her teeth Ryouko, now with sharp canines. "Why would I need something like that?"

"Because you seem to be turning into a cat." Answered Yami, tired of this game.

"Turning into a what?" Blinked Yui as her eyes turned into cat eyes, not fully believing what she was hearing. "What are you talking abo-" Yui suddenly stopped short as the full moon began to climb over the horizon, and something inside her began to take root. Fur began to grow out of her forearms and calves. A tail sprouted out of of her tailbone. The ears on the sides of her head disappeared into her head as the cat ears on top of it began to twitch. But the real kicker would have to be from the way she licked her lips once Rito caught her gaze and she pounced on him.

"Rito. Let's make kitties!" Yui demanded cutely.

* * *

><p><strong>Fast-forward - Present<strong>

And so it had gone. Yui had been - for lack of a better word - horny the whole night, and Ryouko and Yami had to chase her and Rito around for half an hour before they finally managed to catch her in a kennel. During that time, Yui had managed to tear most of his clothes off of him, and Sallem had arrived wearing a scuba mask and tank to bribe the cops into not arresting Rito for public exposure. Why the cops had never done the same to the Principal was something Sallem was offended by. Apparently, Sallem's remote had crossed frequency with Lala's cellphone, and one of her inventions malfunctioned, causing cat DNA to be fused with Yui's. When Rito demanded that he undo it, he replied that he couldn't, due to a prank he pulled on Yui a few days ago having the inadvertent aftereffect of making the cat DNA bond so well with Yui, that it was literally too deeply interwoven and fastened to Yui's DNA to be removed.

Rito didn't know the full details of the prank, but Sallem told him that it involved a powerful rubber cement, and to leave it at that. Personally, Rito was outraged at the idea of Yui having to stay like that her whole life, while Yami asked if she would always be so ecchi from now on. Sallem didn't have a response to Rito's point, but assured Yami that, due to a bit of research he conducted in what couldn't have taken more than 10 minutes at most, this behavior was brought on by the full moon, and wouldn't happen again until the next one. While Ryouko commented that was closer to the description of a werewolf than a catgirl, she also said that it was 'An interesting angle' whatever that meant.

Now for what Rito was dreading. The inevitable confrontation with a now part cat Yui that was waiting for him at school. Personally, he was worried that she might place some of the blame on him, while Sallem was more worried about how she would set off his allergies, and that he'd have to wear air tanks whenever she's around. At any rate, if there's one thing Rito knows about cats, it's that they have very sharp claws, and as his clothes found out three days ago, Yui has big ones.

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><p>There! This chapter is done! Now, for the love of God (and I'm Agnostic, so you know that declaration means something) will somebody please review?-! I want to see at least three reviews per chapter from now on. Seriously? I used to get a fair amount of reviews for my To Love-Ru stories, and I haven't even gotten one so far in Volume Three. So I'm asking nicely. Review. Please. Thank you and have a nice day.<p> 


	4. Biology Is Not Your Friend

Hello again! I'd like to thank all the people who went out of their way to review to my story, especially since I was being so whiny about wanting reviews, which I still want many more of by the way. Anyway, without further adieu, let's begin chapter 4!

"One more thing!" You've all seen the characters I have in my poll, right? And you obviously know that Yui's a catgirl now, so let's spice things up a bit now, shall we? If you have an interesting angle or transformation you want to see in any of these girls in the poll, post a review to this story saying what you want, and who you want it on. I'll see if I can't squeeze something in there when the time comes.

"One more thing!" The bulk of this chapter (which is the longest one I've published yet in this series) really pushes the T rating I've given this story, though it's still no worse than anything you'd find in canon. Still, you have been warned, so I can take no responsibility for anything that may go through your mind as a result of reading this chapter.

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><p><strong>On The Way to School - With Rito, Sallem, Lala, and Yami<strong>

"Is all of that really necessary?" Rito asked Sallem, referring to the scuba equipment he was wearing.

"You have no idea, Rito." Replied Sallem, who sounded like Darth Vader behind his diving mask, customized to cover his half Glasgow Grin. "Without this gear, I'd be sneezing up a storm around Yui when we get to school." Adjusting the oxygen tank on his back, he added. "I may be a genius of all fields, but even I can't come up with a way to cure my allergies. This equipment is the only way I won't be sneezing and hacking my lungs up around cats."

"Why can't you come up with something?" Asked Lala curiously. "Back on Deviluke, and even here on Earth, there are plenty of ways to treat allergies."

"It's not that simple Lala," Began Yami. "The genetic code of Sallem's species varies so drastically from person to person, there is very little common ground in terms of physical aliments."

"Is that true, Sallem?" Asked Rito.

"Absolutely." Nodded Sallem. "Why do you think no one ever refers to my species by anything other than something along the lines of 'My Species'? It's because we're all so radically different from each other that no one can agree on a name for our kind. The only thing we all have in common is the ability to breed with pretty much any living species. Other than that, you may find some of us who have too many eyes, not enough eyes, giants, midgets, things with tentacles, things with wings, things that just freak you out, things with extra senses, even things that could kill you with a glance, or something else altogether. I actually kinda wish that I had inherited more genes from my maternal Grandpa, since he's a Mr. Saturn and all. They're pretty much the single most awesome species in the entire galaxy and, bluntly speaking, he was more of a dad to me than my real dad ever was." Shaking his head, he concluded. "The canine lineage I'm so proud of is just something my ancestors picked up from werewolves (not the kind from Twilight. I'll murder anyone who so much as suggests the idea, using a very slow and painful drug overdose method, while also torturing them day in and day out) somewhere along the line that has a lot of staying power in my genetic code."

"Amazing!" Gushed Lala excitedly. "I had no idea it was so colorful on your planet, Sallem!"

"I guess that might explain how someone who's supposed to be your clone would look so different from you." Observed Rito as he recalled the lanky, white haired, and highly perverted Victor. "Honestly, why would you even make them in the first place?"

"Clones..." Whispered Yami as she stared at the ground, slightly hurt by Rito's words.

Rito, taking immediate notice of her pain, wrapped his arm over her shoulder and looked her straight in the eyes with a disarming gentle smile. "Sorry if I offended you just now, Yami." He apologized. "I was venting some frustration and I hurt you without meaning to. I hope you know that I'd never do anything to hurt you on purpose. I do love you after all."

Smiling back at Rito, Yami nestled her head in the crook of his shoulder, glad that she was still cared for, still loved. "Don't worry too much Rito. I've run into one of Sallem's clones myself, and it wasn't exactly pleasant."

"Oh yeah, Maverick mentioned that a while ago." Sallem confirmed. "He said he was trying to recruit you into the Gray Clan, but you said no."

"The Gray Clan?" Repeated Rito curiously. "What's that supposed to be?"

"It's a major criminal organization Maverick founded a few years ago." Sallem replied nonchalantly, as if he were simply discussing the weather. "It started out small and simple enough, but it rocketed full throttle to become the biggest crime ring in the galaxy in just a few months. I'm so proud of my criminal mastermind little brother." He said affectionately, his eyes creasing closed in a manner that showed he was grinning underneath his mask.

Swallowing a lump in his throat, Rito mentally noted that whoever this Maverick was, he needed to stay away from him.

"I thought you said that Maverick had stopped being such a jerk." Said Lala bitterly

"I said no such thing," Denied Sallem point blank. "What I said was that he'd mellowed out. Starting and running a galactic scale criminal organization is mellow for Maverick."

"Why is it that I'm not surprised that you're related to a criminal?" Came a voice from above them.

"Please, anything but her." Shuddered Sallem as he checked the air pressure in his oxygen tanks.

Looking up, Rito, Yami, and Lala saw Yui perched on top of a fence on all fours like a the partial cat she now was. "I heard that, Sallem." Growled Yui as her cat ears twitched as if to emphasize her point. Jumping off the fence and landing gracefully on two legs, Yui extended her claws and glared at Sallem threateningly. "I also know about your allergies. So unless you want to spend the rest of your stay here on Earth sneezing day in and day out, I suggest you get your act together and start acting like a good student. Do I make myself clear?" She asked as she held a claw up to one of the air hoses connecting his mask to his air tanks.

Visibly panicking, Sallem quickly snatched the hose away from Yui's claws and retreated several feet in an instant. "Careful with those! Do you have any idea how serious things like allergies and sickness are to my species?-! I could seriously die from getting something as simple as the flu! Even allergies are the stuff of nightmares for me!"

"Seriously?" Questioned a surprised Yui before her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Or are you just making that up in the hopes that I might go easy on you now that I finally have an advantage against you?"

"Uh..." Hesitated Sallem worriedly as his eyes darted back and forth. "Look! A monkey!" He pointed at a vague point in the distance before darting off faster than anyone could follow, only Lala actually falling for his ploy.

Yui huffed as she crossed her arms in disgust, glaring in the direction Sallem ran off in. "There he goes again, always making everything the problem of somebody else. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be stuck with these." She remarked as she glared at her claws and hairy arms. "Oh well, at the rate the world's going, aliens and the like will probably become commonplace soon enough, and at least the ears and tail are easy enough to hide." She relented as she folded her ears against her head and worked her tail into her shirt. "But don't even think about getting any funny ideas Rito!" She declared angrily as she pointed at the man in question. "I know what goes on in boy's heads when they see girls and cats together, so you'd better watch where you step from now on, or you'll meet with my claws!" She finished as she flashed her claws at Rito, who gulped in fear at the thought of being on the wrong end of them.

_'Oh man,'_ Thought Rito nervously. _'Yui's really gotten scary since she got turned into a catgirl. Even worse, Sallem's no doubt still planning to set me up with her. I know him well enough to know that a few allergies won't be enough stop him.'_

"At any rate," Began Yui with pride and authority in her voice, as well as clear on her face. "Things seem to be in order now, so it's about time for all of us to get to school. Chop-chop everyone! Education waits for no one!" It was clear to everyone that, now that she had some degree of power and control over what's going on around her for pretty much the first time since Lala showed up, Yui was going to really enjoy being in charge for the first time in over a year. "Now whether we're at school, or in public, it's important for us to represent our both our school, and our age group to the best of our abilities! Which means that there will be no public displays of affection or obscenities. Do I make myself clear, Rito?" She asked sternly as she separated Rito and Yami.

While Rito was too afraid to resist, Yami was much more stone faced and embittered about Yui's actions. Regardless of what they were to each other in the past, Rito was her boyfriend now, and she wasn't about to let anyone get in the way of her bonding time with him. She'd read in a highly recommended book on relationships that times like these were important for keeping love strong and fresh. "I'm staying with Rito." Objected Yami as she nestled herself back into the crook of Rito's shoulder. "Do I make myself clear, Yui?" She asked in an ironic echo as her hair turned into several blades, all of them pointed directed at Yui.

"Uh... Yes... You've made your point." Answered Yui nervously, quickly realizing that, even though she now had highly effective methods for dealing with Sallem, there were still some other students out there who could still pose something of a problem to her, and they weren't allergic to cats. "Well, at any rate, as I said before, school awaits, and I expect to see you all there and in class before the first bell." She said as she beat a hasty retreat disguised as her being worried about being late for school.

Though he had nothing to say aloud at the scene before him, Rito still thought to himself thankfully. _'I'm actually kinda glad that she's not pointing her hair weapons at me for once.' _His relief however, was quickly cut short when out of nowhere, a water balloon hit him in the face.

"Sorry about that mister!" Called a nearby small child who had obviously thrown the balloon. "My friend and I were playing and didn't look where we were throwing our water balloons!"

"But that girl you're with was really cool!" Cried the child's friend excitedly. "She got out of the way so fast, it was like she's some kinda superhero or something!"

"Yeah! That was awesome!" Agreed the first boy.

Looking around in confusion, Rito saw Yami wasn't nestled under his arm anymore, but was instead standing atop a telephone pole. "Any reason you're up there, Yami?" Called Rito.

Yami immediately jumped down from her high perch, walked up to Rito and answered. "I didn't want to get wet."

"And yet you're fine with me getting wet?" Asked Rito sarcastically, holding up his dripping wet arms.

Chuckling slightly, Yami messed up her boyfriend's sopping wet hair. "Your hair looks good when it's wet." She smiled before kissing him on the cheek. "But since I don't want to get wet snuggling with you, I'll see you at school." She said before she jumped up from one telephone pole to the next.

Sighing wistfully as he watched her leap into the distance, Rito had to admit that seeing her able to live her life as a normal person, and being able to stand by her side as her boyfriend made him very happy. He could honestly say he didn't want to know where she'd be if they hadn't met, and was very glad she had chosen him. Getting his stuff together, he said. "Come on Lala, we really gotta get to school before we're late."

"Where's the monkey?" Pouted Lala, having been searching for it ever since Sallem had used that lie as a distraction. "I don't see it anywhere!"

* * *

><p><strong>At School - Classroom<strong>

"Alright everyone, we're having a pop quiz today," Announced Honekawa-sensei, much to the dismay of almost the entire class. "Would someone mind handing out the tests for me?"

"I'll do it Sensei!" Volunteered Yui enthusiastically, to the surprise of no one.

"Thank you Kotegawa-san," Said Honekawa-sensei gratefully as he handed her the stack of tests. "Hm? Kotegawa-san, are you by chance wearing gloves?" He asked as he felt her fur brush against his fingers when he handed her the papers.

"Um..." Panicked Yui quietly, at least until she remembered what she had rehearsed for situations like these. "Yes I am. The skin on my arms has developed a slight rash recently, so I've taken to wearing long gloves to keep myself from scratching." She lied with her head held high, ignoring the several quiet snickers that may as well have been broadcast over a loudspeaker with how sensitive her well hidden new feline ears were.

"Oh, well then do you need to go to the nurses office?" Asked a concerned Honekawa-sensei. "It won't do to have a model student infecting others."

"Not at all Sensei," Replied Yui, proud at being called a model student. "My doctor has assured me that I'm noncontagious." She lied smoothly as she went to hand out tests.

"Oh, well if you're certain then." Agreed Honekawa-sensei cordially.

Humming to herself with her head held high, Yui handed out the tests with a smile on her face. She didn't care that she was part cat now, as this trail run she'd just gone through had proven that her feline features could be easily hidden or excused with the right cover. Thanks to her boosted confidence from being able to deal with Sallem now, as she was handing out tests, she paused at the desks of a few students to get a few words in that she felt needed to be said for the longest time now.

"Let me just say one thing right now, Princess," She said as she narrowed her cat eyes at Lala. "This school has had to put up with your inventions and antics for long enough. If I see just one more of your little devices wreaking havoc at this school, I'm confiscating your phone. Do I make myself clear?" She demanded as she slapped a test down on her desk, not even bothering to wait for an answer.

"Alright now, Yami," She began, a bit more politely than she did with Lala, and with some genuine concern as she arrived in front of Yami. "I understand that you're new to this school, but you should know that we have a few rules here that I'll make note of as they come up. First and foremost is that public displays of affection are forbidden. Which means that I don't want to see you fraternizing with Rito during school hours. If you want more information, I suggest you read the school handbook." She finished civilly as she placed a test on her desk.

"I've already read the handbook, and I'm not going to stop spending time with Rito during the precious years of my youth." She shot back quietly, obviously having gotten that last line straight out of a particularly corny book.

"Well, well, look at how the mighty have fallen." Yui couldn't resist taunting with a Cheshire Cat grin as she reached Sallem, who just glared in strained silence as she placed the test on his desk. "Awww, who's afraid of the big bad wolf now?" At this provocation, Sallem made a loud breathing noise reminiscent of Darth Vader. "What's the matter doggy? Cat got your tongue?" Glad to see that he finally seemed to know his place in the education system, even if it was only a temporary one, Yui was about to walk off when Sallem flaunted the test she'd just given him in her face, and to her amazement, it was completely filled out. "What the-?" She wondered as she grabbed the test and looked over a few pages of it. She was amazed to see that every page was filled out neatly.

"But how did he-? In such a short-?" As she stared at him in amazement, his eyes were crinkled up in such a way that she knew he was smirking under that scuba mask of his. Her pride as a person and as a woman wanted nothing more than to wipe that smug look off his face (and perhaps slash a few claw marks and leave a few allergens onto it in its place), but her pride as an upstanding student said to accept his completed test with as much dignity as she could muster, and hand it over to her sensei without giving him the satisfaction of getting a rise out of her. In the end, her pride as a student won over, and she walked off with his completed test in hand, and her head held high.

If she had bothered to look back, she would have noticed the mischievous glint in Sallem's eye as he subtly pressed a button on his remote to signal his camera crew to catch what was coming.

When she finally reached Rito's desk, she had a few choice words in mind for him now that she had the reflexes of a cat to counter the perversion of the terrorist ghost haunting him. "Alright now, Rito. I've had all I can stand, and I can't stand anym-" She stopped short as she took two seconds to get a look at Rito, and what a sight it was. His hair was slightly wet for some reason, and it clung to his head like he'd just come out of the rain. His clothes were rumpled against his skin as if he's showed in them. His overpowering manly scent was- _'WAIT A SECOND!'_ Panicked Yui as she stiffened bolt upright, blood rushing to her face and some of it dripping out of her nose as she frantically rubbed off the saliva she just noticed had accumulated on her lower jaw while she was fawning over Rito. _'Did I seriously just think that?-! What the hell is wrong with me today?-!'_

"Yui, are you feeling alright?" Asked Rito, concern evident in his voice. It was a simple enough query, but just hearing his melodic voice made Yui absolutely swoon. If either of them had been paying any attention, they would have noticed Sallem quietly snickering to himself at his desk. *Hint. Hint*

"I-I-I-I'm just fine Rito-sama!" Panicked Yui, only realizing her slip of the tongue too late. "I mean-! What I mean to say is-! You're very-! What I want to say is-! Your mother~! Sings very strange songs~!" She finished melodically as she fell over onto Rito in a limp pile of joy. If one were to posses any sense of irony, they might find a great source of amusement and poetic justice in the exact location and way in which she fell.

Face first, on Rito's crotch.

Now, I won't gross you out with the details - at least not any more than I already have - but suffice to say, her landing was a hard one, if you catch my drift. In addition, as Rito frequently did absentmindedly, her own hands did a little bit of wandering where they shouldn't have, making things all that much worse.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" Shouted a mortified Rito as he slapped Yui away. In that instant, time seemed to freeze completely for Yui.

_'What going on here?'_ Thought Yui, her sense of time so distorted that mere seconds seemed to inch by in minutes. _'Did I just do something shameless to Rito? Did I just get slapped away? Usually this works the other way around... Wow. This is so surreal. So this is what it feels like, huh? That's what it was like to feel people in ways they shouldn't be. This is what it's like to get your just desserts for being obscene in public... I don't like it. It doesn't even feel like it's my fault really. Some sense of dizziness and panic just overcame me, and I wound up falling. Is this how it happens for Rito all the time? It must suck to have things like these happen all the time. I don't know how I could put up with it. I should probably-'_ Her thoughts came to a sudden stop, as she landed with an unceremonious thud on the floor, and her sense of time returned to normal.

As everyone in the room just stared at where the shocking sight that had just occurred, Rito and Yui in particular were the ones most out of touch with reality at the moment. If one were to ask either of them, they would say that neither of them even remotely expected something like this to happen. In fact, after this point, if you were to ask Yui, she'd quite honestly say that everything that she knew and held dear in her life was suddenly thrown into doubt. She may not be dying, not in the physical sense at least, her mindset and ideals are a different story, but she still felt as if her whole entire life had just flashed before her eyes. She recalled the innocence of her youth, to her development into a stickler for the rules, right up to the moment she first ran into Rito and her whole life changed, and during it all, one thing stood out above all else.

For over half of her life, she'd been too focused on constantly moving forward to stop and smell the roses.

_'Wow,'_ Thought a still dumbstruck Yui. _'All this time, I've been making my life boring when there was so much stuff going on around me. I've been too focused on making certain that both myself and other people set good examples, that I've barely had any time to make me happy, while everyone else around me was going about and enjoying their lives. I should have been worrying more about my own happiness sometimes. It's really funny when you think about it. Even after getting knocked down, I feel so relaxed and happy. Why is that? Is it just because I've realized how I've been going about my life wrong? Or is it something else?'_ As she thought this, her tired eyes wandered over to Rito, who was looking at her with concern and saying something she couldn't quite hear for some reason. Which was pretty odd if she would stop to think about it, since her hearing is so sharp now thanks to her cat ears.

"Yui? Yui?-! Are you alright?" His words finally got through to her.

"Am I... alright?" Parroted Yui lazily as she continued to stare at Rito, completely lost in his facial features. However, almost like a rubber band that had been pulled too far and snapped, everything that had happened in the past few minutes came rushing back to her all at once. She was up like a bolt, and stiff as a board. "I am perfectly fine. Here's your test. Sorry for the mishap." She said stiffly and almost mechanically as she handed him a test and went on to the rest of the class.

"Okay?" Blinked Rito in confusion as he glanced at his test. "If you say so?" Baffled at this turn of events, but not so much that he was too messed up to think straight like he usually was, he got to work on his test with nothing more than a final sideways glance at Yui.

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><p><strong>Rooftop - During Lunch<strong>

"Remind me again why we're all eating lunch on the roof?" Asked Rito as Lala and Yami both cuddled up beside him, and Ryouko pulled him into her lap. "I know I said that I love all of you, and that I'd make sure to spend time with each of you, but don't you think this is a bit much?"

"I read in a book that eating lunch together on the roof is what students do when they're in love." Explained Yami. "It also said that the girl is supposed to feed the boy." She added as she picked up several onigiri with her hair.

"Hold on a second, Yami!" Panicked Rito as he grabbed a few of her hair hands. "Haven't you noticed that girls usually feed their boyfriends just a little at a time?"

Glancing quickly at all the food in her hair hands, something seemed to click in her head as she placed all but one onigiri back in the bento she made for Rito, and held out the remaining one in both of her hands for Rito.

"Thank you, Yami." Rito smiled as he bit a chunk out of the onigiri. "It's really good. Did you make these yourself?"

"I did," Nodded Yami as Rito took another bite out of the onigiri. "I know it's very simple, but I'm doing my best to learn more."

"Well you're making some very good progress already." Beamed Rito as he kissed Yami on the forehead. "Mikan had better watch out, you'll give her a run for her money in no time."

"Rito! Try what I made next!" Requested Lala cheerfully as she stuffed a sandwich in his mouth.

Unfortunately for Rito, she had seasoned her cooking with Devilukian spices again, thus setting his mouth on fire. Fortunately though, Ryouko was quick to the rescue by placing something in his mouth that cooled his mouth off before he could breath fire. "Ryouko, what did you just put in my mouth?" Asked Rito suspiciously, not entirely trusting her cooking, at least based on past experiences.

"Don't worry, Rito," She reassured him, sensing his unease. "It was just some milk chocolate I brought just for this. Dairy neutralizes the burning effects of spicy foods, and since Deviluke cuisine is known for it's fiery taste, I though it would pay to have some on hand."

"Thanks Ryouko," Sighed Rito gratefully. "You really saved my mouth there." He whispered to her so that Lala wouldn't hear and get upset.

"My pleasure, darling." Smiled Ryouko before she descended upon him and captured his lips in a long, strong, upside-down, deep kiss. "Mmm, you taste so good, I could just eat you up." She teased him as she pulled his head deep into her cleavage and he tried to wriggle free. "Speaking of which, if you really wanted me to "Eat you up" I'd be more than happy to. If you catch my drift." She whispered in his ear sensually.

As Rito squirmed in the extra large mammaries of his haremette Ryouko and began to dissuade her from taking him here and now, Yui observed quietly, yet angrily from the shadows. _'What do those four think they're doing on school grounds!'_ She fumed silently. _'Never mind the fact that Mikado-sensei isn't in her office, she's outright seducing a student in broad daylight! I mean, sure Rito's got charm, and class, and he's kindhearted, and he's - WAIT A SECOND! Why am I thinking like this again?-!'_ She panicked as she took a moment to shake all of the shameless thoughts she was having out of her head.

When she looked back to the scene, Rito had managed to get Ryouko to behave, and the four of them began to fall into a bit of a routine. Yami feeds him some onigiri, Lala catches him off guard with more of her cooking, and Ryouko slips him some more milk chocolate. During the whole thing, all of them also occupied their time just talking of things in their lives, eating some food themselves, and overall just enjoying the company they provided one another. _'What's going on here?'_ Thought Yui. _'I would have thought that something perverted was going on up here, but they're just talking with each other. They don't even look like a harem, really. They just look like a group of people who are really close to each other, that just happens to be gathered around an incredibly attractive guy. Why do I keep having these thoughts?-!'_ She worried in frustration. As if it wasn't bad enough that Rito and his harem were closer to each other than is allowed on school grounds, she didn't trust herself to go in and break it up without getting involved herself. After all, she'd been having several shameless thoughts herself today for whatever reason.

_'What is wrong with me today?'_ Yui scolded herself mentally. _'Is my cat DNA messing me up this much? It must be! I would never have thoughts like these normally! I've got to get back in control of my mind before I do something I regret. Just repeat to yourself, Yui. I am the master of my own mind. I am the master of my own mind.'_ As she strictly recited this mantra to herself over and over, she continued to observe Rito and his harem for anything that would seriously violate school rules. With her mind as it was, she couldn't risk stepping in unless it really demanded her attention.

During her observations, things kept continuing as they had since she started spying. Eat, drink, and be merry was an apt way of putting their interactions. However, after a minute or two more of observation, some subtle changes began. Rito nestled herself further into Ryouko's cleavage, and he pulled Yami and Lala's closer to him as his hands wandered up and down their backs.

"Rito," Began Yami as she noticed her boyfriend's unusual behavior. "Don't you think this is a little close?"

"Maybe not close enough." Whispered Rito seductively as he gently pulled Yami's head into the crook of his neck, brushing her blushing head all the while. "I mean, is it really so wrong to hold someone you love close and not want to let go?"

"Well, no, but..." Hesitated Yami, though she found it hard to resist the gentle embrace and kind nature of her beloved.

"Then just relax and enjoy our time together." Reassured Rito as he gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "It's perfectly alright, Yami. You're in the company of people who love and care about you. You don't have to be alone anymore, remember?" He reminded her as he pressed his head into Ryouko's boobs and gave a small lick.

Ryouko gasped as she felt Rito's tongue against her sensitive breasts. "You certainly seem frisky today, Rito darling." She observed, surprised that he'd go so far as to taste her, even with the aphrodisiac she'd slipped into the chocolate she'd given him. (Ah, that would explain it)

"I feel better than ever actually." He responded as he pressed his face against Yami's head and inhaled her scent deeply. "I mean just look at things. I'm surrounded by women I love who love me back, I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me, and Sallem, while he is a jerk, is still setting me up with more and more women. Not to say I'm dissatisfied with you three, but I like the thought of a big family."

Normally, Yami would hit him for a remark like that, but she was so comfortable and calm nestled up to Rito, so she settled for just a firm jab to his ribs. It stung quite a bit for Rito, but he got over it quickly.

"Rito? Are you feeling alright?" Wondered Lala as she placed a hand to his forehead, baffled by his strange behavior. "You seem different today."

"Maybe I'm just trying to be romantic?" He joked as he nestled Lala head under his chin next to Yami, who Lala could see was also getting confused by Rito's behavior. "We're all one big family here, man and future brides." Lala, Yami, and Ryouko all felt themselves flush at that remark. "Speaking of which, when the time comes ,how many kids do you think we should have?"

At this moment, even though they were all slightly unsettled by Rito's uncharacteristic behavior, each girl of Rito's harem found themselves fantasizing about what their kids with Rito would look like.

* * *

><p><strong>Lala's Fantasy<strong>

"Look mama!" Cried a boy with short pink hair and a devil-like tail enthusiastically as he held out a small comic he'd drawn. "I'm making manga! Do you think that I'll be as good at it as grandpa someday?"

* * *

><p><strong>Yami's Fantasy<strong>

"Darn it!" Scowled a girl with long orange hair in frustration. "Momma, what do I need to do to stay transformed?" She asked with respect, admiration, and hope in her eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>Ryouko's Fantasy<strong>

"Alright then," Hummed a young man in his late teen with pointed ears, a small goatee, and long red hair drawn up in a ponytail as he stirred a concoction. "I just need one more thing before I can slip this to my girlfriend and finally get somewhere." He chuckled.

* * *

><p><em>'How wonderful that would be...'<em> Each girl found themselves thinking absentmindedly. At least until a loud noise interrupted their thoughts.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Exploded Yui as she pounced out from behind the wall she'd been hiding behind. "SCREW RESTRAINT! I've got to put a stop to this shameless nonsense right now!" Upon Rito and his harem in an instant, she yanked Rito away from the three girls and glared at them angrily. "I'm deeply ashamed of all three of you! To do something as shameless as throwing your common decency aside all at once! I have never seen such an offense to self-respect in my entire life!"

In spite of their shared feelings for Rito, and their acceptance of being part of a harem, Lala, Yami, and Ryouko all had to admit that she had a point. They had, admittedly, tried to take things a bit too fast. As the three of them shuffled in awkward silence and embarrassment, Yui turned her attention to Rito.

"And as for you-!" Yui began to scold Rito, but she stopped short as her tongue suddenly stuck to the roof of her mouth. She didn't know what it was that was driving her crazy whenever she was near Rito, but being this close to him caused her to freeze up for some reason.

"Yes? What about me?" Asked Rito slyly as he intertwined his fingers with hers. "Did you have something to say to me?"

"I-I-I..." Stuttered Yui as Rito got dangerously close to her face. "I, you, what I mean is... You smell so nice." She said in a relaxed tone as Rito literally swept her off her feet into his arms.

"Is that all you have to say to me? Or are you going to scold me some more?" Rito asked playfully.

"Scold you...?" Wondered Yui as she tried to remember what she came here for in the first place. "Scold? Scold!" She suddenly regained some of her senses and tried to fight off whatever was lulling her mind into submission. "Wait a second. This isn't right. I'm not supposed to be like this. I'm not."

"Who says what you are and aren't supposed to be like?" Whispered Rito seductively. "You're just as alive and feeling as anyone else. It's only natural that you would have some stirrings of affection at some point. I know you feel something deep for me, and it's just so wrong of you to fight it, so go ahead and tell me exactly how you feel."

"How I feel...?" Murmured Yui softly as her thoughts trailed off to the Rito she knows so well. He's always groping women, but is it his fault? She didn't know. He's kind and considerate, enough to attract a whole harem, but did she like him? She didn't know. He's friendly and nurturing, always finding time for others, but did he find time for her? _'I think he does.'_ Thought Yui as she brushed Rito's face. Almost unconsciously, she asked. "What if what I felt, was for you?"

"If what you feel is for me, then... I... er...?" Trailed off Rito as the effect of the aphrodisiac wore off and he returned to his senses. Looking down, he saw Yui looking practically stoned while cradled in his arms, his earlier words completely forgotten as he visibly panicked. "Yui?"

"Yes, Rito darling?" She asked as she nuzzled up against his face, tail wagging and ears twitching.

"What are you doing?" He asked nervously as his eyes wandered anywhere but Yui. As he looked around, he noticed Lala, Yami, and Ryouko playing cards. _'Why aren't they helping me out here?'_

"Don't play coy, handsome." She smirked seductively as she trailed her fingers up and down his torso. "It really doesn't become someone like you. Now why don't you and I have some fun together. Maybe make some kitties like you and I talked about earlier?" She requested as imaged of a litter of orange and black haired cat children came to her mind and she pounced on Rito, knocking them both to the ground. "Now let's see if you can make this kitty purr." She smirked as she started unbuttoning his shirt, nuzzling up to him all the way.

"Wait a second, Yui!" Panicked Rito as he tried to back away on his hands, but Yui held strong. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but this isn't like you at all! Something strange has obviously happened to you and-OH GOD!" He panicked as Yui nibbled on his neck.

"Oh, Rito! you're so... so..." She trailed off as she spat something funny tasting out of her mouth. As she did, she regained some of her senses and smelled something funny on Rito. Still somewhat zoned out and not herself, she continued sniffing about Rito's body until she came to a startling conclusion. "Rito. Are you... covered in catnip?" She asked, her voice and posture getting steadily more angry as she started regaining her wits about her.

"Catnip?" Repeated Rito as he brushed his hair in confusion and felt a few flakes come off in his hand. Bringing his hand to his face, he saw some kind of pollen had been stuck to his hair. "Uh-oh." He gulped as he saw Yui glaring at him furiously, her cat eyes making her look more intimidating.

* * *

><p><strong>Classroom - With Sallem<strong>

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho." Sallem laughed as he watched a live feed on a pair of sunglasses he was wearing of Yui chasing Rito about the roof with her claws extended, trying to slice him up, while the others present on the roof didn't bother to try stopping it, since Lala misinterpreted what was going on, Ryouko thought that it would be a good learning experience for the both of them, and Yami was letting this be his punishment for Rito acting too forward too quickly with her. _'I've gotta admit, paying those kids to throw a water balloon filled with catnip at Rito and convincing Ryouko to drug the chocolate she gave him was pure genius. After all, just because I can't let my presence be known to Yui anymore, doesn't mean that I should just give up outright on setting her and Rito up. After all, I've had to work secretly before. Just because I don't like working like that, doesn't mean that I can't.'_

* * *

><p>There you all go! Another chapter down! I've gotta say, I'm getting these things done a hell of a lot faster than I used to. With the rate I'm going at, and my plans to cut back on how many chapters I put into these things, I should be able to get volumes 4 and 5 done by the end of the year, or at least partially finish volume 5 by then. Of course, I still have my poll up, so anyone who hasn't should go to it and vote on what they want next. Also, I like reviews. They are the fuel that keeps my creative engine going.<p> 


	5. Nazi Jesus

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Party people! Is everybody glad to see me again? If you are, please show it by reading all, or at least most of my work, and reviewing to the chapters you want to talk about. Trust me, it would be a big help to me. Not just because it would give me some feedback on how to improve my stories in the future - even if I've already finished the story you're reviewing to - but also because more people tend to read stuff if it has a lot of reviews, which in turn will lead to even more reviews. Don't worry, I won't hold the next chapter hostage if I don't get reviews, I'm just saying that a few words here and there would help me improve, and give you even better stories. Ergo, think of every review you give to any of my works as an cheap investment for a big payoff. Anyway, without further adieu, let's start the chapter!

"One more thing!" I'm taking a fair bit of inspiration from a recent chapter of the manga - I'm not ripping it off if that's what's you're thinking - so if this chapter seems familiar, then that's why.

* * *

><p><strong>After School - Friday - Weather Cloudy<br>**

"Time for some fun~" Chuckled Sallem as he pressed a button on his remote, making a huge sack appear in front of him.

"What are you up to this time?" Asked Rito sternly as Sallem heaved the huge bag over his shoulder.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho! Don't worry, Rito," Reassured Sallem jovially. "It's not going to involve you this time. I promise."

"What about Yui?" Rito asked suspiciously.

"No." Denied Sallem flatly.

"Lala?"

"No."

"Haruna?"

"No."

"Ryouko?"

"No."

"Yami?"

"No."

"Anybody I know?" Rito asked finally.

"Again. No." Finalized Sallem. "I'm just going out into the woods to play a game with some guys I met online. There, are you satisfied?"

"Almost," Replied Rito. "I had a little talk with Run and Ren the other day, and they told me where you sent them during the exchange program."

"Oh yeah, I remember that." Said Sallem as he rubbed his chin in contemplation, not really caring either way. "How did they make out when they were there anyway? I hear they finally split into two people."

"That they did," Nodded Rito. "But they also mentioned that the address they got was for a brothel - not a school - and that they had to work and sleep at a cafe just to stay warm and feed."

"Happy times for all." Smiled Sallem behind his scuba gear. "Your point being?"

"Why do you hate them so much?" Asked Rito accusingly.

"It seems as though there's been a bit of a misconception right here," Began Sallem. "I have absolutely nothing against Ren and Run on a personal level. In fact, I greatly sympathize with all the shit both of them have had to go through their whole lives. I mean, seriously, between Lala's inventions and antics, my pranks, and having to share a body with someone of the opposite gender, I'm surprised that they didn't kill themselves long ago."

"Then why are you constantly making things worse for them?" Shot Rito angrily. "As it is, Run was crying so much the last time I saw her that I agreed to take her out on a date then and there to cheer her up. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but still. Also, I mentioned what you said about their family falling out of power on their home planet, and they denied it, saying that you would always spread horrible rumors of them when they were kids."

"I see you disregarded my advice to stay away from them." Noticed Sallem as he pulled a large diamond out of his pocket and started examining it for some reason. "Not to mention you now know what a rumor mill I am as well, which means there goes my plan to make up details about an orgy between you and your entire harem and spread them around the school. Since you'd obviously tell Yui about my habits at some point, and she'd make certain to aggravate my allergies for it."

Rito shuddered at the idea of such a rumor spreading around school, and how it could impact his life. Suddenly, he was very glad he'd decided to confront him on this.

"Oh well, it's really of no concern to me anymore, since I don't have any reason to harass them any further." Sallem shrugged as he turned the diamond in his hands around.

"You mean that you're gonna leave them alone?" Blinked Rito in confusion. "Then why did you bother them in the first place? And what's with the diamond?"

"Blind racism." Deadpanned Sallem, much to Rito's shock. "I can't stand people who are either both genders, can switch between genders, have no gender, or try to be a gender they're not. It's horribly racist of me, I know, but I'm just a jackass like that. Now that they've split into two separate people, each one their own gender full time, I have no reason to hate them blindly anymore. You can go ahead and date Run if you want to, I don't care anymore. As for the diamond..." He said dramatically as he held the gem close to Rito's face, shining its bright reflection into his eye. "It's just a diamond. I pretended to be interested in it so I'd look disinterested in our conversation." He deadpanned, causing Rito to sigh in exasperation.

"Are you on drugs again?" Asked Rito tiredly.

"No." Denied Sallem honestly as he pulled out an odd looking, lightning bolt shaped banana and ate it, causing his eyes to widen and his expression to turn vacant. "Now I am." He amended.

Staring at Sallem in exasperation, Rito slowly relented and just shook his head. "I really don't care what you do anymore, although I am curious about what you have in that bag."

"Dynamite and cadavers." Answered Sallem bluntly as he pulled out his remote. "I'm gonna go burn down about a dozen places of worship and paint a bunch of offensive symbols in their place now." He said before teleporting away.

Eye twitching as he looked at the spot where Sallem had been just moments ago, Rito said, "I don't care anymore. He can do whatever he wants just so long as it doesn't involve me or my friends in it. Anyway, I've gotta go pick up some stuff for my dad right now. I really don't have time to worry about him at this point." His objective for the time being in place, he set off on his usual course for writing supplies.

* * *

><p><strong>With Yui<strong>

_'Another day, another valuable learning experience at school.'_ Smiled Yui happily as she walked down the sidewalk, paying little mind to where she was going, and just enjoying the peace a serenity of it all. The reason she was happy was because Sallem hadn't caused any trouble since she became part cat. While she was still justifiably upset about the whole thing, she'd quickly learned how to hide her new feline features, and was now living life just as well, if not better than she had before. While most people would bemoan and whine about the whole 'no longer human' thing, she'd been around aliens for long enough that she'd subconsciously developed a low-level immunity to weird things. Something like this wouldn't freak her out.

_'And besides,'_ Thought Yui happily, _'I love cats.'_ Just then, a thought occurred to her. "Since things are going so well lately, I think I'll enjoy myself and go look at cats at the pet shop today." Her mind made up, she set a course for her favorite pet shop.

As she made her way there, it wasn't long before she came across a shrine that stirred up some sense of nostalgia for her. "Wait a second... There's something familiar about this place." She hummed to herself as she struggled to recall what was so important about this location.

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback<strong>

_It was a simple day, just like any other. A young Yui - still in grade school - was going out for a stroll to the pet shop to look at the kitties she loved so much, when she passed a shrine and saw that a small cat was stuck in a tree. Being the cat lover she was even back then, she instinctively went to help it..._

* * *

><p><strong>Back in the Present<strong>

_'And then what happened?'_ Thought Yui as she strained to remember the rest of what had happened back then, but her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

"Yui? What are you doing here?" Asked Rito curiously.

"Rito?-!" Recoiled Yui in shock, before glaring at him suspiciously. "What are **you** doing here? It seems a bit odd that we'd be walking in the same area at the same time, don't you think? You're not stalking me or something, are you?"

"I'm not!" Denied Rito bluntly. _'Why is it that she always automatically assumes the worst of me?'_ He thought. "I'm just on my way to pick up some materials my dad needs for work."

"Oh," Yui calmed down quickly, her suspicion vanishing. "He needs you to get him some supplies? Is Sallem involved in this at all?" She couldn't help but feel the need to ask. In spite of his allergies to her, she still didn't trust Sallem to control his maniacal urges. After all, she'd been on the receiving end of those urges one too many times (that she knew of, at least).

"Not a chance." Scoffed Rito. "Last I saw he took some drugs and went off to burn some churches."

"Drugs?-! Burning churches?-!" Exploded Yui, thankful that this wasn't a heavily trafficked area. "I knew he was a menace to the school, but now he's committing arson, doing drugs, and acting out against religion?-! If word about this gets out, our school will forever be known as the place where one of the biggest psychopaths the world's ever seen attended! I've got to find him and stop him!" But before she could begin her search, Rito restrained her by her shoulders.

"Just calm down for a second, Yui." Requested Rito as he struggled to hold her back. "I know that you're upset about this, I am too. But just think for a second. Even if you knew where to look, which I don't think you do, he has a teleporter, remember? He'll be out of there before you get anywhere near where he is."

Considering what Rito was saying as she struggled to get out of his grip, Yui had to admit that, even though she would love nothing more than to send Sallem into a massive sneezing fit right now, Rito did have a good point. Not only did she not have a clue where Sallem would be right now, but even if she knew where all the local places of worship were, she had no way of knowing which, if any of them, he'd be at. After all, with his teleporter remote, he could be burning churches halfway around the world for all she knew. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she turned to Rito.

"Alright, you win." Relented Yui begrudgingly. "I suppose I'll just have to deal with his misconduct later."

"Good," Nodded Rito. "I'd really hate to see you get hurt. Even if he is allergic to you, it would still be pretty hard to deal with Sallem. I know that pretty well myself." He tagged on awkwardly.

"Yeah," Hummed Yui thoughtfully, her cat eyes narrowed in contemplation. "Speaking of which, he's the one who set you up with your... _harem_ in the first place isn't he?" She scornfully emphasized the word 'harem'. "Exactly what kind of degenerates are you two?"

"It's not like that, I swear!" Insisted Rito. "I don't know what he's getting out of all of this, aside from some kicks, but I swear nothing about my harem was my intention!" Taking a seat on a nearby bench, he sighed. "You don't know what it's like having the guy hound you all the time. You deal with him on an occasional basis, but I have to deal with him all the time because he rarely leaves me alone. You can never tell exactly when he's working some kind of angle, and even if you know something's up, everything he does comes completely out of left field." Scratching his head tiredly as he reclined on the bench, he stared up at the clouds before continuing. "I love my harem, yes, but it's not like I really had much choice in who I fell in love with. Even though I'm happy with the way things are, Sallem's the one who pushed this all through against my will. And let me tell you, he's so good at what he does, he's probably doing something to set the two of us up even now."

Seething with rage as her claws popped out and the fur on her arms stood on end, Yui swore to herself that the next time she saw Sallem, she'd slash the tubes on his scuba gear to ribbons and shed some of her arm fur right in his face. Since Sallem wasn't here at the moment, however, she directed her anger at the nearest person available. "Rito," She began sternly, causing Rito to gulp in fear of her claws. "Exactly what kind of person could be so hopelessly heartless as you?" She huffed as she turned her head away in disdain.

Rito, confused at the sudden change of pace, tilted his head in contemplation. "Heartless? I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." He remarked.

"Oh don't play dumb," She scoffed, glancing at Rito out of the corner of her eye. "If you hate what Sallem's doing as much as you say you do, then why is it that you let him push you around into girl after girl? If you ask me, that sounds very hypocritical."

"Really?" Asked Rito curiously. "Because I'm partially inclined to agree with you."

"Only partially?" Questioned Yui as she zeroed in on Rito. "Why not completely? If you're going to be insensitive to women, then at least be completely up front about it and admit it like a man." Shaking her head in contempt, she murmured to herself. "Honestly, why is it all men are like this?"

"Who ever said I was being insensitive to women?" Said Rito calmly. "I really don't think I am. I just see myself as a man who loves too much, and who's loved too much in return."

"Loves too much is right," Scolded Yui as she paced in front of Rito like a lecturing teacher. "I don't know what planet you think you're on with all these aliens surrounding us, but here on Earth, stuff like that is called adultery. Not only is it a crime, but it's insensitive to the feelings of others, and it has no place in modern society. What you're doing is a serious taboo!"

"I know," Nodded Rito lazily. "But can I just say one thing?"

"What?"

"I'm beginning to think..." Rito hesitated momentarily. "I might not care what other people - or even myself - have to say about my relations with multiple women." All of a sudden, Yui stopped pacing and just stared ahead.

_'Boys,'_ Yui thought scornfully. _'They're all the same. They're lazy, unhelpful, rude, and perverted. They're all the same, no exceptions__!'_ She thought hatefully. _'But then why? I already knew this, so why does it feel so empty to have it confirmed? Shouldn't I be happy that I've finally managed to prove beyond anyone's doubt that I was right about a glaring fault and have made the first major step towards correcting it? Correcting it in a way that nobody can ruin? So then why? Why does it feel like there's a hole burning through me?'_

Staring at Rito - who was looking at her with a patient and slightly bored expression - out of the corner of her eye for several seconds, before a thought worked its way into her head. _'Is it because it's him? Was I actually hoping that there might be something decent about just this one boy? I'll admit, thoughts have crossed my mind about this. That something might happen. That he would get his act together and become a model citizen. I know he of all people could pull it off, so why did he degrade himself like this? Why?'_

"Why?" Yui uttered quietly, looking at Rito in disappointment.

"I'm not entirely certain myself," Answered Rito, unaware of the turmoil that had been going on in Yui's head until now. "Maybe I'm just sick of looking at the world like it's so complicated? I mean, I know there will always be things out there that I don't understand, ways of life I don't know, things I could have done differently, but I'm just living life my way. And my way of life is always being devoted to the people I care about." Rito scratched his head in thought before continuing. "I can't always conform to all the rules in the universe, or even just Earth, so I've decided to just follow all the ones I can, and avoid the ones that hurt people important to me. Isn't that kinda what you do, Yui?" He asked.

"What are you talking about?" Asked Yui, angry at the accusation that she might be no better than a womanizer. "I've dedicated my life to making certain that morals are upheld, and rules are followed. In what way am I ever breaking rules?"

"Well..." Began Rito as he closed his eyes thoughtfully and scratched his cheek. "There have been times where your actions could technically be classified as assault. Not to mention that you sometimes go over the top and try to force your ideals on others." He remarked bluntly. "While the later isn't really against any rules that I know of, it's just poor manners to act like that."

Yui was sorely tempted to scratch his face raw for that remark, but that would only further support his point. So instead, she opted to continue this battle of wits. "And who are you in any place to be lecturing anyone, least of all me about morals, when you're just a pervert who-"

"I keep telling you those are all accidents." Insisted Rito. "That would be like me saying that time with the catnip was all your fault."

"That was not my fault!" Insisted Yui as she stomped her foot in protest. "That was due to freakish circumstances, beyond my control and-!" She stopped suddenly as she took in the slightly amused expression on Rito's face, realizing that she'd fallen into his trap. Blushing like the schoolgirl she was, Yui huffed and held her head high indignantly. "W-Well, neither of us really have any proof that those were all accidents, whereas I was able to confirm it was the catnip making me act that way." She insisted stubbornly.

"Freakish circumstances, eh?" Mused Rito thoughtfully. "I suppose there's been a major strain of freakish circumstances ever since Lala first came to Earth. Not to mention that it seems to have boosted into overdrive ever since Sallem arrived."

"Exactly!" Agreed Yui heatedly, obviously caught up in the moment. "Ever since aliens started getting involved in my life, my best efforts at my own goals have been thwarted at every turn! As for Sallem, I couldn't agree more. Where does he get off, really? He has no regard for the education system, the safety and well being of others, or even the slightest care for basic sanity! I'm amazed that he hasn't been arrested by somebody yet!" Her emotions having been run higher and higher during this entire conversation, she didn't even notice the slightly amused look on Rito's face until a few seconds after she'd finished her tirade. "What's with that grin?" She asked stone-faced, her earlier over-enthusiasm forgotten.

"Well," Began Rito awkwardly. "It's just that, the way you said that, makes me think that we, or at least our circumstances, are a lot alike."

"What are you talking about now?" Growled Yui, angry that Rito was once again comparing himself to her.

"Think about it for a second." Started Rito. "My life's been hectic and riddled with awkward situations ever since Lala and all these other bizarre people arrived, yours has too. Things never seem to go the way I want or expect them to, same with you. I keep finding myself wishing that my life had been so much simpler, but I'm having trouble imagining my life being good any other way than it is now, warts and all, well... you get the picture."

Yui stared at Rito silently for a moment, then huffed stubbornly. "That's completely irrelevant!" She insisted. "Granted, life has been getting hectic, things don't seem to go my way lately, and of course I wish my life was simpler. In fact, I don't think it's really fair to ask me to put up with all this nonsense. However, there is one point we differ greatly on here!"

"And that would be?" Asked Rito, who had no idea what issue hadn't been addressed.

"You seem to have given up on having your old, normal life back," She pointed out. "Whereas I still have hopes for my old life back, and the drive to make it happen!"

At that moment, Rito's eyebrows shot up in epiphany before he hung his head depression. "I see." He remarked as he stood up. "Well, I think that I understand now."

"You understand?" Repeated Yui, her voice upturning with veiled hope. "You mean you're going to turn your life around?" She asked uncertainly.

"Actually, what I'm saying is that I understand what Sallem is aiming for this time." Corrected Rito uncomfortably.

"Isn't that much pretty obvious?" Yui frowned, referring to his earlier blatant attempts to set her up with Rito, clearly unaware that he hadn't given up yet.

"Yes and no," Mused Rito. "I mean, I know he wants to set me up with you now, but it's the way he's going about it that I figured out."

"You know how he's planning to do it?" Said Yui breathlessly before rushing Rito and grabbing him roughly by his shirt collar. "Tell me!" She demanded, only realizing and getting embarrassed by their close proximity after her chest was already pressed up against his. "I-Ignore that!" She said as she quickly backed away.

Straightening his shirt, Rito began. "Well, every time Sallem sets me up with someone, it seems like he targets one aspect of a person and uses me to attack it until it breaks."

"Go on..." Gestured Yui.

"With Ryouko, she told me that Sallem had come up with everything for our dates," Rito paused, waiting in fear of painful scratches that never came. "So I'm pretty sure that what she had trouble with was serious relationships. With Yami, it's pretty obvious that the goal was to make her drop the idea of killing me, after that things just fell into place. And with you..." He trailed off for a second, carefully considering how to word this part of the explanation. "I'm pretty sure that he's targeting your desire for your old life back."

"I see." Seethed Yui as she struggled not to slash away at the nearest thing available. Realizing she was fighting a losing battle, she turned away from Rito. "Alright then, I think it'd be best if we both left now." She said as her tail twitched irritably.

"Right," Agreed Rito nervously as he walked hurriedly back on track to get the supplies his dad requested. "I'll just see you around then."

As he was walking away though, Yui saw what he looked like from behind, triggering some long forgotten memories to surface once more.

* * *

><p><strong>Back to the Flashback<strong>

_Sad to see the kitty stuck in a tree, Yui tried to climb up and save it herself, but try as she might, she couldn't manage it and fell down. Still hurting from her attempt, she tried to recruit help from some boys from her class playing in the area, only to be rudely shot down. Angry at the callousness of her male peers, she was about to direct that anger towards getting her second wind to save that kitty when someone else managed to save it. She didn't know who he was, only that he had spiky orange hair, was with his sister, and had a kind expression. Seeing such a boy reminded her that there were at least a few good boys out there._

_It was a small encounter with little impact at the time, but years later, it would come to have a profound effect on Yui's mind._

* * *

><p><strong>Back in the Present<strong>

"Rito," Yui called out, neither in protest nor pleading.

"What is it?" Rito asked calmly as he turned to face her.

Thinking for a second on how she could ask without exposing too much, she began. "Do you come this way often?"

Tilting his head slightly at the odd question, Rito answered without hesitation. "Yeah, I always come this way whenever my dad needs materials for his manga. I used to do this with Mikan up until a few years ago, but since she started getting too busy with schoolwork and housekeeping, she hasn't really had the time to come with me."

"I see," Responded Yui as the pieces began to fall into place.

"Why do you ask?" He questioned.

Her face reddening as she strained to keep an impartial expression while looking at Rito, Yui kept her response as short as possible. "No reason." She lied before walking off stiffly.

As she walked off, Rito had one clear thought on his mind. _'Whatever game it is you're playing, Sallem, you're better at it than I am.'_ He thought as he went his own way.

As Yui walked off, she also had one clear thought on her mind. _'To think that my first love could be... No! I refuse to accept it!'_ She denied as she shook her head frantically.

Before either of them could get very far however, for no reason at all, a brilliant fireworks display started to go off in the sky, drawing the attention of them both. Since it was such a dark and cloudy day, the sparkling fires of the explosions shown heavily against the black skies. As they looked down from the booming display, their eyes locked for a moment, both of them awestruck by the sheer stroke of chance that this had occurred just as they were about to part ways. The absurdity of the situation caused them both to burst out laughing, clutching their stomachs to ease their sore sides and eventually stumbling up to each other and propping themselves against each other for support.

As they both observed the fireworks and laughed at the amazing irony of the situation only they could understand, they shared a unified thought.

_'Maybe Sallem actually has a point with this.'_ They pondered as they smiled at each other fondly, only turning away in embarrassment once their though processes caught up to the present. Though they still kept their partner for the moment on their feet.

* * *

><p><strong>With Sallem<strong>

"Pull!" Shouted Sallem as a bloody, sparkly chunk of something was sent flying through the air, only to be shot into an explosion by a rifle toting redneck.

"Whooo-Wheeee! I got one!" Cried out a skinny yokel in overalls as he swung his hat about, about a dozen of his southern brethren cheering him on.

"Pull!" Shouted Sallem as another bloody, sparkly chunk of something was sent flying, this time he shot it down in a huge blaze of glory, receiving him many congratulatory slaps on the back from the rednecks. "Thank you all! Thank you!" He said, basking in the glory of the moment, before suddenly adopting a serious expression and placing his hat across his chest. "You know everyone, it's times like these where you really have to sit back and thank all the people responsible for giving you such a great moment in your life." At his words, all the country boys removed their hats in a somber tone as well.

"Lord... How ya'll doing up there?" Asked Sallem in a heavy hick accent as he saluted to the sky. "I'd just like ta take this here moment ta thank ya kindly for that which you have brunged me here today. For without yer mighty guidance and kindness, I and my fellow man here would never 'ave 'ad this opportunity ta take the sparkly, gay, fagot vampires of the Cullen family, the equally gay, and also communistic werewolves of the Black family, the Mary Sue that is Bella, and the spawn of Satan hisself that is Stephenie Meyer, skin them sums'a'bitches alive, hack dem up in'ta pieces, load dem wit fireworks courtesy of a good man who owns me a favor fer replacing his broken up legs lost in a car crash wit rocket launchers, and shoot dem all outta the sky like pigeons. For yer mighty guidance and wisdom, I salute you Lord! Amen!"

"Amen!" Cheered the rednecks loudly in approval as they started launching body parts and shooting them out of the sky like crazy, creating a massive swarm of fireworks as Sallem looked on approvingly.

"Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" Laughed Sallem as he enjoyed the fireworks display, as well as a monitor showing a live broadcast of Rito and Yui standing cheek-to-cheek in front of the shrine. "Well, well, looks like somebody finally found a way to make Twilight romantic, aside from hijacking shipments of them from the docks and having a huge book burning fest. Someone should really do that, I'll put it on my to-do list." He took a moment to jot that down on a notepad. "There we go, right next to painting the White House with Swastikas and the initials K.K.K. and presenting undeniable evidence to the world that Jesus Christ was the world's first Nazi." Smirking at the camera, he added. "Yeah, I am that racially insensitive. I mean, what reason do I have not to be? In the first place, I'm not even from this planet, so its history doesn't bother me in the slightest, and even if I were from this planet, I have absolutely no religious ideas whatsoever. After all, I really don't see the point in listening to and preaching the ideals of others when I have my own perfectly good ones to live by. But I digress." He shrugged as he grabbed the edge of the scenery like a page in a book. "At any rate, I think I'll end things off right by quoting my favorite youtube artist. Here we go!" He said as he pulled the scenery and arrived on a page with nothing more than words on a white background.

* * *

><p><strong>"YOU GOT A CRYSTAL STAR!... AND YOU LEARNED THE SPECIAL MOVE [name of new special move]! END OF CHEE-APTER!"<strong>


	6. Author's Note

**ATTENTION ALL READERS!**

**THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!**

As many of you are probably aware, I recently posted a new chapter in my "A Brief Cut from the Action" format. I did not however, do a good job of it. As some of you were kind enough to point out, it had almost nothing to do with To Love-Ru, and focused too much on something ill-fitting for this category. Therefor, I extend to you all my most sincere apologies, and a solemn vow.

First and foremost, I will work tirelessly to rewrite that chapter, and will not post it until at least the bulk of it focuses on To Love-Ru. Second henceforth, I shall do no more "A Brief Cut from the Action" segments, as they just aren't working for me anymore. Third, in order to make up for this disgrace, I will ensure that this volume is completed within 30 days. And fourth, from this point onwards, I will focus only on the quality of the story, and not the length.

Also, for those of you who made your statements on the old Chapter 6 known in reviews, I'll be leaving this announcement here, so that you can comment on the revised version in chapter 7 when it comes out if you so desire.

The old version of that chapter is my deepest shame since I began on this site, but I will not let it discourage me! Instead, I will see my failure as a learning experience, and work to ensure that such a travesty does not occur again! I came to this site a few short years ago to gain focus and drive as a writer, and if nothing else, my recent failure will serve to strengthen that ambition.

I thank you all kindly for your time and patience. Please check back later, as I will likely have a remake of the old chapter up by tomorrow.


	7. Seth MacFarlane Take 2

Hello again everyone! Welcome back to more of my work that you love so much! Well maybe not so much since I screwed up so badly with this chapter the last time, but I've cut out the 3,000 or so words people were complaining about, threw in about 2,000 more words of material for To Love-Ru characters, and even put in some potential spoilers to make up for my flop last time. I hope this **Re-Write **will help clear the air between us all.

Anyway, let's get down to a few points that I need to mention before we get started. Point 1) This story will have only two more chapters. I know it seems a lot shorter than my usual fare, but I feel that as time goes on and more people are added to Rito's harem that he's going to get less reluctant to the idea. Also, I've been working in some involvement from other characters during each volume, so that when they get added to the harem it won't seem too out of left field. Point 2) After this Volume, there will be 3 more volumes, each about 4 or 5 chapters in length, an omake around 3-5 chapters long, and an epilogue around 11-13 chapters long. Just thought I'd give you a heads up there.

And now, without further adieu, I give you the **Re-Write** of CHEE-APTER 7!

* * *

><p><strong>A Brief Cut from the Action<strong>

We fade away to a dimly lit room with many monitors, buttons, and various kitchen appliances. On two seats in front of the monitors are a man we all love to hate (or hate to love, depending on your point of view). Sallem Cortez. Sitting next to him was an overweight man with close cropped brown hair, wearing a simple white shirt with green pants. Overall, he looked like a typical white collar worker.

As they were observing the monitors, Sallem, with his canine hearing, heard us approaching. "Oh," He says as he takes notice of us. "You're early. We weren't expecting you for another few chapters to be honest." He said as he scratches the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, since you're here anyway, allow us to introduce ourselves. You already know me as Sallem Cortez, otherwise known as the man who likes to mess with love lives and be a big pest to anyone who pisses me off." He chuckled under his breath. "For those of you who're wondering who my friend is, I think it would be best if he introduce himself in the way most suited to the average funny middle class American man, as is his nature. Wouldn't you agree?" He asked as he turned to his friend.

"Well I'm not entirely sure if I would define myself as average," Said the man as he turned around, revealing that he wore glasses and possessed a rather oddly shaped chin. "I mean I can kinda get why you would think that based on my weight, which is admittedly the direction America's been headed these past several years. And then of course there's my clothes, and my glasses, which is pretty much the image of any modern day working man. And of course, who can forget my problems with alcohol. But, uhh... I kinda forgot where I was going with this." Admitted the fat man as he rubbed his chin in contemplation before snapping his fingers in epiphany. "That's it! I remember now! Compared to the average modern working-class man, I'm much more funny and classically stupid, but with a more adult sense of comedy that I'm not afraid to share with people of all ages."

"Well said, Peter. Well said." Nodded Sallem.

"Yeah, well I'm just really glad that I had this chance to be in one of your fics, Sallem." Said Peter Griffin graciously before his expression turned slightly awkward. "So, uhh... Not to be rude or anything, but uh... I don't really have a script for this or anything. I assumed that you would be providing one."

"Sorry, I really don't do that anymore." Apologized Sallem. "I mean, after the incidents with Deadpool and Kumagawa, I really didn't think that scripts of any kind would be necessary anymore, since they always ignored theirs."

"Well this is a bomb if I ever saw one," Bemoaned Peter. "God, this is even more awkward than that time I invited Bruce Banner to an MMA fight right before the results of the 2008 Presidential Elections were announced." As soon as he said this, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a few quick puffs before noticing that the camera was still on. "Excuse me, Sallem," He began. "What happened to the cutaway gag we had lined up for that?"

"Got rid of it." Replied Sallem as he typed thoughtfully at a typewriter.

"You got rid of it? What the hell, man?-!" Outburst Peter angrily. "That was gonna be one of our best, most racially offensive ideas yet! And really, a typewriter? I'd have figured that with your alien technology you'd have some kind of holographic computer or something like that."

"Oh, I have a few of those laying about." Reassured Sallem. "It's just that I sometimes like to hear the sounds of the typewriter as I click away at the keys."

"I like the ding part the best." Commented Peter casually as he put out his cigarette. "So what are you writing there anyway?"

"I've come up with something for the script." Answered Sallem. "Since the original version of this chapter was a total flop, I'm cutting back on our part in this chapter, making us have a discussion about the story, putting in a decent sized chunk of writing for Rito, and devoting all of my free time to writing."

"Yeah that was probably your biggest mistake yet." Commented Peter. "I thought you would have known better by now. Remember the last time you focused to much on outside characters?"

"Unfortunately." Frowned Sallem as the typewriter dinged. "But that's all behind me. After this rewrite, I'm off these Brief Cut from the Action sequences for good."

"Better say all you have to say here then." Suggested Peter. "Seriously, there are so many things we could talk about now. The obvious patterns in your stories, what you have planned for the future, what an obvious pervert you are. Seriously, where should we start with all this?"

"You figure that out." Remarked Sallem coldly as he pounded the keys. "You have the same kind of wit as me, so I trust you to say things I'd approve of."

"Alright then," Shrugged Peter. "Well I suppose I could start us off by telling everyone the obvious formula you have for these stories. Basically all you do is force Rito together with the girl of the volume about four or five times in the story, give them an interesting place to date each time, insert a few jokes here and there, and then wrap things up with a confession and a cliffhanger."

"More or less," Confirmed Sallem as he put more paper in the typewriter. "I like to keep these things simple, so I'm going to cut back even more on how many chapters I write for each volume. I'll have fewer chapters, which means fewer words and reviews, but Rito's getting pretty close to accepting the idea of a harem without hesitation. Since most of the conflict in the story comes from Rito's inner turmoil about his monogamist beliefs, I'll be able to make these things shorter, but just as entertaining as ever. At least that's the plan."

"Alright then," Said Peter. "Sounds a bit lazy to me, but I'd honestly do the same in your position, so I have no real room to complain. Now about your plans for the future. I know you said you'd cut back on the chapter amount and I'm fine with that, but what do you plan to do with all the girls in the series? Seriously, besides what you've already done, there's still plenty of girls in the series that you could snatch up for these thing. Women like Tearju, Oshizu, Nana, Momo, Mea, Run, Haruna, Risa, Mio, Mikan, and who the hell knows who else for people you could add to the harem! That's the trouble with these things, there's always so much to choose from."

"Thanks for bringing that up Peter," Nodded Sallem absently. "I've been meaning to talk to somebody about that, but I could never motivate myself to do so. A heavy apology to the readers sounds like as good a place as any though."

"Well, if you're gonna make it sound like someone guilted you into this it might not be the best idea." Pointed out Peter.

"I know it's not," Agreed Sallem. "But these are some things I've wanted to say for a while, and honestly, I wanna get some feedback on these girls too. Anyway, as anyone familiar with my most recent poll could tell you, Tearju, Oshizu, Nana, and Momo are already on the 'Yes' list. As for the other girls, Risa and Mio are definite no-nos. They just strike me as kinda flat."

"Can I have them then?" Asked Chris Griffin as he walked onto the scene.

"Chris, go to your room, daddy's in an important interview right now." Ordered Peter his son calmly, who quickly complied. As soon as Chris was gone, Peter continued. "Alright, well I can see why you're so set on the girls in your poll, and I agree with you on those two other girls. They're basically just really, really horny all the time, and that's the role men are supposed to fill. But what about the others?"

"Well, I'd have to say that's all mostly up to the fans." Shrugged Sallem. "Run I already have a likely plan for, and I'm teetering on the edge about Haruna as it is, so I'll really need some feedback on that one, and quick. Mea would have to be kinda shoehorned in, but I'm pretty sure I could manage it if there's enough demand from the fans for it. Mikan is a whole other ballpark though, since it would be incest if she got put in. I'm not saying I'm dead set against it, but I'd need a fair amount of demand from the fans to put her in. Regardless of all other factors though, I can say with confidence that Haruna would not get a whole volume to herself, while Run, Mea, and Mikan could only be put into the omake I'm planning, and yes, there is a difference between those descriptions. Anything else?"

"Just one other thing, and then we can get on with the story." Said Peter. "Why the hell are you such a sick pervert?"

"Come again?" Asked Sallem nervously.

"C'mon, anyone who's seen internet porn can tell you're a fetish fan." Pointed out Peter. "Seriously, of the three girls you've written about so far, two of them have had alterations to their bodies that could be considered physical fetish based, and the other already fits into a category. Muscle, loli, and cat-girl. Seriously, is that your plan or something? Make every girl in the harem some kinda fetish model?"

Glaring at Peter for several moments as the camera cut dramatically between them, Sallem eventually deflated. "Yes." He admitted lamely.

"Well you're doing a great job so far." Said Peter energetically. "So what do you have planned for each girl?" He asked curiously. "Because there are a lot of fetishes out there, let me tell ya. You already seem to have muscle, loli, and cat-girl, but there's also, breast expansion, butt expansion, weight gain, conjoined, amputee, weird lower bodies like fish tails or horse legs, uhhh... hairy, I-I guess some people are into that... giantess, that's a big one too, he he he he, puns... uhh, tentacles? I-I don't know, maybe, or is it just for use on girls? uhhm..."

"Don't strain yourself Peter," Said Sallem as he placed a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you just end off this segment, okay?"

"How should I do that?" Asked Peter.

"I think you already know." Smirked Sallem as Peter suddenly got the joke a smiled in contentment.

"Ladies and gentlemen..." Began Peter formally. "Mr. Conway Twitty."

* * *

><p><strong>Real Chapter - With Rito <strong>_(while Conway Twitty plays)_

"Well that was... interesting." Remarked Rito as he continued his errands. "Those fireworks just came out of nowhere, and we just... stopped and laughed." Taking a moment to contemplate things, Rito had to admit at least two things. One, he liked Yui. Not **really** liked her, but something close to it. It was like how things were a little before he fell for Lala, and before he fell for Ryouko, and before he fell for Yami. There was no solid way to describe it, he just knew that with one more solid push, he'd fall for her like a redwood to a lumberjack. Two, Sallem was too good at what he does._ 'If he wanted to, he could probably set me up with every girl in Japan.'_ Rito shuddered at the thought. _'Better not mention that to him, it might give him ideas.'_ As he walked on, Sallem fell down from the sky right in front of him, though Rito wasn't the least bit surprised.

"Hello, Rito." Smirked Sallem in his crooked grin. "Miss me?"

"Barely noticed you were gone." Replied Rito honestly. "Though that's probably because you never really let me out of your sites, did you?" It wasn't a question.

Pouting now, Sallem pressed a button on his remote, causing a bag to appear in his hand. "You're starting to take the fun out of menacing you." He said as he forced the bag into Rito's hands. "Here, it's the manga supplies your dad asked for. I was going to put spiders, snakes, and scorpions in there to freak you out, but if you're gonna be boring about it I'm not even gonna bother."

"Thanks," Deadpanned Rito as he checked the bag for any of the mentioned animals, along with anything else that might freak people out. Satisfied at finding nothing but art supplies, he took a second to get his bearings and start heading out for his dad's office.

Sallem was actually mildly surprised at Rito's cool reaction to his scare tactics. Not one to give up though, he prowled after him like a wolf on a hunt. "So Rito, have a good time while I was gone?"

"I know you planned that." Rito remarked casually.

"Planned what?" Asked Sallem mischievously, deliberately failing at acting innocent.

"Me running into Yui. The fireworks. I'm not stupid." Rito explained.

"I've seen your test scores, dude." Chuckled Sallem. "Quite frankly, those tell a very different story than what you're spinning right now."

"My grades aren't that bad!" Panicked Rito, finally set off.

"You keep telling yourself that buddy." Sallem laughed as he pat Rito on the head like a dog. "Hey, here's a thought; if you're so smart, then why don't you start a study group with your concubines so they can benefit from your obvious genius?" He remarked sarcastically.

"They're not my concubines." Insisted a red-faced Rito. "It's... complicated." He explained as he turned away.

"Then what are they?" Asked Sallem in a cocky tone. "Because - just a heads up, mind you - I'm building a seraglio in your house for them. Nice place, dining table, big kitchen, three bathroom, hot spring, wi-fi and satellite hook-up, room for a dozen. I could live there in all honesty."

"A what?" Asked Rito, who had no idea what a seraglio was, but could guess it was some sort of living area.

"A living quarters used by wives and concubines in a Turkish Muslim household." Elaborated Sallem bluntly. "Put simply, it's a big place for your harem to move into when you start living together."

"We will not be living together!" Insisted a streaming red hot Rito. "At least... not for a while." He muttered quietly.

"Suuuureee you're not." Snickered Sallem sarcastically. "And I didn't coil and weld a roller coaster the shape of a giant metal snake around the Statue of Liberty." He was of course lying, having done just that last night, and it went unsaid that Rito knew that perfectly well.

"Are you planning to turn the entire planet into one giant theme park?" Asked Rito, fully aware that may well be exactly the case.

"No. Just every major landmark in the world." Replied Sallem without hesitation. "It's just so much fun for me to vandalize the massive structures and monuments you humans love so much. Seriously, I'm already working on turning the White House into a Haunted House."

"When are you going to leave?" Asked Rito tiredly.

"My vacation's over at the end of the month." Grunted Sallem as he stretched himself out. "Until then, you're more or less stuck with me."

"What will it take to get rid of you before then?" Questioned Rito. "Because I'm not sure exactly how much longer I can handle having you around."

"Go on a romantic date with Yui." Sallem answered immediately, not really surprising Rito at all. "You do that, I'm out of your hair."

"Right," Nodded Rito absently. "And I suppose that wherever I take her, you're going to be right behind making sure we fall in love by the end?" It wasn't a question.

"Well it's worked well so far." Shrugged Sallem with an utterly false sense of innocence. "It's like you humans say, 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it' and I see no reason to question your planet's customs on this one."

"It's funny how you think like a human only when it's convenient for you." Noticed Rito suspiciously.

"Guilty as charged." Admitted Sallem shamelessly. "So if I were you, I'd get to thinking of how to make a good impression on Yui when you ask her out. A nice place, not too fancy or pricey, think of what she might like, make sure not to come on too strong. Eh, you know, make a good impression on her for once. Ta ta!" He wrapped up as he pulled out his remote, pressed a button and disappeared in what looked like a mini nuclear explosion, but was actually just an elaborate hologram.

Sighing, Rito stared off at nowhere in particular as thoughts whisked around in his head at a casual pace. "Yui and I, huh?" He hummed as potential images of him and his harem passed through his mind's eye. On a group date, relaxing at home, at the beach, at the alter, in the delivery room, and so on and so forth. "Maybe it could happen." With Sallem gone - for now at least - and his mind at ease, Rito was finally free to spend some quiet time alone with his thoughts.

* * *

><p><strong>With Yui <strong>_(Conway Twitty still playing)_

_'I can't believe this!' _Panicked Yui as she rushed home, tail literally between her legs. _'How on Earth could I have possibly shared what was obviously an intimate moment with Rito? He's... He's... GAH! My head is so mess up I can't even think straight!'_ Her mind continued to flounder fruitlessly in search of accurate ways to describe how shameful that shared contact with Rito was until she reached home and threw herself face first into her pillow. _'Honestly! Why would I even begin to want anything to do with him? He's so... so... shameless!'_

"Oi! Yui! Are you alright in there?" Called her brother from beyond her door. "You just stormed in and ran into your room. What's the matter? Have a bad date with Rito?" He teased.

"Shut up!" Growled Yui. "It was not bad! I-I mean it wasn't a date! I-I mean it wasn't either one of those things!" She denied furiously, stumbling over her own words more than once.

"Oh?" Teased Yuu knowingly. "So it wasn't a date, but your time with Rito was good anyway?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth!" Retorted Yui angrily, even though she couldn't see his face, she had a sinking feeling that her brother was struggling not to laugh at her embarrassment. "I never said that I ran into him on my walk!"

"You never said you didn't." Pointed out Yuu tauntingly. "So come on. Did you or didn't you run into him?"

Brushing madly at her older brother's surprisingly great perception, Yui huffed, "Since when is my personal life any of your business?"

"Since the day you were born, that's when." Answered Yuu immediately, surprising Yui with how tender his voice was just now. "Look, Yui, I know we may get on each others nerves from time to time, hell I'd be hard pressed to find a time when you weren't totally steamed at me for some reason or another," He joked, trying to lighten the mood. "But seriously, what kind of big brother would I be if I didn't look out for my little sister's happiness?"

Narrowing her eyes at the door, Yui scoffed. "If you're so set on looking after my happiness, then why do always poke fun at me and brush me off whenever I'm trying to talk to you?"

"I don't always do that." Rebuked Yuu casually. "It's just that you're so stuck up about everything that I can't help but try to get you to loosen up a little. You worry too much all the time. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and see that there are people that really care about you and want to help you. Like family and friends. You do have friends, don't you? Or are you all alone at that school of yours?" He asked, genuinely concerned.

Yui, taken aback by the heavy sense of care in her brother's words took a second to deflate her anger a bit. She knew that she had people who cared about her, almost everyone did after all, or at least she liked to think that way. However, when she got right down to it, the people she would readily put on that list without a second thought were slim at best. The fellow members of the Disciplinary Committee were enforcers with her, but she'd never really taken the time to know any of them personally. As far as she was ever concerned, it was strictly a professional thing. She had her family, she knew that much for sure, even though her brother did annoy her more often than not. But friends? People outside her family? The closest thing she had to that were the ragtag bunch of misfits that seemed to intrude upon her life from distant corners of the galaxy, or in one case from the afterlife. That one still kinda creeped her out.

_'Wait,'_ Thought Yui calmly. _'Not the closest thing. As much as I may hate to admit it, those people are my friends. Haruna, Yami-chan, Oshizu, not Risa and Mio, they aren't even close to whatever my new sense of normal is, as much as I really loath to admit it, Lala and her sisters are close enough to me to be considered friends too, Celine is kinda like a little sister, in spite of what people say when they see her with me and Rito.'_ That brought a blush to her face as she remembered what one lady had said about them looking like parents out for a walk with their child. _'Rito... child...'_ She thought for a moment as her mind began to wander aimlessly, eventually arriving at an image of her her, Lala, Mikado-sensei, and Yami, all with stomachs swollen with unborn infants, Yui's especially so, looking to be full-term with quads, at least.

_"How are my favorite women in the universe doing today?"_ A fantasy version of Rito in a suit said as he entered the room.

_"I'm doing great, Rito!"_ Fantasy Lala said, just as energetic as the real thing. _"Our little girl is really kicking today! Do you want to feel her?" _She asked as she placed Rito's hands on her abdomen without waiting for an answer.

_"What makes you so sure it's a girl?"_ Fantasy Rito joked, though clearly he didn't mind Lala's actions.

_"I've been reading about it,"_ Fantasy Yami said as she latched onto Rito, smiling brightly. _"They say that a mother can just tell these things."_

_"That's right, Sweetie."_ Beamed Fantasy Ryouko as she casually rubbed her belly, paying no mind to the blush forming on Rito's face at the sight of her semitransparent nightgown. _"And let's be honest, you really don't want to ever question a mother-to-be when it concerns their child."_

_"Or children, as my case may be."_ Yui's fantasy self said as she placed her hand against the small of her back as she struggled to get up. _"I may not know exactly how many kittens are in there,"_ She remarked as she finally stood up and gently caressed her massive belly. _"But at the rate I'm growing, I'm afraid I may become the next octomom."_

_"Or maybe even squidmom."_ Teased a slightly older Mikan as she walked in, her belly thankfully not swollen. _"Either way, I'm looking forward to being an aunt."_

_'Wait a second!'_ Panicked the real Yui as her fantasy grinded to a halt. _'Wh-Why am I think about things like this?-! It's like I'm wishing for it or something!'_ Shaking such thoughts from her head frantically, Yui returned her attention to her brother. "Of course I have friends!" She huffed insistently.

"Oh yeah?" Asked Yuu suspiciously. "Like who?" He goaded her.

"Like... like... Didn't I say that my personal life is none of your business?-!" She rebuked.

"Yui," Began Yuu tenderly. "It's okay if you have a crush on Rito." He said, obviously enjoying himself.

"I do not!" She barked (ironic for a cat, I know).

"Whatever you say Yui," He chuckled. "But seriously, that Rito's a much nicer guy than I hear you give him credit for most of the time. I know, I've seen enough of him to know that he'd go beyond his limits for people he cares about, and I know you're one of those people. If I'm ever gonna have a brother-in-law... Well, let's just say I'm putting my money on him."

Before Yui could retort, her sensitive hearing picked up his footsteps walking away from her room. Having nowhere else to vent her frustrations though, she called out after him anyway. "I will not marry Rito!" Enough of her anger spent in her last objection to cool herself down a bit, she flopped face first into her pillow again. "Honestly," She mumbled. "A girl like me could never feel anything for a guy like him." She'd said something to the effect of these words several times in the past, and never had she doubted them more than she did now.

* * *

><p><strong>Back to a Brief Cut from the Action<strong>

"Hello again everyone," Greeted Peter happily, who was holding a piece of paper in his hands. "Even though things were such a flop in the original version of this chapter, Sallem has decided to let me keep this Top Ten Report, just like the one on The Late Show with David Letterman, because it's not too long, it's at the end of the chapter anyway, and we believe it still manages to relate enough to Eastern Storytelling methods to fit into the context of the story. Tonight we have a little number called "Top Ten Things I, Peter Griffin, Would Like To Say To Anime Fans" and now presenting this Top Ten list is yours truly. Ahem."

"Number 10 - You ever notice that one guy in Bleach with 69 tattooed on his face? I cosplayed as him at a convention once before I knew what that meant, and the next day I woke up with a hangover, no pants, a tattoo of Abraham Lincoln on my right butt cheek, and one of Martin Luther King Jr. on my left, and for some odd reason a complete Japanese DVD boxset of the Harry Potter series signed by Chuggaaconroy."

"Number 9 - That Japanese Harry Potter DVD boxset signed by Chuggaaconroy I mentioned, it's on ebay if anyone wants it."

"Number 8 - Ever notice how the girls in most shonen manga have boobs bigger than their head? Why is it that America gets such a bad rap for that in comics when it gets so much worse in Japan?"

"Number 7 - Contrary to what CLAMP, Mrs. Meyer, and fangirls may believe, men cannot get pregnant, and homosexuality is not a beautiful thing to witness. Do your part to make sure that Yaoi and Yuri fanatics stay off our sites. Hack their accounts, delete everything, and post a ton of spam and porn in their name so they get banned."

"Number 6 - Have any of you ever noticed how women can get away with the worst acts of violence to the most innocent of guys in manga, and nobody will care, but when a nice guy beats up the same girl because they beat up other guys for no reason, everyone's out for his blood? Do your part to fix this, write humorous fics about these girls getting their just desserts."

"Number 5 - If a manga has at least one hot girl in a provocative outfit and pose on the cover but any boys on it are chibis, don't buy it. Just flip through the pages, look for boobs and panty shots, and then put it back on the shelf. That's usually all you'll get out of it either way."

"Number 4 - If it's shonen or seinen, read at least the first two chapter before deciding whether or not to continue. If it's shojo or josei, read the summary, and if you don't give just that at least 8 out of 10, ignore it. If it's by CLAMP, look up the main characters, draw art of them being seriously injured or killed in a graphic fashion, and post it online. Trust me, you'll be doing the world a favor."

"Number 3 - If you like Naruto, chances are I don't care for you as a person."

"Number 2 - Don't waste your money, kids. If it's in the stores, a better version is usually available for free online. Except for Iron Wok Jan, I can't find that online no matter where I look. I've found a few scattered volumes at my local library so I know it's been translated into English, but I and many other people would be really grateful if someone would just post all the volumes on mangafox or mangapanda or some other manga sharing site so we don't have to waste any money to read it. It's not rocket science people, you just have to scan the books into your computer. I know at least some of you know how to do that."

"Number 1 - One Piece. Of course it's Number 1, what else did you expect to be the best?"

"Thank you all for listening. This is Peter Griffin, signing off."

* * *

><p>What did you think everyone? I know I seriously loused this up the first time, but I really tried to improve it with this rewrite. Please review and tell me what you think. Also, if you have the time, I could really use some ideas for my future writing projects. Based on my poll, it looks like Tearju is next on the list for Rito's harem, but I could use some ideas for that and other stories before I start writing anything new.<p> 


	8. Resolve, Part 1

Hello again! I just have one thing to say before we go anywhere in this chapter. I have a cowriter by the name of Bigby the Big Bad Wolf. Some of you may be familiar with his slacking work on Bleach Ultimate Alien. Anyway, we have a little bet going on, and I'd like to ask you all for a little help in getting me to win. On his profile, of which you can find a link in my Favorite Author's section, he has a poll for Bleach Ultimate Alien with two options. Option 1, which you want to choose, as it will help me win, is the full Harem option. Option 2, which you do not want to choose, is just a threesome, and therefor not as awesome. He's already made his opinions on the idea known in his author's notes, so I'm making mine known as well. So, in summary, help me win my bet by voting yes for harem in Bigby's poll. Thank you for aiding me in my bet. I have nothing else to say, so let's get this garbage train rolling!

* * *

><p><strong>Sunday Morning - Yuuki Household<strong>

Grumbling as he stirred from his sleep, Rito felt something soft in his hand. _'I know what this is.'_ Thought Rito as he pulled his hand back, thoroughly tired of this routine by now. _'My guess is that Momo's getting frisky again.'_ Slowly opening his eyes and pulling off his covers to face reality he saw that it was indeed Momo. _'Two points for me.'_ He thought as he casually got out of bed and put some pants on. He wasn't entirely sure where along the line waking up with Momo in his bed had lost the panic factor it once had, but as he slipped on his socks, he just brushed it off as either finally adapting after a year or so of this kind of thing happening, a side effect of Sallem setting him up with a harem over the past two and a half months, or more likely some combination of the two.

"Speaking of Sallem," Whispered Rito to himself as he left his room and headed downstairs. "I still have to ask Yui out on that date, though I have no idea where she'd like to go with me." Rito wasn't naive, he knew that there was more often than not at least some extent of planning involved in a date. If there was one thing he could respect Sallem for, it was the obviously great amount of forethought and planning he put into everything he did. Setting up all those dates like he'd done so they'd be just right was no small means of feat, and now that Rito was the one who had to do the planning, he couldn't help but long for the times when Sallem would do the work for him. "Listen to yourself, Rito." He sighed as he shook his head. "Sallem makes your life a train wreck and you want him to wreck it some more now? Show some backbone for once."

"They say people who talk to themselves are either mad or brilliant." Sallem said as he once again came out of nowhere, though this time Rito had honestly been expecting it. "So which one are you?" He asked as he popped off his head and held it upside-down.

"Compared to you at least, I don't think I'm either." Remarked Rito sarcastically as he ignored Sallem and made a beeline for the kitchen.

"Did you just call me mad and brilliant in a witty remark?" Asked a stunned Sallem. "Yo ho ho ho! I think you did! I'm so happy to be rubbing off on you!"

Trying not to think about the implications Sallem was making, Rito sat down at the table as he saw his sister at the stove. "Hey Mikan, what's for breakfast?"

"A few things Sallem got from one of his usual outings." Mikan answered as she held up two large frying pans with two equally large omelets. "Sallem says it's supposed to be a Chicken Tiger Egg omelet mixed with chunks of Ozone Herb and Jewel Meat and topped with Melk Stardust."

"I'll pretend to have an idea as to what that means." Sweat-dropped Rito as he turned to Lala and Nana, who were already at the table. "So what do you two plan to do today?"

"Sallem and I are gonna work on my old video game project." Smiled Lala. "You remember that, don't you?"

"How could I forget?" Replied Rito awkwardly, still a bit nervous about somewhat confessing to Lala in that elaborate prank by Nana and Momo, even though he'd confessed outright to her since then. "So why is he so interested in it?" He asked uneasily, not wanting another encounter with that game.

"He says that he wants to market it to the galaxy and make himself even richer." Lala explained, causing Rito to sigh in relief. "Personally, I'll just be glad to share it with everyone else. Even though I gave up on it halfway through, just the thought of one of my inventions being shared with the rest of the galaxy makes me so happy!"

"As long as it makes you happy, Lala." Smiled Rito sheepishly as he grabbed the newspaper, still not certain that he liked the idea of Sallem getting his hands on something like that game. As he flipped through the paper he asked, "Hey Lala, where do you think Yui would like to go with me on a date?"'

"WHAT?-!" Nana suddenly cried in outburst as she grabbed Rito harshly by his shirt and shaking him, not believing her ears. "What do you think you're doing asking my sister a question like that?-! Have you forgotten that **she's** your fiance, and not some neko-onna?-! I like cats as much as the next girl, but your adultery has been going on for long enough now! Either you dump those girls right now or-"

"Nana," Said Lala in a scolding tone as she grabber her younger sister's arm and pulled her away from a dazed Rito. "That's enough."

"But Onee-sama!" Whined Nana. "He's blatantly disrespecting his engagement to you! Why would you defend him?"

"Technically, I'm the one who's been disrespecting that false engagement." Pointed out Sallem as he walked into the kitchen, his head still detached and in his hands. "Besides, Lala has her reasons, don't you?"

"Right," Nodded Lala. "You see Nana, when I first asked Rito to marry me-"

"By that, you of course mean that you attempted to force him into it so you could run away from home, when you knew that his feelings were for another." Corrected Sallem bluntly.

"How did you know that?" Asked Rito.

"I probed your brain." Sallem answered as he sat down at the table and Rito had a freak out. "Don't worry, I left everything just the way I found it."

"That doesn't make me feel better." Bemoaned Rito.

"Tough Twinkies." Scoffed Sallem as he reattached his head. "Now as you were saying, Lala. Forced marriage, running away, complete disregard for Rito's feelings, sanity, well-being, and the fate of his planet, and all that jazz."

"Ummmm..." Hesitated Lala, her careless behavior from when she first arrived suddenly weighing heavily on her conscience. "Well..."

_'I think he hit a sore spot.'_ Thought Rito, though he didn't say anything because Sallem's words, while harsh, were technically too painfully dead on for him to deny. Instead, he opted to take more interest in the paper for the time being.

"Well, the point is that Rito didn't want me around at all in the beginning, and I didn't really care about him." Lala said quickly, trying to change the subject as fast as possible. "Anyway... then Rito said something to me that made me fall in love with him for real-"

"Translation, you misinterpreted something he said for his own sake and freedom as something he said in defense of you." Said Sallem callously.

"Right," Amended Lala, who was feeling increasingly awkward and embarrassed. "After that, I enrolled in his school to get closer to him, and then a while after that, dad showed up on earth and tried to force Rito to marry me against his will." She glanced at Sallem to see if he was going to say anything again. Getting no response, she continued, a bit more confident. "But since I knew that wasn't what Rito wanted, and I'd already caused him enough trouble as it was, I decided to call off the engagement."

"An engagement you had no right; moral, legal, or otherwise to decide from the beginning." Added Sallem cheerfully.

"Yes, that's true." Laughed Lala awkwardly, actually starting to visibly sweat under the pressure. "Eventually though, Rito confessed to me out of his own free will, and I decided that after all I'd put him through already, I wasn't going to deny him what he wanted in the first place before I showed up."

"Yes, true love and all that." Smiled Sallem. "In spite of all the very legitimate reasons and excuses he had to flat out reject you at a moment's notice that no one with even a semi-logical mind could fault him for. Truly you could not be further from the pick of the litter."

"You're one to talk!" Pointed out Nana. "I've seen you do worse stuff almost every time I see you! You've blown up parts of the palace, traumatized the guards-"

"Slipped you a potion so that your breasts would never grow." Added Sallem casually before sipping some tea he seemed to pull out of nowhere, prompting Nana to suddenly freeze.

"What... did... you... say?" Seethed Nana, her grip on the table actually causing the wood to splinter.

"That was a joke. Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho." Chuckled Sallem quietly. "But it's also completely true. Yo ho ho ho ho ho. That's what you get for trying to ruin my fun so many times in the past."

With that, Nana gripped the table so hard the the part she was holding shattered in her hands. Before she could even utter her first curse at Sallem over his transgressions against her and attempt to brutally rip his head off, he'd already teleported a transparent, soundproof, and bulletproof case around her, effectively leaving her like a caged animal.

"While she's cooling her heels in there like a raging chimpanzee, I suggest we eat out breakfast while we can." Remarked Sallem as Mikan set out breakfast for all of them, as if on cue. As he dug in though, he was the only one to do so, as Rito and Lala were still both feeling awkward from Sallem's commentary, Nana was still raging in a cage, and Mikan just looked at him disapprovingly. "Don't worry, the box has a 4th Dimensional air supply hooked up to it. The planet will run out of air before she does."

Seeing Lala in such a saddened state as she fiddled with her eggs made Rito's heart break slightly. Unable to take seeing a woman he - against all odds, as Sallem had just bluntly pointed out - had fallen in love with so sad, he pulled her away from the table. "Lala, could you step outside with me for a moment?" He asked as he lead her out the back door.

Smirking at the retreating pair, Sallem happily continued his eggs.

"What are you up to this time?" Asked Mikan suspiciously.

"What makes you think I'm up to anything?" Asked Sallem coyly.

"Because you always are." Pointed out Karasuba as she walked into the kitchen and quickly grabbed an entire omelet for herself and sat down at the table.

"Looks like somebody has a hollow leg today." Joked Mikan.

"I'm hungry, so sue me." Replied Karasuba as she started eating. She and Mikan had reached a mutual understanding of each other these past months. "So what do you think those two are up to?" She mumbled with her mouth full.

"That's for them to know, and us to not." Remarked Sallem as he stuffed a huge piece of egg into his mouth. Noticing the sudden odd stares he was getting from the others, he broached the question. "What?"

"Nothing," Brushed off Karasuba. "It's just that you're not usually one to respect people's privacy."

"Whatever." Shrugged Sallem as he got back to eating. "Even I have some standards after all."

* * *

><p><strong>Outside - With Rito and Lala<strong>

"Rito, what is it?" Asked Lala nervously, feeling bad at the reminder Sallem gave her of how much trouble she'd caused Rito since she'd entered his life.

"Look Lala," Began Rito, blushing and struggling to maintain eye contact as he realized there was no easy way to say what he needed to. "When you first entered my life, and for some time after, I'll be honest, there was nothing I wanted more at the time that to get rid of you."

"Oh," Replied Lala quietly, her earlier sadness now turning into outright misery.

"But," Continued Rito, his face getting redder as he did. "As things went on, and I started getting used to having you around well... I..."

"Yes?" Pleaded Lala for him to continue, starting to feel hopeful.

"Well... you annoy me." That, Rito knew was definitely not the best thing to say, as he saw tears forming in Lala's eyes. "But... even though you cause me no end of trouble, and even though there are a lot of times - almost constantly as a matter of fact - when I wish that you'd leave your phone locked up where no one - including you - can get at it," Lala was crying freely, yet quietly by now. "I'm still able to look past all that and see the bright, cheerful, well meaning, friendly, caring, and loving Lala that I love." By now, Rito was blushing madly and barely able to keep his head up, while Lala's tears had almost instantly vanished.

"Rito~!" Cried Lala excitedly as she suddenly hugged him in a vice-like grip, knocking the wind out of his lungs. "It makes me so happy to hear you say that!"

"Don't mention it, Lala." Grunted Rito as he pat her on the back while struggling to breath. "Now, do you think you could ease up on the hugging? You're kinda crushing me."

"Oh, right." Laughed Lala awkwardly as she stepped back, her tail twitching in embarrassment. "Sometimes I forget my own strength."

"Wait a second..." Hummed Rito thoughtfully as he observed Lala's twitching tail. Suddenly, his face lit up in epiphany. "That's it! Lala, you're a genius!" With, before he knew what he was doing, he grabbed Lala by her shoulders and kissed her. It wasn't deep and didn't last more than a few seconds, but when Rito pulled away and realized what he'd done, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Uh, Lala, I don't know what-"

"My first kiss..." Lala cut him off as she touched her lips in surprise. "And it was with you." She smiled with more joy than Rito had ever seen her have. "I'm so happy that, even though I may not be your first, you're still my first."

"Your first kiss..." Rito mumbled quietly as he looked back on everything, realizing that even though he'd admitted his feelings for Lala months ago, he'd never once actually kissed her. Looking at Lala's smile, he couldn't help but return it. If she was glad to have him as her first kiss, then that made him happy for some reason he could only guess was love. Slowly, fully aware of what he was doing this time he kissed Lala again. Taking it slow at first, when she made no protest and actually seemed to be enjoying it, he deepened the kiss for several seconds before they both had to come up for air.

When they parted they were both blushing madly and averting their gaze from each other awkwardly.

"I, uhhh, think we should go back for breakfast before it gets cold." Suggested Rito nervously.

"Or someone else eats it all." Lala shuffled her feet sheepishly.

As they went inside, they both knew something had changed. For better or worse could only be determined by going forward, but as they glanced at each other, they had high hopes for whatever may come.

* * *

><p><strong>10:27 - With Rito<strong>

_'If I'm remembering this right, she should live right here.'_ Rito though as he came across a house he'd gone to only once or twice before. _'Well, here goes nothing, I suppose. I still can't believe that I'm actually doing this though.'_ He thought to himself as he rang the doorbell and waited, hoping that Yui would be home, and more importantly in a good mood. In no time, the door was answered by Yuu, who looked even more happy than usual when he saw Rito.

"Well isn't this interesting?" Asked Yuu rhetorically though well meaning as he let Rito in. "What brings you here, Rito? It's not a school day and my sister isn't sick. Don't tell me you're here to ask her out?" He joked.

"Actually yes." Answered Rito immediately, throwing Yuu for a loop. "How have you been by the way?" He asked, keeping his manners in mind.

"Well... I've been alright, I suppose?" Answered Yuu uncertainly, still reeling from the casualness with which his young friend had said that he was planning to ask out his sister. No offense intended on his part, but Yui was a real handful even at the best of times. "Really, I'm the one who should be asking you that question. Seriously, are you feeling alright? Because, and I mean this in the nicest way, it doesn't sound like you have your head on quite right at the moment. I mean, did you seriously just say that you wanted to ask my sister out? As in, on a date?"

"That's what I said." Confirmed Rito as Yuu's expression turned into a nervous smile. "I know what you're thinking, or at least the general idea." He sighed. "Believe me when I say that things have been pretty hectic for me these past few months. Under normal circumstances I probably wouldn't try to ask Yui out, but something happened a few days ago that made me feel... I don't know, something connect with her, one idea lead to another, and now I'm here asking you for permission to date your sister," Rito took a pause to deeply inhale before he quietly and quickly said. "In a relationship that will probably wind up with her as part of some kind of harem if and when Lala's dad forces me to become king of the universe." He finished pathetically.

An eyebrow twitching in disbelief, Yuu let Rito's words sink in for a moment before he let himself make any sort of comment. Sighing as he shook his head in frustration, he gathered his thoughts for a response. "Tell me Rito, would you say that you love my sister?"

"I'm... not entirely certain myself." Admitted Rito sheepishly. "I just know that I want to take a shot, and don't want any regrets about it."

"I see," Yuu nodded, his composure returning. "Well if you do fall in love with her, what guarantee do I have that you'll treat my little sister right?"

"She can kill me if I don't," Deadpanned Rito, to which Yuu could only nod sagely in complete agreement. "Also, I'm nowhere near smart enough to manipulate her in any way. She's a very strong willed girl to say the least, and my grades are only slightly above average anyway."

"You're right, I really don't need to worry about that kind of thing, do I?" Joked Yuu as he scratched the back of his head. "But, even knowing all that, you still wanna ask her out? She's not exactly the pick of the litter after all." After a few moments Yuu and Rito both realized the obvious cat pun that had been made and couldn't help giggling.

Unknown to both of them however, Yui had been listening in on them in secret from behind a wall almost since Rito had walked in. Her keen cat ears having heard everything, she wasn't too happy at what Rito had been discussing with her brother, taking personal offense to the idea of being degraded to part of a harem instead of Rito's one and only. Another part of her however - likely the feline part, Yui noted to herself - was genuinely flattered and slightly enthusiastic about the idea of Rito reciprocating her feelings. Yes, she loved Rito. She no longer bothered hiding it from herself. In hindsight, she didn't even understand why she'd made so much effort denying it all this time.

_'But this!'_ Seethed Yui mentally. _'I can honestly see myself dating, even marrying and starting a family with Rito,'_ In spite of her acceptance of her feelings, a blush still rushed to her face. _'But a Harem?-! Unacceptable! Outrageous! Completely shameless! I will never degrade myself like that!'_ But before her mind could conjure up any suitable images that could describe her mood, she was pushed out into full view of Rito and her brother.

As all three of them stared at each other nervously, Rito and Yuu out of fear of how much Yui might have heard, and Yui out of having her eavesdropping being discovered. For several moments they just stared in silence, none of the three parties having the nerve to make a move, when a small noise caught Yui's attention to where she had just been moments ago.

_'Mom!'_ Panicked Yui. _'What is she doing?-! Did she just push me out here?-! Why would she do that?-!'_ Things quickly fell into place however, when her mom made gestures of 'Go on, go on' and started blushing and giggling like a schoolgirl. _'Seriously mom?-! What is it with the sudden interest everyone around me is taking in my love life?-! I do not need a boyfriend that badly, or at all for that matter!'_ Even as she thought this though, there was still the steadily growing voice that said. _'It would be really nice to have one though, especially if it's Rito.'_ Not wanting thoughts like that to rule her though, she quickly righted herself and stood with an air of authority.

"What do you two want?" She demanded harshly.

"How long have you been listening?" Asked Rito nervously.

"Because our answer will depend on your answer." Admitted Yuu bluntly.

Glaring at her brother with contempt, she didn't falter for a moment. "I asked you first." She rebuked, ignoring her mother signaling her to calm down for a moment and listen.

Scratching the top of his head as he looked around nervously, Rito responded. "You've been listening since I came in haven't you?"

"I-I have not!" Denied Yui, a faint blush on her cheeks.

"Don't worry," Reassured Rito calmly. "I've been forced to be around Sallem and his expression reading abilities for long enough to pick up a few tricks, whether I wanted to or not."

"You... you have?" Asked Yui nervously, not the least bit happy at the thought of having her mind read.

"Yeah, just a few things here and there, though." Elaborated Rito. "Mostly I can only read moods and make a few guesses, I'm honestly just an amateur compared to him."

Both Rito and Yui shuffled their feet on the ground awkwardly, neither really knowing what to say. Meanwhile, Yuu had gone over to his mom and was observing the situation from a safe distance.

"So," Rito began after several moments of unnerving silence. "Are you free after school this Friday?" He bit the bullet and asked her.

_'He said it.' _Thought Yui in embarrassment. _'He actually went and asked me out on a date! While he's in a relationship with three other women at once! Shameless! Seriously, for all I know he may have even more than just those three. Even more shameless! Enemy of all women! I've got to put a stop to this right now before things get even more out of hand. Go ahead Yui, tell him exactly what you think about him.'_

"I... don't have any plans for that time at the moment." Yui said nervously, eyes averted from Rito. Inwardly however, she was panicking. _'What am I saying? If it's like this I sound like I actually want to go on a date with him! __I've gotta turn this around quick!'_

"Then in that case," Said Rito stiffly. "I know of a few places I think you might like to go. Would you... wanna go out with me?"

_'He's actually saying it!' _Screamed Yui mentally, so much blood had rushed to her face it was a wonder it wasn't coming out her nose yet. _'Rito has just asked me out on a date! Does he seriously think that I want to go out with him?-! Well I do, but that's not the point! The point here is - Mom, Yuu! What do you two think you're doing giggling at this situation I'm in?-! I know at least Yuu knows I can hear him! How shameless! How shameless! How shameless! How-!'_

"Sure." The word came out of Yui's mouth before she could stop it, much to the protest of the tsun-tsun side of her tsundere.

"...Alright then." Said a confused Rito, surprised to see that she actually agreed so easily. "Then I'll see you in front of the school building after the final bell?"

"...Fine." Said Yui, her dere-dere barely winning over her tsun-tsun. "Just make sure no one interrupts us!" She tacks on sternly.

"Don't worry," Says Rito. "I'll make sure to tell as many people as I can to stay away from the places I have planned. I was actually going to do that anyway. See you then." He said before he took his leave.

"Right..." Replied Yui hesitantly. Once he was gone, her jaw dropped, her face froze, and her thoughts raced. _'What did I just do?-! What did I just do?-! What did I just do?-! I just agreed to go on a date with Rito! Date! Rito! Date! Rito! What on Earth was I thinking?-! What am I gonna do?-! What am I gonna do?-! What am I gonna do?-!'_ As those thoughts and similar ones raced through her head on an endless loop, she didn't even notice as she was swarmed by her mother and brother.

"Oh, my little girl has a date!" Gushed Yui's mom. "I was afraid that this day would never come! You always have been a bit uptight dearie, but to hear you accepting a date from such a handsome young man helps put my mind at ease."

"Yeah, it helps that she's been secretly crushing on him for a while now." Goaded Yuu as he mussed up his little sister's hair. "Rito's a good kid. Trust me, I know the guy, and I know he'll treat you right."

"Oh that's wonderful!" Cried Yui's mom as she hugged her daughter enthusiastically. "I knew that you had someone special in your heart ever since I saw you making that valentine chocolate. Not to mention he's even a friend of your brother's. That's a ringing endorsement if I ever saw one." Eventually though, she realized that Yui wasn't moving or saying anything. "Yui dear, is something wrong?"

"Lemme check." Hummed Yuu as he looked Yui straight in the eyes and placed a hand to her forehead. "Hmm, I think she may have gone into shock or something." He guessed.

"NYAAAAAA!" Screeched Yui suddenly, her fur standing on end as she raced upstairs to her bedroom.

"...I think we broke her." Said Yuu nervously.

* * *

><p><strong>Friday - With Yui<strong>

It would be no exaggeration to say that Yui was very frustrated with how the week had been going thus far. Every time she tried to talk to Rito about getting out of the date she agreed to for reasons even she herself didn't understand something always managed to get in her way. Like a groping from Risa and Mio, Yui slashed their faces for that. Or Rito being dragged away by Lala, Ryouko, or Yami, which only served to further remind Yui of the many relationships the guy she liked had. And then there was that one incident where someone had brought sushi to school for lunch, the trauma involved in that encounter would require many months of therapy... for the guy who brought the fish that is. Though Yui's "condition" did get out to the whole school during the scene, that was thankfully all that happened to her.

Now it was the end of the school day, and she quickly made a beeline for the exit, using her cat reflexes to weave past all in her way. Her deadline for canceling her date with Rito was upon her, and she'd found that as the week went on, her resolve to shot him down got weaker and weaker, the only option she had left to her now was to ditch him, lest her remaining resolve fade away as well. As she made her way to the front gates though, she slowed her pace, her determination to run away from her problems had stalled, giving her time to think.

_'What am I doing?'_ Yui asked herself, her head hanging in shame. _'I'm just running from obstacles instead of confronting them head on. Is this seriously who I am? Someone who talks big, but acts like a coward when things get too hard on me emotionally?'_ Shaking her head and painting a resolved expression on her face, she turned around to face the challenges life had thrown her way as she always did. Head-on, with cast-iron nerves. Even as she saw Rito jogging towards her, running short on breath, she stood her ground like a champ.

"There you are, Yui." Panted Rito as he stopped to catch his breath. "You ran away so fast after the final bell that I was worried you were running away."

"Don't be ridiculous." Insisted Yui strongly. "I never run from anything. I just didn't want to stay in there any longer than I had to after the sushi thing a few days ago." She quickly thought up a lie and stuck to it.

"Yeah, that was pretty bad, wasn't it?" Chuckled Rito as he awkwardly scratched his head. "I suppose you won't want this then." He said as he opened a small container he'd been carrying and pulled out a box of assorted sushi, which quickly caught Yui's eyes.

"Uhhh..." Drooled Yui, her feline eyes widened, instincts kicking in as she smelled fresh fish. "How did you keep those so fresh all day?"

"Sallem made a cooler for them when I asked for his help." When Yui's eyes narrowed, Rito knew he had stepped on sensitive ground. "But that's all I had him do for this, I swear. He had nothing else to do with preparing for our date."

Yui, partially because she trusted Rito, and partially because the fish were drawing her like moths to a flame, quickly snatched the sushi and began enjoying them. "This is so good." Mumbled Yui happily, not caring about the stares she was getting from a few passing students. "How is it that something so simple could be so good?"

"Glad you like it." Grinned Rito awkwardly. "So are you ready to go?" He asked as he held out his hand.

Pausing in the middle of her meal, Yui stared at the hand Rito was holding out for a few moments before wiping her hand off on her shirt and grabbing it in her own. "I'm warning you, if you try anything, I'll slash your face." She cautioned.

"I'll make sure not to try anything then." Said Rito nervously as he lead the way.

As they started off on their date, Yui had one thought going though her mind. _'This is just one date. That's it. That's the ultimatum. If he can't impress me in that time, I'm gone. But if he can... I'll do it... I'll join his harem willingly. If I didn't go into this with at least that much resolve, I wouldn't be me.'_

* * *

><p>There you go! Another chapter down, just one more for this volume to go, and then I can start work on the next volume. So now, a little reviewpreview for how this is gonna go down. Volume 1) Ryouko. Volume 2) Yami. Volume 3) Yui. Volume 4) Tearju. Volume 5) Nana and Momo. Volume 6) Oshizu. Omake) Post reviews for who you want to be added. Epilogue) No spoilers here! As always, look forward to my future work.


	9. Resolve, Part 2

Hello again everyone! Welcome one and all to the final chapter of Volume 3! I know you've all been waiting for this, but before we get started I have something I wanna say. As many of you no doubt know, I started this series of stories with the intention of it lasting 5 Volumes, but then changed my mind to 3, and am now changing it again to 6 + Omake + Epilogue. All coming to a grand total of 8 different stories in the same continuity. What I want to know is this, do you think that, once I'm finished with Volumes 1-6 and the Omakes, should I make an extra story that combines all these stories into one for convenience sake? When I say I want to combine them, I'm saying that I will cut out all unnecessary material, combine multiple chapters into one so that each new chapter is around 10,000 words long, and post the streamlined chapters once a week until they're all out. I'll still leave the original works up, it's just that this new story will be there for people who want the whole story in an easier to access package. Tell me what you think of my plan, and how you think I could improve it.

* * *

><p><strong>With Yui and Rito<strong>

_'Well, here I am.__'_ Though Yui as she let Rito casually lead her through the city. She didn't know where he was taking her as he said he wanted it to be a surprise. This surprised her slightly, as she didn't expect him to be this sly when it came to dating, when his usual interactions with women typically ended with his hurt, embarrassed, sputtering madly, or far more often some combination of the above. _'Maybe that's just with girls he's not interested in.'_ She thought. _'Either that or he's just getting better with women the more of them he has.'_ Yui shuddered at the thought. If he was this smooth with just three girls - she still didn't count herself among his harem - if the number kept going up, she might not know up from down in a few years.

"Rito, when are we going to get to where we're going?" Yui asked.

"It's not that much further now," Reassured Rito. "Trust me, you're really gonna like where we're going. Just wait a little bit longer, okay?"

"If you say so." Accepted Yui. "But tell me, why did you suddenly decide to ask me out all of a sudden?"

Rito sighed before turning to look at her. "Well, there are actually two reasons, really." He admitted sheepishly. "Do you want the good reason first, or the bad reason?"

Yui quirked an eyebrow, wondering how someone like Rito - in spite of all the accidents he's had in the past - could have a bad reason for asking someone out. "Bad. That way I'll have a reason to hold back from scratching your face until you give me a good reason. I want to be certain if you deserve it or not."

Rito shuddered as he knew Yui would have no problem with backing up that claim, but was thankful that she was at least willing to hear him out first. "Well, the bad reason is because Sallem agreed to leave me alone until it's time for him to go home if I asked you out."

"I'm already finding it hard to blame you for that." Deadpanned Yui without hesitation. "That man is unquestionably a menace to civilized society as a whole."

"I honestly can't say I disagree." Said Rito in full agreement. "As for the good reason, well..." He paused nervously.

"Well?" Asked Yui. "What's this good reason of yours?"

"Well," Continued Rito. "I'm not really sure if you could call it a reason, per say. But I, kinda just wanted to take a chance." He admitted. "At this point, I'm honestly not certain whether I'm for a harem, or against it. I mean, if you were to classify what I have with Lala, Ryouko, and Yami, most would instantly say harem, but I'm honestly still on the fence about the whole thing." Sighing as he scratched his head, he reached his conclusion. "I suppose what I want the most right now, is to know whether or not what I have could possibly be a lifelong thing. Do you know what I'm saying?"

Hearing Rito say this, Yui was torn. On the one hand, she did understand what he was saying, at least on a fundamental level. On the other hand though, her instincts were telling her to be mad at the very notion. However, Yui was nothing if not a logical person, and so she decided to take a middle ground by accepting his words as they were for now, and letting his actions decide what her eventual conclusion would be. "I suppose I'll just have to take your word for it for now. At least until I see where this goes."

"That's all I'm asking for." Smiled Rito. "And speaking of where this is going, we're here."

"Here? Where is-?" Yui instantly stopped dead as she saw where they were. Turning a sour glare at Rito, she said. "You really don't play fair."

"Sorry about that," Shrugged Rito. "This just seemed like the best place to start things off." Holding out an arm to her, he asked. "Are you ready?"

Sighing, Yui took his hand. "Of course I'm ready. This is one of my favorite places, after all." She agreed as Rito lead her into the pet store.

* * *

><p><strong>IN THE BATHROOM!<strong>

"Sorry about the poorly timed NintendoCapriSun reference people," Apologized Sallem, who was currently sitting on a toilet with a hologram screen in front of him. "I just really needed a way to change the scene from outside the pet store to inside it without making it sound redundant. I also wanted to make another joke, no matter how lame, so there. That aside though, I suppose you may have questions like 'Why a bathroom?' or 'What bathroom am I in?' To answer both those questions; I couldn't think of anything else, and I'm on the moon. Yes, you heard that right. Don't question my logic, just go with it and we won't have any problems. Anyway, now that we're done IN THE BATHROOM, take a look at the screen here and we'll get back to Rito and Yui."

* * *

><p><strong>In the Pet Store<strong>

"Nyaaa, nya nyya. Nnnnyaaa!" Said Yui as she held her face close to a large cage with several cats in it, her ears and tail twitching in delight as she did so. "Nya nya, nyaaaaaaa."

"Can you actually speak their language?" Asked Rito as he noticed the odd stares Yui was getting, though she seemed to ignore them.

"I can understand most of it," Confirmed Yui as she stood upright. "Though it can get a little touch and go sometimes. Believe it or not, cats actually have several different accents and dialects depending on their environment."

"Seriously?" Asked Rito, now highly intrigued. "What do these cats sound like?"

"Theirs is heavily laden with English words," Explained Yui. "Meanwhile, strays sound more like a stereotyped yakuza. I've even heard them mention inter-gang wars from time to time when I pass by alleys. And house cats tend to mimic their owners. I've even met a few cats owned by people working at stores who start up their own businesses."

"I had no idea that cat culture was so rich and diverse." Said an astonished Rito. "What do they use for money though?"

"They usually barter," Said Yui. "Though kitty treats tend to be used as a rudimentary form of currency more often than anything else, at least among house cats. Although relatively fresh fish seem to be worth the most to any cat out there. The fresher and bigger the better, especially if they have family members they need to take care of."

"It's actually pretty cool that you've been able to figure all of that out in such a short time." Noticed Rito. "After all, you've only been part cat for a few weeks now."

"Well, once I figured out that I could talk to cats I made sure to do my research." Replied Yui. "I know I've said this before, and you've obviously retained it," She said as she gestured around her at all the cats in the store, causing Rito to chuckle awkwardly. "But I love cats. They're my favorite animal after all."

"Then I suppose it's pretty lucky that you got merged with cat DNA, after all." Said Rito cheerfully, at least until Yui held her claws up to his face.

"Not lucky," Corrected Yui sternly. "Just... not unlucky."

"Right," Agreed Rito nervously. "I guess that after all the weird stuff that's happened to me ever since Lala came into my life, something like becoming part cat doesn't really phase me anymore."

"You're not the one who has to live with it." Pointed out Yui as she retracted her claws. "So where's our next stop for this date? I'm always glad to be around cats, but I hope you don't think that this is enough to win me over."

"Of course there are a few more stops." Smiled Rito. "I may not know exactly what I'm doing, but I like to think that I can think a few steps in advance."

"Here's hoping your plans can live up to your high expectations." Huffed Yui as she and Rito left the pet shop.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Scene<strong>

"I hate you so much right now." Deadpanned Yui the moment she saw where Rito had taken her. "I really do."

"Sorry about that." Apologized Rito sheepishly. "I really don't mean anything bad by the choice in location, it's just that the lighting and scenery seemed good for a date. You being part cat had nothing to do with it, I swear."

"It doesn't matter if you don't mean anything by it," Insisted Yui. "The fact stands that I'm part cat, and this is an aquarium." She said as she pointed at the sign hanging above the entrance. "For all we know I might go crazy over the fish and try to eat them."

"I really don't think you could manage that." Pointed out Rito. "I've been here before, and all the fish are behind glass, and aside from the employee only areas there's really no way to get at the fish."

"Knowing my instincts I'll probably just try to scratch at the glass to get at the succulent fish." Complained Yui.

"Alright then," Rito agreed, trying to pacify Yui. "If you don't want to go in there, we don't have to. I just though you might like the aquarium as a person, not a cat. I'm not trying to offend you."

Rito's words took Yui by surprise, making her cheeks flare up. "You really brought me here... because you thought I'd like this place as a human, not a cat?"

Now Rito was confused. "Of course that's why. You may be part cat now, but you're still the same person as ever on the inside." Suddenly, Yui looked down as she shuffled her feet. From what Rito had managed to pick up from Sallem's ability to read people, that meant something was wrong. "Yui, is there something bothering you?"

For several moments, Yui was quiet, finding her feet more interesting than anything else. Suddenly, she whispered. "Do you really think that?" She asked. "After everything since this happened?"

"What are you talking about?" Pressed Rito calmly. "I don't understand."

Yui turned her head abruptly towards Rito, an angry expression adorning her features. "I'm part cat now, Rito." She said. "We've already seen a few things this does to me. Catnip, fish, going into heat, and who knows what else. My new instincts can overtake me at any time. It's getting in the way of my life. How is it that you expect me to just ignore all of this?" In spite of her temper, she had managed to keep her voice level, not wanting to draw another crowd like Rito told her she did at the pet store.

Rito sighed. He honestly hadn't thought all that much about how being part cat could impact Yui's life so much. "I'm sorry that this happened to you, Yui." He apologized out of courtesy. "I never thought that this was something that impacted your life so much."

"Have you not noticed how things have gone these past few weeks?" Huffed Yui as she turned away from Rito. "Really, anyone would notice that I'm not having an easy time adapting."

"I'm sorry I didn't notice how much trouble you're having sooner." Said Rito. "Truth be told, you've always stuck me as someone strong willed enough to adapt to anything, so it never occurred to me that your transformation would do anything to you that you couldn't learn to handle."

Turning her head back to Rito slightly, Yui asked curiously. "You've always... thought I was strong willed?"

"Yeah," Nodded Rito. "I mean, if it's you, there doesn't seem to be anything that could bother you for very long before you can find some way to get through it. You've always held your head high in any problems, only rarely asking for help. Really, I think you're the kind of person who could move mountains if she put her mind to it."

Yui couldn't hide it, she was red as a tomato. Hell, it was so blatant, even Rito managed to notice it. "Well of course I can adapt to anything. Who the hell do you think I am, anyway?" Yui boasted proudly. "C'mon," She said as she grabbed Rito's wrist. "Let's get our tickets already."

"I thought you were worried about the fish." Reminded Rito.

"As if some measly snacks can keep me from enjoying my first date!" Yui said boldly as she brought a stunned Rito close to her face. For several seconds, her bravado and Rito's surprise managed to keep them perfectly still. Eventually though, Yui began to run out of steam and let Rito go, her face red again, while Rito just blinked at her oddly for a few seconds before smiling softly.

"Alright then," Accepted Rito as he grabbed Yui's hand and pulled out his wallet. "Since I'm taking you out, this is my treat. Okay?"

"O-okay." Agreed Yui as Rito began counting out the money for the entrance fee.

* * *

><p><strong>Inside the Aquarium<strong>

After the tickets were bought and they were inside, Yui had immediately gotten up close to the glass walls, placing her hands against the glass and staring at it intensely, just like a cat.

"Are you enjoying yourself, Yui?" Asked Rito awkwardly.

"Fish. My fish. Hungry." Replied Yui in a comically serious tone. However, she quickly shook the stars out of her head and regained her senses. "I mean, it's alright for a first date I suppose."

"Does this mean there will be a second date?" Asked Rito curiously.

A chill crawled up Yui's back as she glared at Rito. "What brought that up so suddenly?" She asked, a biting cold tone in her voice. "I thought you just took me out to take a shot. Now you're asking for more?"

"You heard that, did you?" Asked Rito, though it wasn't really a question.

"Of course I heard it!" Huffed Yui indignantly. "My hearing is as sharp as a cat's, after all. Also, I don't appreciate being treated like some one time thing. Honestly, thinking about it now, I can't even remember why I agreed to this in the first place."

Taking only a moment to think, Rito soon responded. "I'm sorry if I offended you at all when I said that, Yui, but I didn't mean anything bad by it." He apologized. "When I said that I wanted to take a shot, I meant that we should take this through a trial run before we commit to anything serious. I've heard that some relationships can really take a turn for the worse from time to time, after all. I just wanted to make sure this could work."

Yui blinked in confusion before her face started twitching slightly in embarrassment and she turned away again. "Well of course I know all of that was the right way to go." She insisted pridefully. "I just needed to make sure that you did." Even though she said that, her mind revealed a different story. _'Is that seriously the best I could come up with?'_ She asked herself in a panic. _'Honestly, even a real cat could come up with a better comeback, and I would know!'_

"Alright then," Accepted Rito honestly, causing Yui to turn in surprise. "Like I've said before, you're smart, at least more so than I am. Not to mention that you're always thinking of what's best for people, so I understand."

_'Just like that? He accepted it?-!'_ Thought Yui. _'Really, that kind of calm and honest way of speaking just screams 'I'm too honest and trusting for my own good'. Learn to question things a bit more.'_ All that came out of her mouth though... "Fine, just so long as you understand it."

"I understand perfectly." Nodded Rito, though Yui couldn't help but notice that he seemed to have some kind of twinkle in his eye. "Well then, I know where the dolphins are. Would you like to see them?"

"That sounds fine." Consented Yui as she took Rito's hand, allowing him to lead the way.

* * *

><p><strong>After the Aquarium - En Route to the Yuuki Residence<strong>

"I refuse to go back there, ever again." Insisted Yui as she dried her hair off with a souvenir towel. "Those dolphins went far beyond what was acceptable. Seriously, where do they get off spraying me like some misbehaving house cat? I may be human by birth, but I have the heart of a powerful stray cat. The Alpha Female, the Top Cat, the Apex Predator." Taking a pause to dry off her face, she continued. "And honestly, dolphins really drive me crazy. They're mammals that live in the water for Pete's Sake! Water is a sacred hunting ground for cats to search for fish, not confused warmblooded creatures that are supposed to be on land."

"Um, Yui," Began Rito nervously. "Are you feeling alright?"

Yui sighed. "Don't worry, Rito, I'm fine." She apologized. "Getting sprayed by every dolphin in the show just set me off a bit. I'm fine now."

"That... wasn't exactly what I was asking about." Clarified Rito awkwardly. "I'm not trying to step on any toes here, but the way you were talking just now sounded a lot like something a cat would say."

"Oh, that." Deadpanned Yui. "Sorry about that, but I've been spending so much time talking to cats since I discovered that I could, that I've picked up a few of their behavioral patterns."

"I see," Sweat dropped Rito. "So it was something like that then?"

"Yeah," Nodded Yui. "Anyway, you still haven't mentioned why we're going to your house yet."

"I already told you, it's just for dinner." Said Rito.

"A likely story." Huffed Yui as she wrapped the towel around her neck. "If the both of us weren't on friendly terms with aliens and a ghost, not-so-friendly terms with other extraterrestrials, you weren't possessed by a 9/11 Suicide Bomber, and I wasn't part cat, I may believe that you had something normal in mind for the end. However, since all of those things are part of our lives, do you honestly expect me to believe that there isn't something unusual planned for dinner?"

"Yui... how do I put this?" Asked Rito as they arrived at his house. "This and that are two entirely different things. There really isn't any solid correlation."

"Oh, so that group of people I hear shuffling inside your house doesn't have anything to do with our date?" Asked Yui rhetorically as she opened the front door, Ryouko, Lala, and Yami all waiting eagerly for her.

"Rito! Yui! Dinner's ready for everyone!" Cried Lala enthusiastically.

"Welcome to the harem, Yui-chan." Winked Ryouko mischievously.

"Welcome." Seconded Yami quietly.

Rito chuckled nervously under Yui's slightly judging glare. "Just for the record, the oddities in our lives and what I asked the others for help with still technically aren't connected directly." He pointed out.

"Well, I guess this is just how you do things then." Said Yui casually as she walked inside. "And for the record, I'm not part of this harem you have going on." She scolded Ryouko.

"Not yet, anyway." Cooed Ryouko as she picked up Yui in her big strong arms bridal style.

"Mikado-sensei!" Protested Yui. "What do you think you're doing to me?"

"It's a habit I've developed since I started working out." Explained Ryouko as she scooped up Rito into her arms as well. "I just love to carry people around."

"L-let me go this instant!" Demanded Yui as she struggled. "I don't like this one bit!"

"Y-Yui! Calm down for a second!" Pleaded Rito as he struggled to keep a hold on her. "I know this isn't ideal, but-" Suddenly, he was shifted about by Ryouko walking, causing his mouth to collide with Yui's (who didn't see this coming).

For a moment, as it always was, the minds of Rito and his unlucky target took a few seconds to catch up with what happened. When their brains finally caught up with them, they both struggled to get away from each other, but due to being limited by Ryouko's unyielding arms, all they succeeded in doing was getting even more tangled up with each other (I bet a lot of you have been waiting for something like this).

"Get your face out of my breasts!" Demanded Yui.

"I'm sorry! I'm trying!" Mumbled Rito.

"Where do you think you're putting your hands?-!"

"I can't even feel my hands!"

"Ahhh! That's my tail, you idiot!"

"Hold on a second, you two." Pleaded a struggling Ryouko. "At least let me put you two down before you start doing that. Otherwise I might-Ah!" It was too late, as the fracas had caused Ryouko to fall down.

"Owww," Groaned Rito as he rubbed his head and tried to get up, though with little success, as he felt the all too familiar sensation of breasts in his hands. "I'm sorry!" He panicked as he pulled his hands away, causing him to fall down on Yui.

"Oof!" Coughed Yui as she tried to push Rito off of her, though he success was also limited due to Ryouko being on top of both of them. "Get off of me!"

"Ohhh! My back~," Whined Ryouko as she rubbed her lower spine, not wanting to get up just yet due to the pain... And also because she was enjoying the feeling of her breasts rubbing against Rito's back, but that went without saying. "Ohhh! My boobs~!"

"Hey! That looks like fun!" Cheered Lala before she began working her way underneath Ryouko to cuddle up with Rito and Yui. "This is sorta like twister, isn't it?"

"Ecchi," Deadpanned Yami, not making any move to untangle the mess. "I'm in a harem with ecchi people."

"I'm pretty sure that much would go without saying." Pointed out Sallem, who had just arrived out of nowhere in his scuba gear. "Harems always are by default ecchi, to at least some extent. This is the kind of thing you have to expect to happen from time to time when you sign on for one."

"What are you doing here?" Asked Yami. "Your allergies are such a burden for you around cats that you need an alternate source of air. So why would you come this close to Yui, knowing she hates you?"

"Yami," Began Sallem sagely. "A quick word of advice. Wherever there is comedy to be found, I am there. Let that be a lesson to you in all your future endeavors."

"I'll make a mental note of that." Yami nodded.

"See to it that you do so." Said Sallem.

"That... Is... ENOUGH!" Exploded Yui as she threw Rito, Ryouko, and Lala off of her, fur standing on end, claws extended, and a feral look on her face. "I cannot believe this! You," She pointed at Ryouko. "Are supposed to be a helpful faculty member, a productive member of the school, and not part of the harem of one of your students! You," She pointed at Lala. "Have been causing problem, after problem, after problem for the moral and decency of the school and the community! You," She pointed at Sallem. "Are beyond the shadow of a doubt, the single worst thing to happen to this planet, ever! National landmarks worldwide turning into amusement park rides! Irremovable vandalism marking both this planet and the moon! Endless harassment of everyone you come in contact with! And you!" She pointed at Rito. "I don't care if you are being haunted by an evil ghost! You have violated the bodies of so many women - myself included - that the only way you could possibly get any worse would be if you actually started raping people! And I shudder to think how the evil spirit haunting you would go about doing that! To think that even I've become a member of your harem! How far have I fallen to accept that?-!"

All her energy spent on her tirade, Yui panted as her posture slouched in exhaustion. Everyone was dead silent, having nothing to say after the explosion of pent up energy, rage, and frustration they had just witnessed. Suddenly, a slow clapping noise reverberated throughout the room.

"Bravo," Said Sallem mockingly. "Bravisimo, huzza, encore, and all that sorta jazz and whatnot. I must say, I am very impressed to see the normally at least partially restrained and proper Yui just let it all out like that."

"Who asked you?" Growled Yui tensely as she brought her claws to bear. "One more word outta you, and I'll slice you to pieces. Exposing you to all the allergens that set you off."

Sallem just creased his eyes in a way that implied he was grinning and said. "Word."

"That's it!" Roared Yui as she slashed through Sallem's air hoses, only to pass through them as if nothing were there. "Huh?"

"Do you honestly believe that I'd show up here in person when you're in such a bad mood?" Asked Sallem rhetorically. "It's just a holographic projection. I'm just doing this to annoy you." Suddenly, Yui was slashing away like a woman possessed at Sallem's hologram. "Yes, go ahead and vent all you want, I won't do anything to stop you." Yui continued to slash away at him, and likely would have done so even if he hadn't given consent. "Well, while you go ahead and do that, why don't I just go ahead and playback something interesting I heard just now?" He remarked snidely as he pulled out a seashell and pressed the apex of it.

"And you!" Came Yui's voice from the shell, as if it were some manner of recording device. "I don't care if you are being haunted by an evil ghost! You have violated the bodies of so many women - myself included - that the only way you could possibly get any worse would be if you actually started raping people! And I shudder to think how the evil spirit haunting you would go about doing that! To think that even I've become a member of your harem! How far have I fallen to accept that?-!" Listening to the recording of herself, Yui's face paled.

"Let's listen to that again, shall we? Just the last part this time." Said Sallem playfully as he twisted the apex of the shell slightly, then pressed it again.

"To think that even I've become a member of your harem! How far have I fallen to accept that?-!" Yui's voice sounded out of the shell again.

"One more time!" Cheered Sallem, obviously enjoying himself greatly.

"That's enough! That's enough!" Panicked Yui. "We don't need to hear it again!"

"Oh? Then you admit you said this?" Remarked Sallem snidely.

"Shut up!" Demanded Yui harshly. "I was angry! I didn't know what I was saying!"

"Then I suppose all the complaints you had about Lala, Ryouko, Rito, and myself weren't true either then?" Said Sallem as his hologram casually walked right through Yui.

Shivering, Yui turned around in a fury. "Those complaints were completely serious and legitimate! I meant every word of them!"

"Well which is it then?" Danced Sallem. "Is it true, or is it false? Because - and I'm telling you this from personal experience - when you push the right buttons on somebody, they always rage about either nothing but the truth, or nothing but lies." Taking off his scuba mask and grinning his half-Glasgow Grin wildly at Yui, he asked. "So which is it in this case?"

Yui's entire body shook in a rage as she suddenly realized that she had never once had an advantage against Sallem, even with his allergies to work with. She glanced at Rito, who looked a bit confused, but his expression also showed patience and understanding. Then she looked back to Sallem's hologram, who still had a cocky smirk adorning his features. Finally, she herself sighed in exasperation. "You want to know which it is?" She asked dangerously. "And you want to know too, don't you?" She asked Rito, her tone just a fraction softer. "But... you're willing to wait for my answer, aren't you?" Rito nodded, a determined look in his eyes. It was really all he needed to say, even though he hadn't really said anything. Yui sighed again. "Fine then. I'll answer."

And with that, Yui grabbed Rito by the scruff of his shirt, and planted a kiss right on his lips. It caught Rito off guard, but he had (finally) gotten used to such things, and was quick to return the kiss. It wasn't very long or deep, just enough to let each other know that they were serious about this. "There," Gasped Yui after they had parted. "That's my answer."

Smiling, Rito kissed her forehead. "I love you too, Yui." He admitted with a mild blush. Suddenly, the pair found themselves surrounded by affectionate haremettes.

"One more for the party!" Cheered Ryouko as she pulled the two into her bosom.

"Hooray! Yui!" Smiled Lala as she hugged them both.

"My boyfriend is very ecchi." Deadpanned Yami, though she too snuggled with Rito. "But just in this case, I don't mind... too much."

"Awww," Gushed Sallem as he watched from a distance. "I'd cry if I hadn't replaced my tear ducts with hard light projectors. Yo ho ho ho ho ho!" Suddenly, the phone started ringing. "Could somebody get that? I'm a little short on physical mass at the moment."

"I'll get it." Grunted Rito as he squeezed his way out of his harem's clutches. As the girls began to disperse, Rito picked up the phone. "Hello, Yuuki Residence. Rito speaking."

"Rito! Thank goodness you're here!" Came Oshizu's panicked voice from the receiver. "Is Ryouko there?"

"She is. Why do you need her?" Asked Rito as he signaled for Ryouko to come over.

"It's Haruna! She was hit by a truck!" Cried Oshizu.

"What?" Gasped Rito, as some strange evil aura began to envelop him, making it hard for everyone to breath.

"Oh shit." Gaped a wide eyed Sallem, who had heard the conversation with his keen hearing. By the looks on Yui and Ryouko's faces, they had heard too. "Take cover!"

Not needing to be told twice, Yami was quick to grab her fellow haremettes in her hair and rushed them out of the room, only Sallem staying behind, due to his communicating through a hologram. As he saw the evil aura - no doubt from the terrorist ghost feeding off of his negative emotions - surrounding Rito grow larger, Sallem felt a sense of unease he'd only felt a scant few other times in his life. The sense that things were completely out of his hands for once.

"What happened?" Asked Rito, his voice filled with fear. "Is she going to be okay?"

"She's unconscious and injured, but her condition is stable." Explained Oshizu, still crying. "Do you think you could get Ryouko though? She should really be here to help."

Sallem, sensing his chance to change things around, jumped at it. "Do you hear that, Rito? She's going to be alright. With Ryouko and I working together on it, she'll be fine in no time. There's nothing to worry about. Do you hear me?"

"Haruna-chan..." Murmured Rito, Sallem's words not getting through to him as the aura maintained a stable level. However, as it seemed that Rito was gone to the world, he suddenly got a strong whack to the head, making the aura shrink. "Owww!"

"What is this all about, Rito?-!" Demanded Yui hotly. "We just confessed our feelings to each other, and now you're suddenly getting all bent out of shape over another girl? I may have accepted that I'm going to be part of your harem, but for you to suddenly get this bent out of shape over something that can be fixed right after we first shared our love? Unacceptable! If you're really a man, then show some backbone!"

"Yui..." Whispered Rito as the aura shrunk some more.

"Don't worry Rito," Said Ryouko as she gently held Rito to her bosom. "Sallem and I are both medical geniuses. This will be solved soon enough."

"Ryouko..." He whispered, aura shrinking again.

"We're here for you," Said Yami as she grabbed his hand in comfort. "You brought me out of my inner darkness, now it's my turn to return the favor."

"Yami..." Once more, the aura shrunk.

"Rito," Whispered Lala. "Haruna's important to me too, so I'm just as upset about this as you are. But there are times when you have to keep strong, and always believe that things will get better."

"Lala..." This time, the aura was gone completely.

"And even though I know Lala ripped that line right out of some anime, I'm inclined to more or less agree with her." Shrugged Sallem, getting many glares for his blunt comment. "Anyway, it seems that Ryouko and I are both need right now, so we'll have to take our leave. Sorry to break this up, but you'll have to save the touchy feelly stuff for later." Pulling out his remote, he remarked to Ryouko. "Coming?"

"Guess that's my cue." Sighed Ryouko as she let Rito go. "Sorry things wound up this way, but I promise to have her back up and running as fast as I can. See you later." Ryouko nodded at Sallem, and he pressed a button on his remote, taking them both to Haruna.

* * *

><p><strong>Ryouko's Clinic - Haruna's Room - 30 Minutes Later<strong>

"I feared as much." Sighed the real Sallem as he observed the readings from his scanners.

"What is it?" Pleaded Oshizu. "Is she not going to..." She trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence.

"No," Sallem shook his head, Oshizu sighing in relief. "If it was that simple, I could do something about it. No, this is being caused by the ghost haunting Rito."

"There's a ghost haunting Rito?" Asked Ryouko in astonishment. "And you didn't mention this to me before now, because...?"

"There wasn't a need to," Explained Sallem. "When I first came here, it was with the understanding that my capture of this ghost would be more or less like any other. I come in, expose the evil spirit's weak point, I catch it, I turn it into artwork. But that's not going to happen now."

"Why not?" Asked Oshizu.

"Because of this." Sallem pointed at Haruna. "Even though it's just a mass of brainless instincts lacking in any common sense, it somehow came to he conclusion that Haruna joining Rito's harem after he accepted the idea would make the hold it has on Rito weak enough to be captured. To that end, it used what power it had to place some curse on her, to prevent her from joining the harem. Sorta like Sleeping Beauty, except more brutal, and no kiss from Prince Charming will break this spell."

"Can't you wake her up though?" Ryouko asked. "If you of all people know the problem, you should be able to figure something out."

"I have figured something out." Said Sallem. "However, because of the huge power boost the evil spirit got from Rito's despair, it's not going to be easy, and I can't do it alone."

"I'll do anything I can to help!" Said Oshizu automatically. "Haruna's my best friend, and I won't let her suffer like this!"

"Glad to hear it," Smiled Sallem. "Because we're gonna need your help most of all. Here," He said, giving Oshizu a scroll. "Follow the directions written on that scroll, and you'll be able to remove the curse from Haruna."

"I'll start working on it right away!" Said Oshizu, determination in her eyes as she left the room to find a quiet spot to read. Ryouko however, eyed Sallem suspiciously.

"Funny how you seemed to have something like that on hand," Remarked Ryouko. "Especially since this all just happened so suddenly."

"It's not what you're thinking." Denied Sallem. "What's written on that scroll is just a training manual for spirits. She has the abilities for the job, all she needs now is the power to put behind them to remove the curse on Haruna. When it comes time for her to play her part, then I'll explain what little instruction outside of training she actually needs to hear."

"And what about Rito?" Asked Ryouko suspiciously. "You said that Oshizu would remove the curse on Haruna. What about making the spirit haunting Rito weak enough to capture?"

"That's where you come in." Smiled Sallem, glad to be around someone quick on the uptake. "We're going to need another member for Rito's harem. Someone of extreme beauty, and kind, nurturing personality."

"Wouldn't that just be giving the spirit what it wants?" Questioned Ryouko.

"Exactly," Smirked Sallem. "When people don't get what they want, they tend to react badly, with more power and aggression than they normally have. Correct?"

"I'm with you so far." Nodded Ryouko, beginning to see where this was going.

"By that logic, when things go your way, you tend to calm down a bit." Explained Sallem. "What I'm planning, is to give the spirit - and to some extent, Rito - what they want, so that the terrorist will lose power. Enough so that the curse on Haruna will be removable by a good spirit who's only had a few months at most to bolster her powers, and it can be captured."

"Sounds like a lot of work for just one ghost." Remarked Ryouko. "What makes this one so special?"

"Simple, this spirit was supposed to have a purpose of great good in life, but it went down the wrong path, and instead became a great evil." Sallem said. "It's not exactly fate - that doesn't exist - but something or other gave it great power that was designed only for good, and it abused and ignored that power, leading to this."

"I see," Nodded Ryouko, almost all of the pieces finally coming together. "So what do you need my help for?"

Relaxing, Sallem asked, "I don't suppose you could get in contact with your old friend Tearju, could you?"

Ryouko nodded, smirking with a twinkle in her eye. "It shouldn't take me too long to track her down, especially if I had the resources of Zero Industries at my disposal."

"I'll inform the investigators of my company." Consented Sallem. "At any rate, I've been away from my company for long enough now. I need to get back to work soon. Will there be anything else?"

"Just one thing," Said Ryouko, holding up her index finger. "Why did you get involved in all this in the first place? Lala's your friend, and you want the ghost, but what are you really getting out of this?"

"Sorry, Ryouko." Apologized Sallem as he pulled out his remote. "I wish I could tell you some grand story about magic, dreams, and adventure, but really, it's just money and friends with me. Always has been to be honest." Pressing a button on his remote; himself, everyone he brought to the planet with him, all the changes he'd made to the planet during his stay, even the memories of his actions held by people outside of those who had to remember, all vanished, leaving nothing of his existence behind on Earth besides the memories of those who knew him personally, and the love Rito and his harem shared.

A content smile on her face, Ryouko started her search for Tearju. Personally, she thought it'd be nice to add her old friend to the harem she was in, even though Yami might find being in that same harem as her 'mother' a bit off putting. But they'd cross that bridge when they came to it.

* * *

><p>There you go! The final chapter in Volume 3 is over! Leaving a nice little cliffhanger for Volume 4. Look forward to it my loyal fans! TONDA GOSSA! (That's my new catchphrase, you like?)<p> 


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